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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lelala Offline
dead inside, to a black heart
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Join Date: February 1st 2009

Exclamation I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! - February 1st 2009, 09:32 PM

okay well
i need help
i REALLY REALL REALLY want to cut myself right now until I die
except that everyone that knows i cut in my family are here,
my mom, grandma, and cousin (she used to cut when she was my age)
i think all the problems in my life are triggering me::

1.my mom has had lupus since she was 14 (15% kidney function)
2.she had breast cancer when I was in 5th grade
3.she is on dialisis right now
4.she just had her kidney removed last thursday
5.everyone is telling me that everyone hates me
6.that I am ugly
7.that i will have no future
8.that i should just go die because no one will fucking care
9.i moved to my grandmas house three weeks ago and i HATE it with a passion
10. my parents are getting a divorce
11. they are broke to the penny
12. we have to use food cards because we can't even afford food
13.i transfered schools and i hate it.
14.everyone at my school is already making fun of me
15.there are rumors at my new school about me

I seriously want to go to a mental institute because I would be better off there than here.No one gives a fuck that I am hurting inside. Enough to make me kill myself. They know how I feel.But they don't care.And it just makes me hurt more and more.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
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Outside, huh?
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Location: Michigan.

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Join Date: January 8th 2009

Re: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! - February 1st 2009, 09:47 PM

Hey there.
First of all, I care. I really do. And I know that things are tough, sounds like life's pretty tricky for you right now. But I know that there have got to be people around you that really do care about you. Everyone's got at least someone who cares, and you definitely do too. Second, I'm really sorry about your mom and her health, and the whole money crisis. But you are not alone in that aspect. There are people everywhere struggling through those kinds of things right now, and there are also people who have dragged themselves through tough times like the ones you are facing, and they'll look at you and tell you that there is absolutely nothing that you can't make it through. And they would be right. You can make it through these kinds of things, and I know that you will. There's so many people that have financial problems right now, but you guys are managing, and that's great. And things will change, I promise. Who knows, maybe one day you'll all be millionaires. It's possible. Just keep on hoping. As for the school, things like that suck, and people can be mean. But I think the most important thing to remember is that people who go out of their way to give you a hard time are not worth the pain that you might feel because of what they say or do to you. I know that sometimes doesn't help much, it's hard to believe sometimes. But it's honestly true. You'll eventually find your place at your new school, and people will back down, I promise. And as for the people who tell you don't have a future, screw them. And prove them the hell wrong. They ARE wrong. Don't let anyone make you feel as if you are worthless, because you are anything but.

Keep strong, things are gonna turn out for you. I'm here if you ever need to chat. xx

And wow, almost forgot about the cutting part :P
I know, and I know you probably know, that even though things are hard right now, cutting doesn't take those things away. Sneaking off and locking yourself in your room to self harm, it's not going to miraculously make everything become better. It would be nice if it could, but it won't. So, it's definitely not worth it. Don't use self harm as your crutch, you are strong enough to get by without a crutch. Try to distract yourself for the time being, if that helps.

A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts

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Trashed Offline
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Re: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! - February 2nd 2009, 02:21 AM


Take a second to think about what you're doing when you feel like this, take a deep breath and ask yourself, Is it worth it? If all these people around you don't want you doing that to yourself also then I suggest you try to surround yourself with these people at this point in time. You also need to think about your future, it's not just now that matters, think about the damage you could do.

Well it seems like your Mother is a big issue in your life, with everything she's suffering with she needs your support more than anything right now. I'm sure on top of what she's going through, you harming yourself would hurt her inside more than anything. Be there for her as much as possible right now, ask her how she is feeling at the moment.

As for your personal problems, firstly, you should never think you're ugly, because who are you comparing yourself too. I don't believe there is such thing as ugly, there is only such thing is no self-confidence, and that's something a lot of people lack, but it's easily gained with a little help. Self-confidence is gained by doing things that make you feel nervous, like getting up on a stage, or talking to new people, anything that makes you feel good afterwards. Your future is in your hands and you can choose to do with it whatever you wish, talk to your teachers at school and tell them how you feel towards your future, they will be able to help.

If people are telling you things like that in which upset you then, you don't need to talk to those people and they are avoidable. Also if they carry on and it's in school, tell your teacher what they say because it's emotional abuse. Also, don't ever think that if you died that nobody would care because you have your family around you, and those people would care more than anybody in the world. You are a big part of your families life and losing you would be losing a big chunk of their heart.

Moving house within itself can be unsettling for a while but if you feel it was a move that did you more bad then good well you should tell someone, but remember that this isn't forever and your mother is ill so you need to hold up strong even when you feel weak. Right now, your living conditions may not be the best you could have but it's what you have so, make the most of seeing your Grandparents while you still can.

Your parents getting divorced isn't something you can control but remember that, this isn't your fault and they're still your parents. A lot of people have problems and when they can't be solved it sometimes calls for a divorce to make them both happier. They love you just like they did before but, one day you'll understand that some problems just can't ever be worked out between people.

Having hardly any money must be difficult for you but it won't last forever, right now it's depressing yes but in time you'll get your own education and you'll make your own money and you can buy as much food as you want. If it's so bad, speak to your teacher and ask if there is any other way around food cards and that your family is struggling, she might be able to point you in the right direction, same with a doctor if you have one.

School is a challenge for 98% of the children and so you're not alone in dealing with this, when people call you names or emotionally abuse you, you have to tell someone who can do something about it. Tell the head teacher/dean/principle that it's not stopping and it's making your time at school very miserable. The rumors you can ignore for now but people saying things, you should ask them to stop because they possibly don't realize what's going on in your life right now.

Through all this, if you can still not cut yourself then you are a strong person, and you came for advice, spilling your problems out which is brave. But there is also alternatives to cutting, things you can do to replace it or distract you from it. Things like: Paint your nails, Read a book, Surf the net, Cry into your pillow, Do some drawing. Anything you can think of that isn't harmful to you would do you some good.

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