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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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What got you started? - October 9th 2009, 09:51 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

It was about a year ago. I was feeling horrible about myself and I thought, I need this to go away, even for a second. I took a pair of sissors and sliced the tip of my thumb, pointer and middle finger. I guess all the pressure of being a second mother to my sisters because my drunk ass mother couldnt get off her ass got to me.


It may be storming now but it cant rain 4ever
I cant set my hopes to high because every hello ends with a goodbye

I never thought you could go solo
Why do I put myself in these situations?
I wouldn't love you if you changed.
I am what I am, I can't help myself
The lesson is learned, you can't be trusted anymore.
Life is a journey, not a destination.
Pick up the phone nobody's on it.
You can't let go and win
Life is a song so sing.
To write love on her arms.
Attitude is as important as ability
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 12:33 AM

Hey Gabrielle,

Hope you are doing okay. I know how difficult it can be to deal with cutting but you can overcome it. Just give yourself time.

What got me started was the fact that I felt abandoned/ignored by my parents. I just didn't feel as if I mattered and cutting made all that pain and sadness disappear.

Jenna


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 03:22 PM

Hey there,

I'd like to point [this thread] out to you, which is of a similar title, 'What made you start self harming?' which you may find interesting. I'm going to keep this thread open though, to give other people opportunities to tell their stories. I've already posted what made me start self harming in the other thread, but basically, I think that pressure lead me to try out self harm.

Take care of yourself.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 03:38 PM

curiosity, unfortunately.


..and our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears..



   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 03:48 PM

I was really depressed and going through a hard time. I've always had the tendency to self harm. Just who I am. It started as scratching and then escalated. I'm not exactly sure what happened. :/


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 05:14 PM

physical abuse/beaten by father.
mum nearly dying from a lung tumor, this went on for 6 years.
close to grandparents who died.
bullied really bad all the way through school.
all that made me start to SH.
when i was in yr7 so i was 11.
i cut my arm in a english class at school under the table with a pair of scissors.
things since have happened that have made me continue to SH.


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 08:03 PM

about a year and a half ago my friend told me that if I associated the thoughts of this guy with pain then I wouldn't think about him anymore so I used a rubber band for about three days before my friends made me stop, then the next time I wanted to forget about things I cut instead. Thyen it escalated
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 08:20 PM

it happened by accident,, my friend and i was playing around with scissors and then it jus cut me- Shazzy

once i recovered from my ocds i didn't know how to cope without them so sh became a way of coping - Lottie
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 08:41 PM

For me, I was feeling alone, my friend ditched me, I had just found out that both my grandfather's were abusive and one was an alcoholic, my friend's dad abused her and I didn't know what to do, I am gay, my mom is ashamed of me and I was super stressed out, and I also did not make and audition for ballet
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 10:20 PM

I started because I was being molested by my uncle and I felt so dead anyway and I needed something to help make me feel alive. I actually found cutting by accidenttly cutting my ankle in the bath on day that I was shaving and it felt so good. Now it's been 6 years, almost 7 years since that day and I am working to get better and no longer SH. I never thought that something would be so hard to stop.


"Damaged people are dangerous because they know they can survive."
"Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow."
"Challenges are what make life interesting."
"We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it."
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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 10:23 PM

My sister died and my mom got really depressed and stayed that way and it really hasn't gotten easier.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 10:42 PM

well it's been years since i last harmed myself, i was about 15 or 16 when i first started, i was in a very abusive relationship..the physical pain was easier to deal with than emoitional pain...so whenever he hurt me, i hurt myself to numb the pain he caused me in the first place..it made sense to me at the time..lol


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I WANT IT ALL.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 10th 2009, 10:56 PM

i started to get relieved from my inner pain
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 12th 2009, 12:11 AM

The first time I cut was after I started having issues with a lot of my friends and I was called to the principals office for it. I just wanted to do something that could stop me from thinking about it. And one day I cut. And I just sat there staring at it then I did it again and again. I remember I made 5 cuts just because I was so schocked I had done it. After that I just kept going.
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  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 12th 2009, 01:38 AM

I was in a really depressed mood one night.
I had heard of people cutting themselves and it making them feel better.
I decided to try it.
I wanted attention then, but when I wanted to stop, I couldn't.
It took me everything I had to stop.
But I did it.


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 12th 2009, 02:05 AM

I was young, 10 or 11 I believe, and I was depressed but I didn't understand that. I didn't know what depression was or what it felt like. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I don't even know why I sh'd- I just couldn't figure out why I felt the way I did so I resorted to physical pain.


Originally joined: June 2008


" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 12th 2009, 04:17 AM

I was 11 in my 4th grade year when i 1st self harmed.

i had severe depression and was watching a show called Degrassi
where the girl played as Elle, Cut herself bcuz of her dad going to war
and her mom getting drunk and passed out all the time just trying to make herslef feel better.


