This thought has been running through my mind for a while now and its really getting me down. I don't know what to do. Two weeks ago I graduated out of my group therapy program and I thought I was ready and thought I was strong. Well turns out I'm not strong enough. Two weeks after I graduated I cut. I was just really depressed because I felt worthless and that I wouldnt make it in life so after I cut, I felt even more worse and disappointed in myself which lead to more cutting. I couldnt stop. I know I could have called a friend or someone to talk me out of it but I didnt want to call anyone. I was too ashamed and still am. I dont know whether I should call someone or just keep it to myself because to be honest I'm not sure if I want to give up cutting. I do and I don't. I don't want to go back to that group therapy program but maybe I should. I'm confused.Please help me out. I'm scared that all of this is going to get the best of me and will end me up in the hospital again.
First off, Good job on going two weeks without SH! Recovery is a crawl, not a sprint, and though it's trying, you can only do it when you're ready.
I think only you can decide who/when/why you want to tell someone because if you tell someone before you're ready, it will only frustrate you, and if you tell someone and they insist on telling another person before you're ready, that's going to frustrate the hell out of you too.
You should tell someone when you're ready, and do the same with recovery. If you want things to get better with SH, you'll make that decision and no one can do that for you, though believe me people will try. You deserve to recover in your own time, but I do advise against waiting as well. We can only change things in our own time and on our own terms. Any sooner and it will just set us back. Good luck.
And when I'm not sure how to try, Who will take my hand?
I am glad you posted this because it sounds like you are going through a really difficult time at the moment. Ending therapy can be really hard because suddenly you are left with not much support and expected to stand on your own feet and get through life. It isn't always that easy though. I know when I finished therapy I went back to old coping mechanisms and didn't feel able to cope on my own. I suppose you have to be ready to go for it on your own.
You shouldn't feel ashamed because if you could I think you would stop self harming. Keeping it all to yourself won't help and will probably only make things worse. You know a problem shared is a problem halved. You shouldn't have to keep it all to yourself and that isolation will only make you feel worse. I think that maybe you should give the group therapy another go. Perhaps you were not ready to finish and having more sessions could help you to take control of your self harm. You don't want to go back into hospital so I think you should reach out for help now before things get that bad.
I am always happy to listen if you need someone to talk to. Stay strong.
You are strong, it takes a lot of strength to talk about your feelings. Self-harm is a vicious cycle, you have to get it before it gets you. The times you don't want to call anyone are the times you gotta make yourself do it anyway. I am going through the same situation with wanting to stop but not wanting to stop at the same time, it's very difficult and its confusing, know that you are not alone. Call your therapist (ir whoever ran the group) and see if she can help you. Keep your head up. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.