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Angry UGH TRIGGERS RUIN MY DAY! - September 11th 2009, 09:29 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Today, I woke up in a pissy mood. And then my bus was 30 minutes late and it was POURING RAIN outside and by the time I got on the bus, I felt like I would puke if I didn't cut. Luckily I'm the first on the bus, but I was littereally shaking. By the time people who know me got on the bus, I somehow got myself together...and like nobody was on the bus since it was so late, so I was lonely on top of all that. Then, I went to my first 3 periods in just a bad mood, and when I got to lunch, my "best friend" admitted to always replacing me and to not caring what I think!!! So, then I went to 4th period and forgot about it, but at 5th period I started getting really really paniced and terrified that she would stop being my best friend and tell everybody that I'm bi and I cut! At that point I felt like I NEEDED to cut or have a smoke(I've only done it like 3 times, but sometimes I feel the need to...I usually just cut when I feel that way...bad replacement...I know). When I got to 6th period, I tried to forget about it and focus on this REALLY cute guy next to me...and on the lesson(even though I already know it all!) so I felt a lot better, especially since he talked to me! But then, when I went outside, I saw my girl crush, who made fun of this lesbian in our grade, and I kinda got bummed out again. So, I texted my cousin, and then called her when I got home, and she talked to me, but now I have nobody to talk to, and I feel like I'm going to cut!!!! UGHHH.


OH...and just so you know, the withdraw symptoms are weird for me, because today's only day 2 of not cutting agian, and I usually don't have such bad withdraw til like a week later! UGH.
   
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Re: UGH TRIGGERS RUIN MY DAY! - September 12th 2009, 12:16 PM

Hey Megan,

It sounds like you have had one of those days where everything just seems to go wrong. Trust the bus to be 30 minutes late and for it to be pouring down with rain! That is always the case.

Your best friend is obviously not a true friend if she says such things. Megan you deserve much better than that and she can't be a proper friend if she is always replacing you and doesn't care. A true friend wouldn't treat you like that. I know you might be terrified to lose her but do you really want a best friend who treats you like that? I know it can be hard to let go of someone who you are close to but sometimes you do have to let go and realise that you are better off without certain people. Why let her treat you like that when you deserve better? You might think you don't but Megan you do and you will meet friends who treat you how you should be treated.

I think you are really strong to have not cut because you said you usually cut when you feel this way. But you managed not to do it, which is a great achievement! It does take so much strength to not cut when you really need to. I think you did the right thing by calling your cousin. Could you not call her again when you feel like this? There is always someone here on TH so if you ever do feel like this again then reach out for help. There is always someone here who cares.

Stay strong Megan
   
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Re: UGH TRIGGERS RUIN MY DAY! - September 12th 2009, 01:32 PM

Hey Megan!

Jen is right! We're always around to help!

It doesn't seem like you're friend really is your friend! I'm so sorry you feel so bad right now! *hug*
But at some point in our lives, we go through stuff like this, so just know, that you are not alone! I'm sorry you cut! I suggest, too, that you call your cousin when you feel this way again! It might really help you to stop cutting and feeling so bad about yourself, because, you have nothing to feel bad about! You don't deserve this kind of treatment! And you do deserve to be happy!

Pm me if you need to talk!
Feel better!
Hugs


~Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

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"And so I grew from colt to stallion
As wild and as reckless as thunder over the land.
Racing with the eagle, soaring with the wind.
Flying? There were times I believed I could."




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