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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
justlikeme0 Offline
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how should i tell my best friend? - September 27th 2009, 01:50 AM

im not sure where to start so i'll just go back to the begining.
a few years ago, my best friend and i made a promise that we would never SH.
about 6 months ago, my best friend told me that she had been cutting herself for a while now. i got really made at her for a few reasons:
1) she broke her promise
2)SH was not something that i understood at the time
and 3) when she broke the news to me she said it in a sort of joking way. i didnt like that she was making a joke out of it.

i got super mad at her and definatly wasnt "supportive" at first. i came around eventually. i wasnt totally OK with the idea but i let her know that she had a sholder to cry on if she needed it.

now, ive started cutting too. i want to tell her so that we can support eachother but im afraid of how she would act.
should i try to tell her, and how??
   
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Re: how should i tell my best friend? - September 27th 2009, 02:53 AM

Hey Dani,
You should definately tell your friend. Let her know why you got so upset when she told you about her SH. That way it will help her understand why you were upset. Just say it how you would want to be told about it. Tell her you want her to be supportive and you two can talk about your SH together. I'm sure she'll be very supportive since she has already been through the same thing. PM me if you ever need anything.
Take care,
Alessa


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Re: how should i tell my best friend? - September 27th 2009, 03:38 AM

I'm sorry that both of you are going through this, I know that it hurts. I agree with Alessa, you should definitely tell your friend. Maybe you could start off by apologizing for how you handled the news when she told you. You could tell her that you reacted that way because you didn't understand, but now you do. It won't be easy, but you can do it. Does anyone else know about your SH? If you have another friend or something that knows, you could bring him/her with you as support. I think that it will be good for both of you if you can talk openly with each other about your SH. Just be careful that when you're talking about cutting or something that you don't trigger each other. You might need to set some boundaries.
PM me if you need anything.
Peace.
Hannah


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Re: how should i tell my best friend? - September 27th 2009, 05:18 AM

When I have to tell my best friend something like that, I warn her that I have something to tell her, then I just say it, and wait for her reaction and then work with whatever her reaction is. You just HAVE to make sure she doesn't blame herself. Tell her it doesn't have to do with her...because my best friend told me she SHed a little while after I told her...and I asked if it was because of me...and she said yes. That's one thing you do NOT do. But she'll probably be ready to be there for you and help you out, and it'll probably be good for her to know she has somebody to talk to... And I'm sorry that you guys are going through this.
   
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Re: how should i tell my best friend? - September 27th 2009, 01:30 PM

definitely tell your friend. I found myself in a similar situatation as you, my friend was really understanding.
When I've told my friend about my self harm I tend to make them guess, but it is better to just say it straight out.
   
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Re: how should i tell my best friend? - September 27th 2009, 04:26 PM

Hi Dani,

I think it would be a good idea to tell your best friend about your self harm so that you can support each other. It sounds to me like you want to tell her but just are not sure how to.

It's understandable that you were annoyed at her for breaking her promise to you; especially if it seemed like she was messing around and not being serious. I think though that sometimes people say things in a jokey way because they aren't sure how you will react and so they want to "test the waters". I think the important thing, however, is that you came around and are now there for her to talk to.

If you friend has self harmed before then she will probably understand. It seems like you are really close and that is great because it always helps people to have somebody they can talk to about things. You could just try approaching her and saying "There is something I want to tell you about but I don't want to make you feel bad" and then you could say you have been self harming and explain why. Another option that some people use when they find it hard to say things face-to-face is writing a letter to the person explaining things. That way it gives the other person chance to take in the information and think about it.

In the meantime, if you ever feel like self harming you might want to check out our alternatives thread (click here) which has lots of ideas of things to do when you feel like hurting yourself.

I hope things go well with your friend. Good luck
Jen


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Re: how should i tell my best friend? - September 28th 2009, 10:03 PM

if shes your best friend, just tell her. but try to stop cutting in the first place. its not worth putting your body through that type of thing so if you are just starting, try and stop before the addiction grows. good luck and please pm me if you need to talk.
<3 Cherry
   
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