Triggering (SH): Ashamed

[beautiful.tragedy]

Tonight, I ended up cutting myself again.

I've been a cutter since I was 13-years-old and ever since, it's been on/off. Sometimes, I'll stop for a while but then I'll start again.

My past has been really traumatic. I've been raped twice, was abused when I was younger, I've been in an abusive relationship, the girl that I loved deeply killed herself two years ago. I also have bipolar disorder, autism and ADHD.

I've tried to talk to my parents about it already but they don't understand. My dad calls me stupid for being a cutter and he even said that I'm not a real self-harmer because I'm not in a mental health unit.

I feel like I'm trapped in a vicious cycle that will never end. Please help. I just want to feel okay within myself...

[Felorena.]

Hey there.

Im really sorry to hear things are bad right now. Things are hard, life is hard, but your still here and you havnt given up. Your dad has no right to say these things to you. You dont have to be in a unti to be a 'real cutter'. Ive been in a unit, and some of the kids there, were simply doing for attention. It works nothing like that. You have these issues, and you are not to blame, you are not wanting them, but you have them, and thats the way it is. People, are there to help though. Have you tried talking to anyone? Maybe you could consider having councilling? Or just try and talk to someone you trust. A teacher if you are at school or college. Family friends. Family. Helplines. See your doctor. These people are all here to help you when you need someone or something. You dont deserve to feel this way. Self harm is hard to get out of, once you get in to it. You can change that though. Try using distraction techniques etc. Maybe you could talk to your parents, and tell them how they are making you feel.

Dont be afraid to reach out for help. People can only help if they only know. If they dont know, they cant help.

Take care and PM me if you need a chat.
Take care.
Jess x

[Gidig]

Hey-

I too am sorry you're going through this right now. On top of having trouble with self harm, your parents aren't being helpful at all. Which really doesn't help any one involved, you or them.

Sometimes the reason parents react this way is because of the lack of knowledge about self harm. It truly is a taboo subject in our society unfortunately. Perhaps you could print out some information from online and let your father read it. It sounds like he's very ignorant when it comes to mental health issues like self harm.

Is there any chance you could see a therapist? They could also help speak to your parents and help them understand the problem better. You're 18, so pretty much it's insurance and paying that gets in the way, you don't need your parents consent to speak with a therapist.

Make sure overall that you're staying safe. Practice good first aid anywhere you've self harmed if you continue to self harm. Try alternatives (there's a great sticky at the top of this forum with a huge list of them) and keep your mind distracted when you feel the urge to harm yourself.

Maria.

[.Brittany.]

Hi there,

Sounds like you are going through a lot. I can understand some of what you go through, as I have gone through it myself. Cutting is definitely something hard for parents to understand. My parents have now been convinced that I have stopped back when I was 12. Have you considered using some of our alternatives that we have listed here? They help a lot, and I use them a lot.

Have you considered talking to a therapist about your past? And all the hard things you have gone through? I find that talking to someone 1-to-1 helped me a lot.

PM me anytime
Brittany

[alex2010]

I'm so sorry about how things are going for you right now. I have ADHD too and i used to cut. Let me tell you, if I can stop cutting you can too. Just put your past behind you and move on in life. I found the best way to stop cutting was to talk to friends and hide my razor. Both of which are really simple to do. Just remember your not alone.

[beautiful.tragedy]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I'm going to start searching for a therapist next week. I really do want to heal but it's so difficult to. My psychiatrist is giving up on me and that doesn't help, even though I absolutely hate her. I don't like her at all but I'm angry at the same time.

I'm getting the urge again.

[Ellie]

Hey there, first of all I'm really glad that you've posted because with both the way that your parents are acting and the fact that you don't like your psychiatrist it doesn't sound like you have much support around you. It's hard when you don't get on with the people who are working to help you, i.e. your psychiatrist, but you don't have to stay with her. It's important that you get along with whoever is supporting you and that their methods work for you. I suggest that you talk to your doctor and find out about what services are available to you. You're 18 so it will be your decision as to whether your parents know or not. You can be in control of the help that you receive but you need to make that step to getting it. You've made that first step by posting here so use that to reach out to people around you.

[beautiful.tragedy]

I don't have a doctor yet and I was supposed to register with one but I haven't yet. I've simply been too busy.

Anyway, I cut myself again last night. I did it really badly, though. My left arm wouldn't stop bleeding for ages. Luckily, I managed to stop the bleeding but it wasn't an easy thing to do.

I'm sick of this.

[Coexist.]

First off, if you need to talk to me, pm me anytime. I know how you feel. What you're going through is intense, and you need somebody to talk to.
Second, if you want to quit, the first thing is get rid of your tools. That has been one of the biggest things that has helped me quit.
And forget what your father says. He's talking out of anger, and probably out of shame in himself for not protecting you.
Only you can control what you do, don't let others control you.