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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Nope Offline
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I let myself down - January 24th 2009, 10:09 PM

I let myself down. One song at a dance put me over the edge.

It was our song...

It's my fault he's dead. It's my fault he killed himself.

I broke up with him, knowing he had depression and that he said he couldn't live without me...

...but I didn't know that he WOULDN'T live without me.

That song made me remember.

I got home, went in my room and cut MY FAULT into my leg multiple times.

The deepest I've ever gone.

I was doing so well, but I was weak.

I let myself down. I let him down. I let you guys down.

I'm sorry.

Last edited by Nope; January 24th 2009 at 10:10 PM. Reason: forgot to trigg
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 09:53 AM

Audry I am so sorry you lost someone.
But it is not your fault, you are not the one who killed him. He was the one that did whatever he did. You didn't want to be with him anymore and that isn't your fault or his fault. It happens.
You didn't know he was going to do that to himself. You just have to know it wasn't your fault. Maybe you should talk to someone. I am sorry you cut, but slip-ups happen to the best of us. But don't feel bad for cutting yourself. Just know that it was a slip up and just continue to be strong. If you want to talk please PM me.


Always remember to put your happiness first.
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 09:54 AM

Guys help!!! Katie told me she's going to tell my parents!!! My mom said if she ever found out I was cutting or doing something else she would send me to an institution!!! I don't want to go to an institution!!! Please help me!!!
   
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 10:28 AM

She turned her phone off...I know she's telling...my life is over =(
   
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 10:31 AM

Hey Audrey. Try to calm down.
Do you think maybe there's a chance that she won't tell your mom?





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 10:36 AM

I really don't think so...I honestly don't know why she would because it's happened to her too but she says its for the best but I know it's not. ='(
   
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 10:39 AM

Is there anyway that you can try to talk to her?
Try to make her understand, maybe? Same thing with your mom, if she finds out. Do you think that maybe they would listen to you?





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 10:41 AM

I don't know your how your mom really is about this kind of thing, but I think she would understand, and I don't think she would send you to an institution. Maybe therapy, but not an institution...
   
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 10:50 AM

^ I agree. I'm thinking that maybe your mom said the things about sending you to an institution just to threaten you and scare you into stopping. I don't think that she would honestly act upon it. So I wouldn't get yourself to worked up about it until you honestly find out how your mom reacts, if she's even told about it.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 11:08 AM

OK her phone is back on. She said she isn't going to tell her but if I continue then she will tell her. So I'm going to force myself to stop.
   
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 11:53 AM

Hey-

It's awesome you're going to try and stop. But let me do say, that why don't you tell your mom that you're having trouble coping with this, and you'd like to see a therapist? Then you can have help, and maybe your friend will back off a bit. If you force yourself to stop, chances are you'll start again later, because you have to quit for yourself. That's why threats don't work in asking people to stop.

I think my therapist has helped me the most, by just being there, and being someone to talk to. And she's reasonable enough to decide when it's best to send me to a hospital, when she should tell my mom, and when she can help me and feels I'm safe.

Therapists can also help your mom relax about different situations, and if a hospital is not the best course of action, which usually someone doesn't go for simply cutting, it'd be more the depression factor of it and so forth, she can convince your mom of that.

Make sure also, that if you are self harming, that you're doing it safely. Here is a good thread about first aid.

I hope everything works out for you, stay safe!
Maria.



The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

   
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Re: I let myself down - January 25th 2009, 01:06 PM

Thank you! I'll try to work this out.
   
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