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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lil Offline
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Join Date: July 15th 2009

Exclamation Conflicted....... - September 29th 2009, 11:58 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well the title pretty much says how i feel,conflicted,confused,fustrated and so on.5days without cutting never have i gone so long and im so close to ruining it,literally i have my knife sitting right next to me cause i wana cut,these last 5 days i had it under a bunch of clothes pretending i didnt know where it was when really i did as long as i didnt look at it,i was ok,but i missed it needed to look at it,now that i have it i wana cut so bad.Ive gone through the alternatives many times and it only distracts temporarily..so i thought id just try and write out why i feel like cutting instead of cutting..ita not much of reason im just really fustrated cause ive been so sick and ive missed a few days of school and i got go back tommorow and its making me really worried cause i know il have so much work to do.Im very use to my school routine so when it gets thrown off it stresses me out idk why.so thats my dumb reason for wanting to cut.I dont want to break my five days of being self harm free, but i hate seeing all my cuts healing and i cant stop looking at my knife.venting this helps a little though,god im just so stupid....


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
forever_hannah Offline
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Name: Hannah
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Location: Alabama

Posts: 197
Join Date: September 18th 2009

Re: Conflicted....... - September 30th 2009, 03:09 AM

You're so not stupid, hon. Just take it one minute at a time. Say, "I'm not going to cut for the next minute." And then when that's up start over. Is there anyone that you can just go and be in the same room with? You don't have to tell them that you want to cut, but if they're there you won't be able to cut.

Sometimes it's just the little things that really really get to you. Just breathe and take it one thing at a time. You can handle school. Much dumber people have made it through

Five days is so amazing! You're stronger than you know. Look how far you've come!

It would be better to put the knife away. I know it's so hard because it's been your safety net. But if you can't get rid of it now, just stash it away somewhere that's hard to get to. Challenge it. What's that knife made of? Metal? You're a human being. A breathing, living, hoping, feeling human being. You can control this.
Hang in there. PM me if you ever need to talk about anything.
Take care,
Hannah


Hope is real. Help is real. LOVE is the movement.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Lil Offline
I'm here
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Name: Lil
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: lost

Posts: 275
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Join Date: July 15th 2009

Re: Conflicted....... - September 30th 2009, 04:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by forever_hannah View Post
You're so not stupid, hon. Just take it one minute at a time. Say, "I'm not going to cut for the next minute." And then when that's up start over. Is there anyone that you can just go and be in the same room with? You don't have to tell them that you want to cut, but if they're there you won't be able to cut.

Sometimes it's just the little things that really really get to you. Just breathe and take it one thing at a time. You can handle school. Much dumber people have made it through

Five days is so amazing! You're stronger than you know. Look how far you've come!

It would be better to put the knife away. I know it's so hard because it's been your safety net. But if you can't get rid of it now, just stash it away somewhere that's hard to get to. Challenge it. What's that knife made of? Metal? You're a human being. A breathing, living, hoping, feeling human being. You can control this.
Hang in there. PM me if you ever need to talk about anything.
Take care,
Hannah
Thank you i wish i had read this about 30 mins ago cause i just ruined my five days of being cutting free,i gave in and im so ashamed, im sorry....


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
forever_hannah Offline
Save the Savior
Average Joe
***
 
forever_hannah's Avatar
 
Name: Hannah
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Alabama

Posts: 197
Join Date: September 18th 2009

Re: Conflicted....... - September 30th 2009, 04:45 AM

It's okay! It really is. Just learn from it. If what I wrote helped, then read it when you're feeling triggered next time.
You don't have to apologize to me. Just please take care of yourself. <3
You didn't ruin anything. You have those five days and nothing or no one can take them away from you. You can get there again and keep going. Don't be ashamed, girl. It's in the past. You can't change it, but you just have to accept it. Come to terms. Forgive yourself. I believe in you.

PM me if you need to. I'll be there.
Take care,
Hannah


Hope is real. Help is real. LOVE is the movement.
   
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