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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Counted Heart. Offline
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We're in this together, right? - October 13th 2009, 08:14 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So, I have this friend...

The thing is, we're both self-harmers, and a little bit suicidal.

He's been supporting me throughout my recovery. I think I'm well on my way now (ten weeks free from cutting, and my suicidal thoughts have gone for now), but he... well, his suicidal thoughts are getting worse. He's researching, and kind of starting to plan. To be honest, it's starting to freak me out, even though I was doing the same thing to him just a few weeks ago.

When I told him I thought that someday I might actually go through with killing myself (not now, mind you, but if things get worse or anything, I think I might actually do it), he said that if I committed suicide, he would too. I argued with him a bit about that, and eventually I said 'How would you like it if I cut every time you did?', and he said 'It would definitely make me think twice before doing it'. So, through that, we came up with a deal - he cuts, I will too.

I know, I know, stupid, but I really care about him. Anyway, so now I'm wondering - was it the right thing to do? He really wants out of the deal, but I know if I do that he'll just go and cut. But I think he does want to recover, and maybe I'm doing this wrong? With me, I know that when I cut, I didn't think about suicide. And since we made the deal, he's been thinking more about suicide, and said he really needs to cut. So, if I let him out of the deal and he cuts, maybe he'll stop thinking about suicide?

Argh, I'm so confused. Sorry this is so long, and thanks if you're still reading. So, what I'm asking is - should I let him out of the deal, or not?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. xxx


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Re: We're in this together, right? - October 15th 2009, 01:02 AM

Well first off, glad to hear that you are feeling much better and 10 weeks free of cutting is amazing! You should be so proud of yourself. Secondly, that's great you are trying to help him towards his recovery. What you have to realize though, is that you are not the only one there to help him. He has many other friends and family to help get him through this. You can be there to talk to him and listen to him but it's really not your job to keep him from cutting. I understand you are just trying to help but no one can go at something this big alone. I suggest you try and have him tell his parents or a counselor at school. That way he can get the professional help he needs to get him through this and everything isn't on you. I don't think it is the right thing to hurt yourself just because he is, but you should talk to him about it rather than just right away letting him out of the deal. My advice would be just let him out of it, but try and get him professional help or just to tell his parents. It is just much to stressful for you to do yourself and it's not your job. Let me know how it goes.
Take care,
Alessa


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