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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Exclamation No shoulder to cry on :( - September 17th 2009, 06:06 AM

Hi. I'm 13 and hav SIed for a year and been cutting for a month. I'm depressed and fight a lot with my mom and have no dad ( no he's not dead I just never met him, ever) and i've become isolated. I can't focus in school and I wish someone would notice that and the sadness. I told my friend about my addiction and now when I try to call, she's never there. I've tried for a month. She was the only friend I trust because she couldn't burn me at school. I've told my cousin and my aunt but I never found the courage to tell my mom. I've been suicidal and refuse medication what with being super spiritual and all. I've tried a therypist but the legal forms shut me up quick! I can't confide in anyone anymore and I don't wanna go on with the SI. I'm still dealing with the grief from losin my nana who I was very close with. RIP. Any advice? I'll take anything but I have tried the hopeline with no success. HELP!!

Last edited by katara317; September 17th 2009 at 06:08 AM. Reason: Oops mistake!
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 17th 2009, 02:04 PM

heyhey,
i know you're feeling alone and confused among other things, but hurting yourself is not the way out.. life probably hurts but you know what? that means that you should love yourself even more! be nicer to yourself
do rant here whenever you like, and know that someone out there is ready listen and there're ppl who can relate to what you feel....
you're not alone hun!
and by the way what do you mean being spiritual and refusing treatment?



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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 17th 2009, 02:29 PM

I'm wiccan so u could say I'm a tree hugger! I have a deep love of nature and feel in tune with it. That and I just can't accept that I'd be taking medication for a mental problem. And I barely remember to take my current meds.
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 17th 2009, 02:45 PM

Hey there,

I can understand where you are coming from and I want you to know that it will be okay.

First I wanted to address you issue about medicine. When it comes to treatment you do not always have to take medicine. In fact, there are quite a few doctors who view medicine as a last resort.

If you were to go to a therapist and talk to them about what you are feeling it really could help. And, if you do not want to go on medicine explain that to them. Be really open with a therapist about what you are willing to do. I know that medicine can be a scary thing and if it gets in the way of your beliefs than that is understandable too. In the end it is a decision that needs to be made between you and your doctor.

However, please don't let the medicine issue stop you from going to a therapist because they really can be helpful. I know that my therapist helps me quite a bit.

You said that you want someone to notice that you are sad but the only way people are really going to notice is if you let them in. As much as it sucks our bodies are pretty good at hiding the sadness. So, why don't you talk to a teacher about this or your mom? I know it can be scary but in the end it really could help.

Please hang in there and if you ever want to talk feel free to pm me.

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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 18th 2009, 12:09 AM

my shoulder is always open for crying on (:
lately, i've had not many people needing me anymore. i've already cured my friends.
so it's always open for you!
please pm me if you everrrr need anything.
i'm always here!
i'm sorry for your lose ): i know how hard it is.

also, i respect you for wanting to quite SH. that says a lot by itself.


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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 18th 2009, 12:47 AM

The people that are open to listening would surprise you - they're actually all around you. I'm sorry your friend isn't helping you much. Some people just aren't very good advice-givers, unfortunately, and they get stressed out.
I know for sure that there are a lot of counselors and teachers at your school who would listen to you. I talked to my chemistry teacher for the longest time when I used to SI and he was very helpful in giving me advice and listening to all that I had to say. You just have to open up a little bit and not be afraid of getting hurt. There are good people out there: trust me.
I'm always here if you want to talk. =]
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 18th 2009, 12:48 AM

The people that are open to listening would surprise you - they're actually all around you. I'm sorry your friend isn't helping you much. Some people just aren't very good advice-givers, unfortunately, and they get stressed out.
I know for sure that there are a lot of counselors and teachers at your school who would listen to you. I talked to my chemistry teacher for the longest time when I used to SI and he was very helpful in giving me advice and listening to all that I had to say. You just have to open up a little bit and not be afraid of getting hurt. There are good people out there: trust me.
I'm always here if you want to talk. =]
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 18th 2009, 01:49 AM

aww thanks all!
Jenna- I didnt realize that medicine isnt used that much. i wanna talk to someone but i have severe trust issues from being hurt by my best friend ( not the 1 originally). I feel that talking to my aunt feels best first. shes the only 1 i kno that can relate to me. and shes comming here soon! yay!
savealife- it always tuggs at my heartstrings when some1 is there to talk to! TY!!
ninja twin- ive wanted to open up to my old science teacher but im afraid that she'll tell the skool councelor and they'll tell my mom! and that means more fighting and depression ( ther i go predicting again). should i talk to my sci. teacher?
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 18th 2009, 01:56 AM

