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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
eva-lily-xo Offline
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Unhappy Not Again (rant) - September 13th 2009, 03:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have spent the last two days looking back on my past, thinking about every little thing I have ever done to get me where I am. I am doing this hoping to make myself feel better about who I am... It didn't work, I just cut again.

I lasted 2 months, 3 weeks and 6 days without having to do that, but I went and screwed up again. I should never have started this, but it has been a long time, on and off.. I just want to get past this, I just want to be happy.

There is something inside of me that just will not let me be happy. To make matters worse there is this really sweet guy that I really like, and he worries about the smallest things, I want to be with him someday, but if I tell him this he will never look at me the same again.

He knows about me cutting in the past, but as far as he knows this is all in the past. I want him to trust me, and I don't want him to worry about this. I care about him too much to bother him with this, plus he is on vacation at the moment so he is not around, if I tell him, it will ruin his whole vacation.

The stress is really getting to me, I just went back to school too, I feel like I am losing it, and even though I just cut myself, I want to do it again so bad.

There is nothing that has been working for me, I have tried the rubber bands, I have tried writing short stories and poems, I have tried talking to friends, I have tried drawing, I have tried holding ice, I have tried to exercise, and I have even used markers on my skin.

Nothing seems to work, and I am really starting to feel like I won't get over this. It's just it calms me down so much, and it makes me feel alive even if it is just for a few minutes, it makes me feel better.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to fall into my old habits, but at the moment I don't want to give it up either.

I had a counter here tracking how long it has been since I last cut... but I keep screwing up, so I am not going to bother with putting another one up

Last Cut September 13th 2009

Lasted from October 23rd 2007 - March 2nd 2009 before relapsing into cutting... then lasted 3 months and 2 weeks... then I lasted 2 months, 3 weeks and 6 days... trying again. <3
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Not Again (rant) - September 13th 2009, 11:59 AM


You know it can sometimes be good to look back and see how far you have come. But obviously not if it leads to you self harming. You went nearly 3 months without self harm, which is absolutely fantastic! That is a long time to go without self harm and shows that you can do it. You can stop and you will stop. What helped you during all that time you didn't self harm? Something must have helped you to resist the urges to self harm. You say nothing helps you but something must have helped you get through it for all that time. I think you should have a think about what it was because perhaps it could help you right now.

You don't have to fall back into old habits. You can pick yourself back up and try again. You can't change the fact you have self harmed now but you can change how you deal with urges in the future.

Stay strong
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Re: Not Again (rant) - September 13th 2009, 06:32 PM

Hey there,

The fact that you went almost 3 months without self harm is a great accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself. I know that the relapses suck but try not to let it bring you down too much because you seem like a really strong person and when you feel like you can do it again you will and you will beat this self harm.

I know that the alternatives can be difficult because there are so many but you can find the right one for you. I know that if took me the longest time to find the right alternatives and at times I felt like giving up. But, please don't give up, instead go through the alternatives list over and over until you find the ones that work. And, something to consider is maybe you should make up your own alternatives.

I know it might be hard but is there anyone offline that you could speak to about all of this? Talking could be a great way to fight through an urge. It is hard to do but it really can be worth it. Maybe a friend, family member or counselor?

Please hang in there and if you ever want to chat please feel free to pm me.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Not Again (rant) - September 14th 2009, 05:54 AM


Something seemed to work for you if you went over 2 months without self harm. What did you do in those 2 months? Make a list of the things, and try to do them again. Try everything you can that is not dangerous. Even another half an hour trying something, is another half an hour self harm free.

You should tell this guy you like. Wait until he gets home from vacation if you're worried about that. He might be the key to staying self harm free. It's worth a try. And honestly, if he looks at you any differently, then he doesn't sound like as good of a guy as you think, you know? Everyone has faults. Some bigger than others. People need to learn to look past that. He knows who you really are, right? Your personality? That is what truly matters.

Don't consider this a "screw up". Say you relapsed for a moment, and you're going to continue being self harm free. We all slip up. We all make mistakes. Don't give in and say you're a self harmer now again because of a slip up. Keep going on with life, do the best you can to stay self harm free. You CAN do it.


The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

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