getting better? assesment and blood test

[UltraViolet]

i had to go for a blood test on wednesday
the experience was hidious
its the first time i've had to push both sleeves up over my elbow in front of anyone for about 4 years
the scars are discusting
i cut on my arm the other day, but at the top
and im going to try and not do it again
i'm allowing myself to cut on my legs again instead.
i hope i wont slip up
i'm not cutting everyday now, or even every other day
at the moment its 1 maybe 2 times a week
im not gettin my hopes up and thinking im beating it.
but maybe, its possible
i never thought it would be

in some ways i feel a little better, in others i feel less depressed and more the feeling that something else is going on
some other mental condition and no, im not jumping to conclusions

i've got to go for another mental assesment thing, not sure when
i'm terrified, but i know i should go

even though i feel better today i had the urge to take a load of painkillers
i took some
so i suppose i am still SHing, like ive been brusing myself on purpose
maybe im not gettin better at all?
i've no idea

[UltraViolet]

k i get the hint, i'll just write on my blog next time
cos i dont get any replies here anyway

thanks guys, thanks alot

[Star Crow]

I think that if you're skeptical about getting better you are getting better because thats the way these things tend to work. Don't worry about the mental assesment. Whatever happens happens and its no se worrying about things outside your control.

Well I feel like bruising is better than cutting. It doesn't do as much damage so it seems like an imporvment from where you were before (not that I know too well where you were before but this post suggests you're doing better now.)

Also I think if you get your hopes up that you are beating it then it will be easier to try to beat it. Try to stay optimistic. If you have to cut try cutting a little less or not as deep and that would be an improvement as well.

stay strong!