Failure...

[Alto.]

I want to cut myself more then anything right now, but I have stayed away for almost a year. If I start up again I am going to feel like a failure, but if I don't do anything, I'm going to end up committing suicide. My parents know that I cut myself last year, but when they found out I had already stopped so they couldn't do much. I don't want to be told to just tell them, that is so much easier said then done. I do write, but it isn't enough anymore. I don't want to talk to my friends about it, I am so scared that they will leave me. I'm the loner girl in school, I have two friends, one of which moved over summer so now she lives and hour away. I can't lose them, they are the ones I think about when I am so close to doing it. What can I do? I don't want to give in after just a year, but I'm scared of what will happen if I don't start cutting again...

[xHollyx]

hey erin,i know how you feel,i started back cutting again 2 days ago,the feeling is awful,id stopped for only 2 weeks youve stopped foe almost a year,thats a lot longer compared to me,you have to do everything you can to stop yourself doing anything that can harm yourself,im a big fan of music so whenever i feel like im going to cut,i play musi really loudly,music that i can relate to.mostly depressing music but its something you can cry along to rather than sing to,it lifts the pressure off you,youre only 12?to go through what your going through at that age is unbelievable,you can speak to me whenever you want on this on even add me on msn,i really hope your ok,youll get there
xxxxx

[*Jen*]

Hey Erin,

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. It sounds like things are really difficult for you right now. But a whole year without self harm is absolutely amazing! I think deep down you don't really what to self harm but maybe are not sure what else you can do. I think you know that self harm doesn't solve your problems and it will only make things worse for you. Once you start again you will probably become addicted so it will be twice as hard to stop. It really isn't worth it.

Do you know what has helped you over the last year not to self harm? Perhaps this could help you right now to fight these urges. Also maybe have a look at the self harm alternatives thread because that has loads of suggestions of things you can do other than self harm. You should hopefully find something helpful on there.

If your friends are true friends then they wouldn't just leave you. They would want to support you through this difficult time that you are going through. But they can only do that if they know how you are feeling. They could be really supportive so maybe it is worth a go having a chat to them. Then at least you will have someone to talk to as well and won't have to keep it all to yourself.

I am always here if you want to chat. Stay strong.

[rainbownikki]

have you thought of going to a mental health hospital. it can be hard i know, but it can help you express whats going on inside, and might save you from suicidal behavors/self harm.( if you have any questions on how to tell someone you need help dont think twice, pm me)