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Coming out to my friends about my Self Harm - September 29th 2009, 08:43 PM

I was just wondering if anyone new any good ways ( i know theres not any good ones but i mean less dramatic) of telling One of my close friends that i have been hurting my self for 3 and 1/2 years. My parents know ( but we dont talk about it ) but i think they think some of my friends know. I have been really down for a while now and especially since i started back at school and ive relapsed a few times and i think it would be quite a comfort knowing that i had a friend who i could talk to it about. i have thought about going to the school nurse or doctors for a while but i just dont think i could cope with that right now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated .

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Re: Coming out to my friends about my Self Harm - September 29th 2009, 09:14 PM

Hey Emily,

I think it is great that you want to talk to a friend about this. And, it always help to have someone to talk to.

As for the best way to tell someone; I think that all depends really. I mean, in the end, when you tell someone this it is going to be kind of 'dramatic' but that is because it will be such a shock to hear. No one likes to hear that their loved one is hurting so much that they harm themselves.

One way you could tell your friend is by writing her a letter and explaining it all to her in there. However, personally, I think face to face communication is the best. So, I think what you should do is invite your friend over for a sleep over or something like that and then tell her "I have something important I need to tell you." Explain to her that you don't want her to get too upset about what you are going to say and explain to her why you want to tell her this.

I think if she knows your reasons for telling her it could lighten the blow and make her more understanding.

Something else you can do is print up some information about self harm or check some books out from the library and once you tell her about your self harm you can give her the information you gathered. I know that reading information about self harm can be really helpful to a lot of people. When people don't understand something and they read up on it it helps them to be more understanding.

One thing you should know is that when you tell her you are going to have to be open to her asking questions. I know it might be tough but in the end she is probably going to have a lot of questions for you and if you are not willing to answer them she might feel kind of confused.

I hope this helped and please hang in there and I hope you know how proud you should be of yourself for wanting to deal with this issue head on.

Best of luck,


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Re: Coming out to my friends about my Self Harm - September 29th 2009, 09:28 PM

Hi Emily! I think it's great that you want to tell one of your friends. My advice would be to comfort yourself as much as possible while you're telling him or her. Be in a place where you're comfortable. Get rid of as much stress as you can control. Do it at a time when you're not triggered or upset. Just tell your friend what you've been going through. Tell him/her why self harm helped you, but don't go into graphic detail because that will probably be really hard for them to deal with. I don't know how you feel about everything, but maybe you could say, "I don't want to talk about it all the time, but it would mean a lot to me if I knew that I could go to you for support if I needed it." Something like that maybe?

With my friend, first I told her about my depression and anxiety. Then a month or two later I told her about my self injury. She already knew some of it. She took it a lot better than I thought. You just have to be strong. I think it'd help if you could find some peace with where you are. That doesn't mean you're happy with it, or don't regret it a little, or want to keep hurting yourself... Just accept yourself and your past.

Sorry if I don't make much sense. I haven't slept much lately so I'm kind of all over the place haha
I hope I could help at least a little!
PM me if you ever need to talk. Hang in there.
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Re: Coming out to my friends about my Self Harm - September 29th 2009, 09:36 PM

Hey Emily,
It's good to have a good support system and having people you know you can turn to no matter what. I think you should choose one friend you want to speak to this about first.
Try not to alarm them by telling them, tell them it's important for your recovery that you have people around you that you can trust and people that you can share your issues with self-harm with. I'm sure they are probably going to be suprised about your self-harming and they may feel guilty thinking they could have prevented it somehow so make sure you tell them tactfully.

I think this is a really good step to take because it widens your support system and it's good to have loads of people you can turn to, so I really hope things go well with telling your friends and it could take some time for them to be comfortable with the idea but they will come round. If anything the initial feeling will be shocked and wanting to be there for you as much as possible. They may have questions for you and everything about your self-harm.

Good luck!
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