I saw Elle take a pair of scissors out of her backpack in her room and cut herself.
i found a way of letting all the pain go away. And i was curious, so i tried it.
Unfortunately, it took it all away so much that i just kept on doing it again and again with needles and pens and pencils, at home, at school,
i know it is a sad story getting hooked on an addiction just from a TV show and watching that selfharming part for just mabie 5 seconds or less.

I havent stoped since. Last year, i went for 8 months without selfharming.

This year, it was 1 month. i also did it for attention too and it never turned out too pretty in the end ):


Met you from a tie between u and me buddy,
Saw you from my wired eyes with a twisted little lie, and my mind told me negative when i had a wish to own you with my heart, buddy and you split like twigs, senses told her i fell for him, and she told me "i loved him, and go get him" And while i said "negative he said "correct" <3


Me and ? = 3 days which =correct
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 12th 2009, 06:24 AM

I was actually quite driven by curiosity. But then I started getting hit at home more and my boyfriend had depression. He always made me sooooo depressed. I guess it was def. a mix. Mostly just blind curiosity.

The other stuff gave me a reason so it didn't seem like I was doing it for attention. Which I was at the beginning. Now it's just a sad, sad addiction.


"No matter how bad something is hurting us... sometimes it hurts worse to let it go..."



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  (#19 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 13th 2009, 01:32 AM

I have in 8th grade. 13 years old. My mom had decided to move us 1500 miles away from where i grew up. and my older brother was an alcoholic who would break into our house and threaten to kill himself. i had to do something...
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  (#20 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 13th 2009, 03:08 AM

I got started because I felt trapped in a life that I couldn't get out of. I have always felt like I had to be the strongest person in my family and eventually that can just get to you, like it did to me. I couldn't be that strong one anymore, so I began to cut. Things have continued to keep me going since, but that was where it all started.


Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

All you need is love
&
Love is all you need


   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 15th 2009, 10:08 AM

I had always had the tendencies, scab picking to the point of infection, head bashing(one bash would knock me out because I was born with a large soft spot that has never fully fused, lol thump me on my temple, I go down!). I accidentally burn myself making Mac and cheese when I was eight, just kept doing it... When I was thirteen I was dating this girl, Molly... One day she came to school with these scratches all over her arm, and I'm like what happened? She says her mom did it to her, I kinds believe her because her mom was a psycho. But then the next day there were more of them and when I go over to her house she was going out of her way to hide them from her mom... So I try it willing to do anything to be like her, kinds like it but think it isn't worth the trouble of hiding it.
But when my mom starts drinking and beating me again, and my dad starts hitting my step mom again, and my grades drop and I get knocked up by my half brother(yeah you read that right) and Molly is my life line the only thing to keep me from going insane. I go over to her house and I am looking for her necklace for her before we go out and I find a note to our ex saying something along the lines of 'no I'm not a lesbian I just don't know how to ditch BB', I'm like, hey its just an extension of picking...


Let the attempting conception begin!
(In June 2010)

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  (#22 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 15th 2009, 02:25 PM

Basically, I had been bullied throughout primary school, but I really thought that when I went to seconardy school I'd make loads of friends, when I didn't, I got really depressed, and thats when I started self harming.




fait
h is a bluebird that you see from afar
it is real and as sure as the first evening star
can't touch it, or buy it, or lock it up tight
but its there just the same
making things turn out right



LE PE
NGUIN QUEEN


   
  (#23 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 15th 2009, 02:46 PM

I was feeling so incredibly depressed, I was being bullied, friends didn't seem to want me anymore. I didn't feel loved by my family and thought that they didn't care about me at all, I felt completely pushed out.
I was also apparently at the time showing signs of psychosis, so this contributed to it.

I saw a program about self harm and wondered if it would give me the same effects as it did those people. It did.
5 years later I'm still facing an extremely hard battle with it.
   
  (#24 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 15th 2009, 03:15 PM

I was depressed. I was too scared to talk to anyone, I didn't think they would understand. I'm not sure how I found out about self harm, but I hated myself so much. I just wanted to get rid of some of the bad feelings. Didn't think it would get as bad as it did and now 4 years later I'm still battling it. I think when it started, part of mewanted attention and wanted people to know that something was wrong. I was always too scared to show anyone though.
   
  (#25 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 16th 2009, 08:17 PM

Ever since I was about 4 years old I would pick scabs and they would always get infected. I would shove saftey pins in the bottom of my toes and pullskin off. So I always had the tedenceys of doing it. But what got me started on cutting actaully was a friend who found out i scratched my skin till i bleed and she told me cutting is way faster so i just started cutting because of the deression all the fights with grandpa at homeand not fitting in at school at all.


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Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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Re: What got you started? - October 16th 2009, 08:34 PM

I started a year ago this week and stopped on May 5th. It was the worst time of my life.

Maybe curiosity got me started. But then it changed. I started depending on it. And thenit got serious and i had to get psychological help to stop.

It really was a terrible time. My advice to anyone is to stop now, before it gets out of hand.

xx


Just kiss me.

