Indifference

[CloserToTheClouds]

I wasn't sure, so I labeled it triggering. I don't really know why I'm doing this, since I don't think there's much anyone on here can say. I know all the risks, I've had the 'why you shouldn't do it' talks, I've heard all the 'but doesn't it feel so good to know how long you've gone' and 'you don't want to break your promise' speeches and quite frankly, I just don't care. It's been three years since I started, I've "stopped" multiple times. I went 9 months only slipping up twice. Then the third turned into a fourth last night. Really, I just don't care about it. Even in the hot weather, it's not hard to hide. I'm really not that worried about people finding out, it's just...part of me. I don't go deep enough to cause much damage other than some scars.

I know I should feel worse about it, talking to Becca and a girl from school yesterday. The girl from school, we facebook chatted last night. She won't tell anyone, I'm sure of that. But she said I need to stop, because someone very close to her was really bad with it and really hurt her in the process (I think she found her once?) she said it scares the shit out of everyone.

I have art with her first period, so my guess is she's going to wanna go to the back room and talk.

I just feel so...neutral with the whole thing. I don't think I should be doing it, but I don't feel like I need to stop. For some reason, it just feels right.

[Nomophobia]

you're right, there isnt much to say..other than I know exactly how you feel because im at the same point at the moment. We both know it is wrong tho...but maybe we just aren't ready to stop yet..try the alternatives and see if they help. or any less damaging ways of harming that you can think of xxx

[Nixie]

Hey there.

If your friend wants to talk to you about it, let her talk to you about it! It's great to discuss your feelings with someone, especially with someone you trust. I know you may not feel like quitting now, but these things take time. So your friend should be patient with you as you are patient with yourself. Maybe, when you feel like starting to change, you can gradually use alternatives to substitute the act of cutting... such as a rubber band on your wrists, squeezing an ice cube in your hand (that sounds interesting enough to do just for fun anyway haha), umm..drawing on your hand, and just various activities to do that may or may not have anything to do with cutting... like playing with a pet or watching tv. I hope I've helped you in some way! But above all, try to keep yourself from negavtivity in any shape or form, okay? If you want to chat some more, just message me! No offense if not

[annabanana.]

Hey Keena,

Firstly I want to say well done to talking to your friend about it. That takes guts and shows how strong you are. I'm also glad that you trust her, perhaps she can help you more than you realise. Self harm in a sense is who you are - it has influenced how you have got to where you are now and how you are living. It has been a major part in your life. But if you want it to, it can change.

9 months with only two slip ups is amazing! I am so proud of you for that and I am sure many others are. You can keep going now, you have got that far. Don't worry about the slip ups though, everyone does it and it is normal when giving up an addiction like this. Just try to pick yourself up where you left off. I believe in you!

But it needs to be something you want to do, it takes an awful lot of will power and strength. I believe you have that in you but you have to believe it yourself, it is a vital part of recovery. If now isn't the right time, maybe leave it a couple of months and see how you feel. You need to be ready to do it, don't do it because everyone else wants you to.

PM me if you need a chat at any point,
Take care.
Anna

[CloserToTheClouds]

It didn't take anything to talk to people. It never does, it's not hard, at least not when I'm online or texting. I've told a lot of people. A lot of people have left me. I couldn't even count how many people have known. I don't go flashing it around or anything, but when someone asks me what's wrong, and that IS what's wrong, then I'll usually end up telling them. I promise myself I won't, and I end up doing it anyways. I trust too easily.

But I just...feel nothing right now. I feel nothing, but I feel horrible too. I spent all weekend in bed, not wanting to do anything.

[lea-x-fallen]

theres nothing wrong with indiffrence, but sometiems you need to learn to care about things. self harmm can nevr hlp you, it makes things harder. ry tlking to this girl, she might truely underdtsand.

[WillO'Wisp]

It's good you have someone to talk to, and you do need to stop but I understand how when you are depressed, cutting yourself feels right when it really isn't.
I was a cutter for about 3-4 years, and I stopped completely and never went back to it because I realized I'm not accomplishing anything by doing it, I'm only afflicting more pain on myself and I don't need to hurt myself because by doing that, I wasn't going to recover and I wasn't going to get any better. It's not too hard to quit when you really put your mind to it, when you have the urge to do it but you go for a walk to clear your head with your iPod instead or just call up a friend and vent out to them, anyone who is willing to listen. There's always someone who cares.

[annabanana.]

These are the feelings that the self harm is wanting you to feel. It wants you to feel alone, like you have no one you can trust, like you need to isolate yourself. You can get through it but you just need to stay strong. I always find it easier to talk online or texting as well, that way you don't get to see the other persons reaction I guess. But, you still have to have courage to do such a thing, whether you think that or not. Given you find it easier, why not talk about it online with her, or by texting? If that is the way you feel most comfortable then that would be the best way for you. Work around what you are comfortable and happy doing, that way it will feel better for you.

Take care.
Anna