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mintleaf Offline
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Name: Charlotte
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Wales

Posts: 2
Join Date: September 16th 2009

Why have I started again? - September 26th 2009, 01:11 PM

Hi everyone.

Recently I've started self-harming again. I don't know why It feels like I've finally got my life sorted. I've come out of a terrible relationship which had messed me up quite badly but now I'm with this amazing new guy who's making me feel happier and safer than I've ever felt before. I've moved to a different country (me in Wales, him in The Netherlands) to study a course (Eng. Lang.) I love at a uni I've alays wanted to go to (Swansea).

And yet I'm cutting.

I jsut can't figure out why. I'm happy, I'm feeling settled. Sure - it's not all perfect...I miss my boyfriend and such but as far as I can tell that's not the source of this.

In a way it feels like letting the blood out of me is reflective of getting all these bad experiences out of me. As though for my mind ot fully heal I need to see my body.
If that IS the case then I'm not worried too much. It'll only be once or twice more and then I'll be over it.

However...looking back to when I used to cut (over a year ago now) I was also hearing and seeing things which, logically speaking, I knew weren't there. And I'm seeing them all again now - in full force.
They don't upset me or hurt me in any way. It's actually kinda comforting feeling that there's always someone around. But I know that this could be a factor in why I'm doing what I'm doing.

Sorry if this isn't coherant enough...my thought are a bit too jumbled to write it down in a sensical manner at the moment.
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*Jen* Offline
keep smiling :-)
Outside, huh?
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Name: Jen
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Gender: Female
Location: England

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Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Why have I started again? - September 26th 2009, 03:39 PM


Firstly, I wanted to say welcome to Teenhelp I hope you like it here and are able to get the support you need. I am always here if you ever need anything at all! So don't hesitate to PM me.

You went like a whole year without self harm, which is absolutely amazing!! Just shows that you can do it but have just had a minor set back at the moment. You might be happy but that doesn't take away all the pain you feel. You have just gone through some major changes in your life and being away from your boyfriend can be really hard. Also you have just started uni, which is a huge change. I couldn't tell you why you have started again but your life has changed a lot lately. Change can be good but also change can be really hard to deal with. Is there anyone at all you can talk to about this? You don't deserve to be alone with it all.

Stay strong
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cutting, hallucinations, self-harm, started, uni

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