I can't really be sure whether or not she'll tell. My science teacher said he wouldn't tell unless it got to the point to where he thought I was seriously going to hurt myself. You can just ask her. Maybe say, "I need to talk to you about something personal, but I want to know if you'll keep it confidential."
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 18th 2009, 02:16 AM

why didnt i think of that? now to find the confidence and courages * goes digging in brain and heart* thnx!
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 18th 2009, 02:17 AM

Don't worry you are not alone and surely you always have us!
I have experienced alot fo what you just have said and i know what you feel Just come here we're all so loving and on the same boat!
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 18th 2009, 02:23 AM

Good luck, Dorothy! I know you can do it!!
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 18th 2009, 02:30 PM

Alright. Today I'm gonna talk to my science teacher! I have a goal to tell as many ppl as I can about the cutting. Secrets die in the light! No cutting for 2 days! But I picked at the scabs. Does that count? Thanks!
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 19th 2009, 04:46 AM

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Help!!!! Ninja twin I told my science teacher. That was a mistake!!!! Sadly by law she was kinda required to tell some1 and I got dragged to the councelors office!!!! Next thing I know I'm takin off the scarves and showin her and she says that I have to tell mom! $&@&! We went for a walk and I wanted to tell everything and I told almost everything! Next thing I know, she's losing my bike in her car and we set off to my moms office! She told her everything I told her! No freakin privasy! I was almost taken to the hospital by her and I wanna cut now more than ever! I'm having a hard time! I know I had to do it but this got too far! Now we still are kinda fighting! Help!
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 19th 2009, 07:12 AM

It's going to be okay; it will all work out - I promise you.
When I first told my mom, she didn't know how to react. She kind of did what your mom did for a few days, and then she became a lot more loving and understanding. The good thing is that now you have a counselor to talk to whenever you need. (Try to think about the positive sides of things). Maybe you can use the counselor to your advantage. For exampleeeeee:
You can set up an appointment with the counselor to talk to you and your mom together, and the counselor can explain to your mom what she may not understand about cutting and the kind of love and understanding that you need right now. Would you be willing to try that?
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 19th 2009, 10:05 PM

I think she kinda did that when she dragged me to het office. I think I should talk to the councelor and the science teacher about what happened then deside what to do from there. I'm willing to do anythin now. Nothing can make this worse than it is. One thing. I told the councelor about the cutting and I want to tell her about the addiction but I'm afraid of the concequences. Shed have to go (by law) to this human and child department. Then that may mean cops! Then I'd be living my worst nightmare. I don't know if I should tell het now and hope that the concequences aren't severe, tell when I'm 18 to avoid the concequences (in 5 years), or just keep quiet. What should I do?
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 20th 2009, 06:11 AM

Are you sure by human and child department they don't mean some sort of counseling or therapy with your mom? I don't think the law gets involved in these sorts of situations. Why don't you find out what she meant by that first?
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 20th 2009, 07:21 AM

Hey!
I suggest finding out what your teacher meant by that too! I'm really not sure that law gets involved at all! But, yes sometimes, therapy does require a parent to be there to go through the course.

Just wanted to let you know, Dorothy, that we're all here for you! My should is always there if you need it! and PM me anytime you like!
Take care! Hugs


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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 20th 2009, 08:21 PM

I swear that the cops would get involved. I'm not sure on the name of the department but if I told the councelor about the addiction, she would tell the department and the police may or may not be notified. It's a toss up but I don't know if I wanna risk it. I know that NO theripy would be involved. Just legal matters probably. I can't stop shaking. I'm so scared about what comes next. She said police when we were talking. I don't know the full law or how to find out about it but I think everything would be 10x worse if I told the councelor. Help!
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 21st 2009, 01:08 AM

