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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Fieryfxcker Offline
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i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 09:16 AM

I'm covered in cuts and scars.
Both old and new.
Both deep and shallow.
On my arms, legs, hips and hands and face.
They'll stay here and remind me of my past.
Some spell things, some are pictures.
Others are just lines.
Long, and short.


I feel like an idiot you know.
My wrist is wrapped up with my bandana.
My other wrist covered in bracelets.
I can put my hand on the top of my arm and move it downwards.
My arms and wrist are covered in lumps and bumps which are scars.

Yet I still keep wanting to punish myself over and over again.
Argh.
I'm so murderous towards myself...


*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
i_am_me_again Offline
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 09:34 AM

Sweetheart *hugs* What you have done, was in the past. If you really want to stop, as you probably know, there are other ways.

Its hard, when your a self harmer because you want to do it, but when the scar appears you dont want that. Im a self harmer as well.

Listen Darlin, we can stick together through this. It just takes a while & a bit of self control.

Why do you feel the need to punish yourself...? Because whatever it is, Im guessing is not your fault, but you think it is....dont worry hun....youl get better...I believe in you.

PM if you need me.


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Our lives are like music.
It hits its high and low notes,
But in the end,
It all turns into a perfect melody
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Fieryfxcker Offline
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 09:37 AM

ive tried the other ways. but they just dont work.
i have many reasons as to why i should punish myself...


*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*

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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 09:38 AM

sweetheart, your a good person. You want me to come online & we can chat?


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 09:43 AM

Hey Jasmine, I'm Lauren, it seems like you're going through a really rough time at the moment. I know things can get hard, and you think cutting is the only soloution, but my advice is to print out a copy of the alternatives thread and keep it with you, like in your school bag, or in your purse etc, so it's always there when things get hard.

Have you thought of talking to someone about this? a paremt/doctor etc?

A lot of us from TH Self-harm/Recovering/Recovered, so theres always someone here to talk too.

If you need any help

Pm me xxx


Lauren

"The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

"But in the ruins there is still a canvas. There is still beauty in your brokenness. The faded scars show healing reminding me that even though Iíve been in dark places, Iíve survived and learned and become stronger".




   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 09:46 AM

I was in a similar situation.
I'm nearly completely covered in scars, and i also felt like punishing myself all of the time.

But why do you think that you need to be punished? What have you done to deserve that? Because I'm sure you've done nothing, and are just looking for a reason to cut yourself. Thats what it can do to you.

I'm here if you want to talk.
x
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 10:33 AM

hmm.
its cos i've failed my friends.. failed my family.
screwed things up. they tell me to go and die, and that they dont care.
and i want to destory myself
i feel so disgusting... muderous towards myself.


*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*

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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 12:34 PM

I'm sure you haven't failed other people, it may feel that way at the moment.
Don't listen to people when they say 'go die', thats a horrible thing for someone to say, i'm sure that there are more people that would want you to live. I want you to anyway.

I'm sorry that you feel like you have to destroy yourself Jasmine, but there are good things about you, you just might not see them because of what people have said to put you down.

x
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 12:36 PM

i dont think ill ever see the good side.

the voice. he doesnt like good.
infact he hates me. .
hates everything about m.e
as does most people...


*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*

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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 12:50 PM

Is there anyone you can talk to?
A parent, councellor, or doctor?
Anyone so that you dont have to be alone with this.

x
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Fieryfxcker Offline
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 12:52 PM

tried all those and more.
nothing works..


*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*

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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 12:56 PM

You have to try to believe in yourself. I believe in you.
I know how hard it is, but you can fight it if its what you want.

I wish I could be of more help, It upsets me to think of you hurting yourself.
x
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
Fieryfxcker Offline
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 01:05 PM

im really sorry.
dont be upset.


*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*

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  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 01:11 PM

There's no need to be sorry at all!

I may not know you or speak to you but I still care. You remind me of myself 6 months ago, I was in a VERY similar situation.
Hope will come.

x
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 03:54 PM

I don't know if this is going to help you or not...I'm a very differnt person then you...you are differnt then me, and the two of us are differnt then everyone else in the world, but maybe give this a shot.

Make yourself a detailed list of all the wrongs you believe you have to punish yourself for. then, each day, work to right one wrong. Weather you have to go appologies to someone, or simply confront someone to right a wrong done to you. If you do that, then perhaps you'll be able to forgive yourself and others and then not feel quite so guilty.

I would also suggest that you fond a good counselor, maybe at school or possibly at a local hospital. Find someone you feel comfortable with and see if you can maybe work out a plan of attack with someone. Quitting cutting is possible, I did it and many others have too. BUT, it is so much harder to do it on your own. Find someone who can be right there with you...helping you, supporting you, and growing to understand you as you grow to understand yourself.

I'm always available if you need someone to talk to. Someone whose been there and done that and kept going. I promise you, finding someone to talk to will help, you just have to let it. It'll get easier, maybe not go away completely, but just like scars fade with time, your anger and disapointment in yourself will fade if you let it.

Hugs, you can do this!

~Anna~
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  (#16 (permalink)) Old
Fieryfxcker Offline
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 04:17 PM

meh...
ah well


*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*

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  (#17 (permalink)) Old
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 04:17 PM

Hey,
I know it must be hard being reminded of the past all the time. Try finding things that will take your mind off the past and your cuts/scars and/or urges to hurt yourself more. *HUGS* Hope you feel better soon.


"You'll always be my hero, even though you lost your mind."
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  (#18 (permalink)) Old
Fieryfxcker Offline
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Re: i'm covered in.... - January 26th 2009, 04:34 PM

thank you. hope you are okay


*I'm a slow dying flower, in the frost-killing hour, turning sour and untouchable.*

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