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Kitty_Kat Offline
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Name: Kat
Age: 27
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Join Date: September 28th 2009

Thumbs down Falling into a relapse and have no idea what to do. - September 30th 2009, 09:37 PM

I quit cutting 10 months ago and now i feel like shit because whenever i see somthing sharp i just want to scratch it across my arm because i feel its the only way.
I know people say self harming is a cause from attention but it isnt because i didnt belive how bad i had actually got before someone who came to my school found out.
I thought i was cutting gently and he showed me i was cutting deep.
The numbness that i want to feel doesnt come from self harming because if i dont feel im numb then i will just want to cut deeper and deeper and deeper.

The first time i self harmed i just thought if i told myself enough times i wasnt doing it then i would belive it in my mind, i dont think im beautiful which is why i hate it when people say i am because that makes me want to cut because i know im not.
People who dont understand what i have been through are going to say oh shes being an attention seeker but belive me if you ever met me you would realise i hide out in the background because im to scared to say how i feel in case i upset someone.
The last time i self harmed was the last time i ever tried to kill myself.

I didnt see life as worth living and thought i was useless and pathetic and not worth anyones time, love or money.
and i blamed myself for that, because in my mind i still see myself as dumb, ugly, pathetic, annoying and not wrth anything.
I have no confidence, no way to stop myself from belive im ugly because people have tried.

Basicly i have no idea what to do anymore.
and would really appreciate some help

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cherryqueen1248 Offline
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Name: Care
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Re: Falling into a relapse and have no idea what to do. - September 30th 2009, 09:48 PM

KEEP STRONG!!!!!!!!! DONT GIVE UP!! 10 months is sooo long and i am verry verrry VERY proud of you for that!!! dont ever think life isn't worth living, no one is useless or pathetic. dont cut. dont harm yourself, its unhealthy and you know there are healthier ways like venting on this fantastic website! my private message box is ALWAYS open to you to talk, anytime about anything!
<3 Cherry
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falling, idea, relapse

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