Do you think you can stop self-harming on your own? Do you think, with the help of people on teenhelp and with some work, you could quit doing it? Because if you believe you can (a lot of people stop on their own, actually), then you don't have to get the cops involved. If you think it's going to stress you out to the point where you would only get worse, they I would advise that you stay out of it.
Ah, Dorothy. I feel so bad that everything is going so poorly. It CAN get better, though, and it WILL. I'm here if you want to talk about anything via private message or e-mail. You know that, right?
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 21st 2009, 01:11 AM

I think I forgot to mention that I'm like 600 proud of you for stepping up and telling someone. It shows how strong you are and that you want to get better, which is quite an amazing thing!
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 21st 2009, 01:23 AM

Aww thanks! But I think that u don't understand something. The cops don't get involved with the cutting, they get involved with the addiction. I think I can stop on my own and with u and everyone else on teenhelp, but I think ppl want to get involved to help. I don't want some help from them but rather their support and some1 I can rely on in person. Thanks for the last message!
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 21st 2009, 01:31 AM

Do you mean an addiction to cutting? No problem!
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 21st 2009, 02:00 AM

No a totally different addiction not to cutting. *sigh* a 3 yr addiction to pornography...
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 21st 2009, 05:50 AM

Hmm. Well is the addiction to pornography harmful to you? Do you think you need help quitting or do you think you can find a way to stop looking at it on your own?
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 21st 2009, 06:41 AM

Marlie makes a good point Dorothy!
Maybe you could try yourself to stop. Or day by day, reduce the amout you watch and slowly, you'll lose your addiction!


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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 21st 2009, 02:20 PM

I've tried but relapsed like 2-3 times over the 3 yrs. My longest run was 6 months or so. Then curiosity gets me
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 22nd 2009, 01:09 AM

Are you sure it's an addiction to porn? Some people just look because they're curious, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 22nd 2009, 01:39 AM

but for 3 years?
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 22nd 2009, 04:28 AM

Yeah. Some people just continuously use it.
Addiction is defined as "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."

If it's not compulsive (a.k.a you absolutely CANNOT control it at all), if it's not hurting you or interrupting your life in a severe way, and if you without it, you're not feeling trauma, then it's not an addiction.

What do you think?
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 22nd 2009, 04:34 AM

i think that i does affect me on an emotional scale and does interfere with my life but not severely. i do feel enslaved to it and it is a terrible habit.i also think that any1 can control something even in the tinyest ways. mostly the reason for the first relapse was curiosity of the websites (yes its internet). what do ya think?
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 25th 2009, 12:09 AM

alright leme update:
i told the councelor about the addiction. she did end up telling the child welfare department (yup thats it. what do they do?) and im still watin on the verdict. the nexxt step is to talk to the school psycoligist now. soo yup. what does the child welfare department do and should i be afraid?
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - September 28th 2009, 10:07 PM

hey girl
omg you are so young it breaks my heart. try not to cut, its an addiction i know but it really isnt worth putting your body through such things. talk to your grandma, shes listening. and shes watching over you, so dont cut cause thats probably not something she'll want to see. message me if you need to talk. i'm here for you.
<3 always,
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - October 4th 2009, 12:39 PM

Guys... I know what the department is now... They now control me.... They placed me in a foster home... They have all these ppl talking to me... I got a DHS worker.... My mom went psycho on me and I got placed in a home with a family friend and I can't talk to my mom at all..she's so scared to lose me that she's gone moot... I wish I could cut but now all these ppl ane watching me and it's to hard to hide the cuts...plus the blade is gone... Can you guys just like pm me all this courage
and love like a pep talk to lift my spirits? Thanks!

Dorothy
   
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Re: No shoulder to cry on :( - October 4th 2009, 01:35 PM

hey dorothy
lately i've been feling like i just want everything around me to go away. i find myself wondering what it would be like if i just ended it all for myself. but it WILL go away, trust me, all of these problems wont stay there forever. i know it sounds weird me saying this but try to be an optimist about things. it will be hard, it was hard for me to try and be positive about my life, but maybe the fact that you cant cut is good thing, a step forward in the right direction for you. perhaps it means that you'll eventually get over the cutting. it might seem like it never will end but you have so much more to look forward to in life.
dont give up now
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