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  (#27 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 16th 2009, 08:46 PM

I started because my best friend who I looked up to was doing it, and I was severely depressed. I had actually started a few months prior to this because of meds I was on. Stopped those, I was fine. That's when I found out my best friend was doing it, and she gave me tips, so I started. Three years later, I still struggle with it. But, I'm doing good I guess.
   
  (#28 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 16th 2009, 11:00 PM

I started when i was 10 and my mom got a new boyfriend, at first he was really nice, so of course i was fine. then after he moved in he started showing his true colors and started getting really mean it's mostly just verbal stuff or throwing things, he only hit me twice and i got worse from my dad who was probably in jail around that time, so i cut myself, it made me feel better so i kept doing everytime i felt i needed.
   
  (#29 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 16th 2009, 11:27 PM

I had been suiicdal from 5th grade, possibly 4th, definitely 3rd, and I was in 6th grade, and was being bullied multiple times a day, and one day I picked up the compass(for math) and started scratching till it was super raw... I have used scissors, pocket tools, my own nails and razors. I am still dealing with it now, it is my 4th year dealing with it, and am still in therapy.


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Re: What got you started? - October 24th 2009, 05:56 AM

Stress, depression, angst, wanting to die but never being able to go through with it, it was the one thing that made me feel better, like I was normal ironically enough.
   
  (#31 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 24th 2009, 06:05 AM

Being sexually abused by my only friend.
My family hating me.. not wanting me around.
Not fitting in anywhere..


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You wont try for me, not now,
Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

Isn't something missing?
Isnt someone missing me [x]

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  (#32 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 24th 2009, 06:52 AM

I was being raped once a week for nine months by my best friends brother because he was trying to prove to me that I'm not gay. Then I came out to my mom and she told me I'm going to burn in Hell and that I'm oppressed by demons. I didn't understand the pain inside of me, it didn't make sense to me to cry when I wasn't physically hurt. So I cut myself. At least then I have a real reason to cry, a visible pain. Then after I did it more and more I stated to feel less, physical or emotional. Now I can barely feel anything. I still cut almost everyday but I decided to try to stop last week.
   
  (#33 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What got you started? - October 29th 2009, 05:53 AM

I can't even remember what triggered it. That's sad. I was in English class, it was with scissors. But I can't remember why exactly. That was just a terrible year.
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Re: What got you started? - November 2nd 2009, 09:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kaytastrophie_xo View Post
I was young, 10 or 11 I believe, and I was depressed but I didn't understand that. I didn't know what depression was or what it felt like. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I don't even know why I sh'd- I just couldn't figure out why I felt the way I did so I resorted to physical pain.
same, i would even watch the depression commercials on tv and just not understand how continuous saddness was like an actual thing, but i didnt even realize i was depressed. it was really about stress (from school, parents, and friends) for me when i started, once it started i couldnt stop it. -(i lived in a black hole for about a year, and relapsed a year later, about 6 months after i relapsed it got worse than ever, but i knew what depression was and i had friends who were also sh-ing. i went about 2 1/2 months withouth it, until august this year when it started up again. im 20 days free though =])-
   
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Re: What got you started? - November 2nd 2009, 09:51 PM

I strated late last year, My abbusive father led me to it and I used a pen cap the first time.
   
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Re: What got you started? - November 2nd 2009, 10:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by forever_hannah View Post
I was really depressed and going through a hard time. I've always had the tendency to self harm. Just who I am. It started as scratching and then escalated.
My story, pretty much. No one was listening to me and things were getting out of hand.


Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
...
...
Níl a shíltear mar a bhítear.
Things are not always what they seem.
   
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Re: What got you started? - November 3rd 2009, 01:35 AM

I was depressed and couldnt take the thoughts in my head anymore. They just kept running around and around and around. I felt like I was flying into a million pieces. Cutting somehow expressed what I needed it to, kept me grounded to something instead of flying away.



The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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Re: What got you started? - November 4th 2009, 01:34 AM

for me, it was sitting alone abanddoned at my dads house.
nto knowing what to do.
wanting someone to see that i had pain, and that i hurt.
so i found a razor blade, and pushed it neatly across my wrist.
the blood wasnt messy like i thought it would, it looked perfecet
and as screwed up as it sounds, it felt perfect to have it there.


the thing that made me stop, was a christian band at camp
they had :
THERE IS HOPE
written on their amp
that meant the world to me.
it was like someone was speaking to me.
tehre is hope.
   
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Re: What got you started? - November 4th 2009, 01:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Superstar View Post
I was depressed and couldnt take the thoughts in my head anymore. They just kept running around and around and around. I felt like I was flying into a million pieces. Cutting somehow expressed what I needed it to, kept me grounded to something instead of flying away.
pretty much my story
   
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Re: What got you started? - November 4th 2009, 03:46 AM

I remember the first time I did it, and I just wanted the emotional pain to go away. I felt as though I deserved all of the pain in the world, so I inflicted many types of pain on myself at once.

I am so happy to be one year self harm free though. SH shaped my attitude and who I am today though.


There is always hope. PM me anytime.
SH Free since 10.20.08
   
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