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Name: Megan
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Angry Failure. - September 28th 2009, 05:00 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel like such a failure. I always promise 2 people(my cousin and my best friend) that I'll stop cutting...but I can't! The longest I can hold out is 2 weeks...which is pretty good but that's pretty rare for me to hold out that long...it's usually about 2 or 3 days! And I just feel like a huge failure. I feel like I should be able to stop, but I can't! I just can't! It's sooooo hard. And if they find out, they'll be like, "What happened that day?" And sometimes, nothing in particular happened. Like usually I wake up and it HURTS soo bad and I already feel like I should cut. Then EVERY little thing bothers me. Then I think, and I just make it worse! Then, once I get home, or have time to myself(sometimes that just means going to the bathroom of whereever I am...) and I just cut. Then, the hurt goes away, and I feel in a better mood...until the regret sinks in! ugh.
   
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Re: Failure. - September 28th 2009, 05:19 AM

Megan, you're not a failure. You just messed up. It happens to everybody. Two or three days is an awesome start and two weeks is amazing! Don't feel like you should be doing anything or like you should be at a certain place. It's different for everybody. It's so hard to stop because cutting is extremely addictive. It's not something that you're just gonna wake up one day and say, "yeah I'm over that." and never do it again. It's not that easy.

I know it helps in the short run, but you already know that it's not something you really want to do. If it was, then the regret wouldn't come. If you never stop and ask why you feel the way you do, but you just cut it away, you'll never solve the problem and you'll just keep hurting. Is there anyone you can talk to when you start thinking too much? Your cousin, your friend, a parent, trusted adult, counselor or something? It can really help. A huge burden off your shoulders. You don't even have to tell someone exactly what's wrong, just go to your friend or somebody and say, "hey I really don't feel like being alone right now." If you're hanging out with them, you can't cut. And they might even help you get your mind off of it.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Have you ever talked to a counselor? It really does help me. Things hurt coming back out when I talk about them to her, but I always leave feeling so much better. It's just... you deserve better than this. You're worth more than this. You deserve to be happy and whole and not hurting. You didn't do anything wrong. You're so much stronger than you know. Don't forget about the alternatives. Hang in there.
PM me if you need to talk. Really, it helps.
Hang in there, okay?
With hope,
Hannah


Hope is real. Help is real. LOVE is the movement.
   
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