Triggering (SH): I slipped

[LittleFish]

Last night I cut myself for the first time in like two months. I was doing so good. I really thought I could live without it. And then I did it, and it felt so fucking good, and now I don't think I'll be able to hold back. I had fought the temptation for a good two months, and now all of that has gone to waste. And it was for the dumbest reason; I got a C on my report card and it dropped my GPA to a 3.6. I'm so angry at myself, and I don't even know why. And my friend is expecting me to be honest with her when it comes to depression from now on, but I know she won't know how to handle this, and I don't want to put her in that position. I just don't know what to do. I'm so upset with myself right now. I feel so pathetic for so many reasons, and it's only making me want to do it again.

[c1624]

Slipping is a normal thing to do. You could go 6 months without even thinking about cutting, and then you could. Cutting is an addiction, and you have to take small steps down from it. Like smoking, it's hard to quit.

When trying to step down you need support, from friends and maybe family. Don't feel bad if you slip, it's a normal thing, and you're only human, but remember that you're a wonderful person, and stay strong. If you need someone to talk to you can always message me.

Don't feel guilty,
-Caylee

[SonicFan]

Originally Posted by LittleFish

Last night I cut myself for the first time in like two months. I was doing so good. I really thought I could live without it. And then I did it, and it felt so fucking good, and now I don't think I'll be able to hold back. I had fought the temptation for a good two months, and now all of that has gone to waste. And it was for the dumbest reason; I got a C on my report card and it dropped my GPA to a 3.6. I'm so angry at myself, and I don't even know why. And my friend is expecting me to be honest with her when it comes to depression from now on, but I know she won't know how to handle this, and I don't want to put her in that position. I just don't know what to do. I'm so upset with myself right now. I feel so pathetic for so many reasons, and it's only making me want to do it again.

Slipping is normal, we've all done it from time to time. It is important to realise that it has happened, you can't change it so don't think about what could have happened if you acted differently.

It does feel good to be SH free, keep that feeling in your head. Two months is strong. Consider it a personal best and aim to beat it next time.

I don't know the US school system so cannot say whether or not a 3.6 is bad but I doubt it if a C brought it down. It's not a stupid reason to SH, there are no stupid reasons, instead concentrate on working towards the future, grades are not everything and you can rebuild. It can be difficult if you've defined yourself around something but no one thing defines a person, I found that out the hard way.

Perhaps you should try your friend, it may surprise you and either way she asked for it .

I suggest you make a list of reasons that make you feel pathetic and then refute each one in turn

[Em...]

Hey Se-Se,

I hope you're feeling better a bit. I first want to commend you for actually posting about your slip-up. Many people don't get to the point of wanting to post their mistakes. This shows that you're willing to try some advice and that's something I admire.

As the other people have said, slipping-up is normal, it's a progression beating self-harm. I personally have slipped up twice, but I do not count them. I just look over them and keep counting the days. And I must say that no reason is stupid. It upset you enough to want to cut so it's legit enough to do, not at all is it a silly reason. This shows that you have a perfectionist personality. This isn't a bad thing, but that's just how I would classify you. No worries, I'm the same way, so I can understand just how much the C is upsetting. But it's okay. It's okay.

Now, as far as telling your friend. To be honest, I would. I think that perhaps to tell her would be wise because it will help you with your guilt and she may be able to give you some sensible advice that you could use. There won't be no harm in trying to talk to her. She may get upset, but at least you'll be honest with her and that's an admirable quality in any friend. So give it a try.

I would suggest learning some new coping skills. Self harm is a way to cope, not a healthy way, but it is a way to cope. There is a sticky in this forum with safe alternatives to cutting that you may want to look into. So give that a try too.

I can sympathise with you Se-Se, because I've been where you are. I hope this helped you a bit. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Take care.

[Ess The Morgenstern *]

I know what you mean, I've been there myself and I'm there nowadays, but I'm sure your friend loves you and she'll understand if you trust her.
if you need some support any time, here I am.
All the best xx

[falling_x]

Hey

Hope you are feeling a little bit better by now.

I just want to say that slips are normal. There is no need for you to feel bad and guilty about it. Let's think about it, that is just opening that spiral to start. Smile. So what you've slipped. You are human and therefore not perfect.

Your friend wants you to be honest with her. What's the worse that could happen if you open up to her about it?

Two months is an amazing achievement, you should be proud of yourself. One slip doesn't mean that its all over. Keep strong.

falling_x

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

Slipping is not uncommon even after several months clean. I have broken after four months clean.

My advice is to just keep that in mind and try try again. Do not worry about slipping up every now and then. You can do it, I know just keep your head up.

Also, you can look at the thread in this forum that is about the things you can do instead.

[LittleFish]

Hey, guys. Just wanted to say thanks. Reading this really helped me feel better about it, as I realize now that pretty much ever SH'er who's ever tried to quit has gone through this. And if some people have made it for years, then it must be possible.

I did end up talking to my friend. I'm surprised at how well she handled it, as I wasn't expecting her to be so mature about it (which is really silly, because she's one of the most mature people I know.) She told me that she's worried about me and told me not to beat myself up. She told me not to think too much about it and let it tempt me. She even stayed online practically all day, which helped tremendously. I think my main issue before was that I didn't have much of a motivation to stop other than the fear of my parents finding out. But knowing that someone cares and wants me to stop is definitely helping. I'm really glad.

I don't know if I'll end up doing it again, but if I do, I'm not going to let it drag me down. As long as I know that I really did try to keep myself from it, which I was, I'm okay. Thanks again, everyone.

[thewickedcity]

We all slip at some point. Last week I cut myself for the first time in four years. I'm disappointed in myself because I thought I was done with self harm for good, but sometimes things happen and we get overwhelmed. It's normal. But the way I look at it is this, whether two months or four years or just a day.. anytime we spend not self harming is good.. it's not a waste. You still saved yourself from two months of cuts and that's awesome. And since you've stopped before, you know you have the strength to stop again.. good luck.

Edit - just realized you already replied.. glad to hear things went well with your friend & that you're doing better

[Em...]

Yay! I'm so glad that you were able to talk to your friend and i'm even more happy that she was so mature about it and helped you out a bit. Talking does help, and slip-ups do happen and i'm so glad that you realise this.
Remember the alternatives and if you feel like SHing again check those things out.
PM me anytime. I'm proud of you.