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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
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before you make the first cut - February 10th 2009, 03:42 AM

I found this on another website and it was crazy how much it was just like me... i'm hoping it might help a few ppl out or at least stop someone from starting self-harm


Warning

"....before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this.
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily...
They will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will take sometimes months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
IF you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again...
it will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live...
you will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
and you are gaping....
and you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
Praying it will be ok, swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further.
Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20 , 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips...
3 or four different kinds of dressings...
betadine...
antibiotic cream...
medical tape...
scar reducers...
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someon will notice...
someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies...
someone who understands but of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...
longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands , boots... gloves..the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a differnent way...
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI...
just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it ..
as your eyes scan their wrists & arms...
hoping just hoping they will be like you....
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood..
Scrubbing your bathroom floor...
wiping the blood of your keyboard...
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergancies.
When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Beacuase you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease."
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully..
You will dream about cutting...
you will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely HATE cutting...
at the same time you love it and can not live with out it... "
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 10th 2009, 08:45 PM

yea ive read that before has a lot of meanig to it and lots of people can actually relate. Gets you to thinking.


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 11th 2009, 12:33 AM

i relate to this so much, ..
i've been cutting for five years ..
and it gets worse and worse ..
i can't go without an hour without a fresh mark..
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 11th 2009, 01:53 AM

i love this. its so right. so unbelievably right...
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 11th 2009, 02:15 AM

Hey- This is awesome. =) Do you happen to have a source? That'd be awesome!



The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 11th 2009, 03:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gidig View Post
Hey- This is awesome. =) Do you happen to have a source? That'd be awesome!

i'm sry i'm not sure where it came from originally. i got it off of another forum and just thought it would maybe help someone over here.

the other forum said it came from psyke.org, but the link didn't work and i wasn't able to find it on the site at all.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 11th 2009, 07:49 AM

Whoah,that's great.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 11th 2009, 02:40 PM

Love thats. Thats so true. For anyone who reads it and doesnt self-harm, please, please trust me and never start, because that is exactly like it is..


[x] Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You wont try for me, not now,
Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

Isn't something missing?
Isnt someone missing me [x]

Baby, i want you to be my superman.
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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 12th 2009, 04:44 AM

Good gosh that definitely resonates with me. Especially the part about doing your laundry alone and how (for me) wearing shorts or summer clothes is a far off memory. Thank you for posting that. Makes one think twice about it.



The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 12th 2009, 12:16 PM

I've seen this before, and it's absolutely incredible. I have showed it to two people, and I think it really had an effect on at least one of them.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 12th 2009, 02:14 PM

i can realate to it, my friend has swimming pool in her house and i purposely forget my swimming stuff just to avoid getting changed into my swim stuff.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
Perplexity Offline
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 12th 2009, 04:19 PM

I'm sure I've read this somewhere before. But yeah, it has a lot of meaning to it and I can relate to it and I'm sure others can as well. Hopefully it'll make some people think twice about it.

Thanks for posting this.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 12th 2009, 08:08 PM

I've read this numerous times before and it has a lot of meaning to it. It's completely true, and from my experience I can definitely relate to it. Thank you for posting this.
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 12th 2009, 11:20 PM

I read this before I started SHing. . . I still started. . . I wish I would have believed it.

This can be found here: http://teenhelp.org/forums/showthread.php?t=171 In articles.


If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want
them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.
-Albert Einstein
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 15th 2009, 10:41 PM

I think most self harmers including me can read this and it could almost be written about them.
It really makes you think dosen't it.


Lauren

"The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

"But in the ruins there is still a canvas. There is still beauty in your brokenness. The faded scars show healing reminding me that even though Ive been in dark places, Ive survived and learned and become stronger".




   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 16th 2009, 02:10 AM

uhhhh. i read this a year ago. it doesn't make me happy. at all.


bring back the :rockon: smiley.
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  (#17 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 16th 2009, 02:15 AM

I'm pretty sure we have a thread with this in it in the Articles Section here on TH. It's a good read though.


--A
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: before you make the first cut - February 16th 2009, 02:23 AM

As there is already a article about this, I'm going to close this thread. Even though people will not be able to reply to this thread, they will still be able to read it. Also, I don't think this thread needs any more replies as it's not a thread asking for advice. So if you still want to read this, you can, but not reply. And you can always check it out in the Articles section of TeenHelp.
   
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