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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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WingedWolf Offline
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Going backwards? - January 28th 2009, 04:40 PM

I Selfharmed when I was 13 till I was late 14. I used to dig my nails into myself, to the point where it bruised but didn't bleed, or would pull my own hair, punch things. Then once, just once, I cut myself. A teacher found it (like an idiot, in a fit of fury I had done it on my hand) and I was put in councelling.

Don't get me wrong, she's great, she's really helpful, but I still feel depressed. I still tried to kill myself not /so/ long ago, and my eating habits are still funny. But I've fallen back into self harm for about 8 months? and it's becoming more and more pressing, I used to leave it a month, but then a fortnight, a week, and know I can barely leave it a few days without cutting. I still do the nails and things but it no longer...I don't know... satisfies? like it used to. I have to see blood, or bruising, some real colour or I don't feel like I've done enough.

And I've also started coming up with excuses before I've done the self harm. I knew I was going to self harm since the beginning of Saturday, and I thought about what I was going to do, what to say. And I planned it. Took the dog for a walk, came home, cut myself, then came home and when my parent noticed, just told her I'd fallen over in brambles. There was even a friend who knew about it before, and I've slowly convinced him that there's nothing going on, by just not admitting to anything.

Does anyone else see why I feel like I'm going backwards rather than forwards?

Last edited by WingedWolf; January 28th 2009 at 04:56 PM.
   
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Re: Going backwards? - January 28th 2009, 05:01 PM

Hey. I can see where you'd feel like you weren't moving forward. It's important to remember that quitting is often a very hard and, sometimes, long process. It's ok to slip up once in a while. Sometimes, we need to slip up to remind us why we're quitting in the first place. But, I think it's getting a little worse. If I were you, I would tell my parents or my counselor. One of them, or both. At this point, I think you need to try being honest with everyone about this and admit that maybe you need a little more of a push to keep going. This doesn't mean you've failed at all. Admitting this is a big step. Try telling your counselor and let them know how you're feeling and that you're still SHing, and more often. Let them know that, so you can heal properly and quicker. Things won't even get better if you hide the truth from the ones that could help. If you need someone to talk to about anything, I'm only a PM away. :]

~Stay strong and have faith.


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Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
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