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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Imaginary Offline
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What do you own? - February 15th 2009, 06:41 AM

Cutting is the only thing that is mine. Everything else, people take it from me and ruin it. I let them by being honest with them. I don't want to tell them anything. They can't take this away from me! It's mine! I HATE THEM!

Do you ever feel numb? What do you do instead of cutting? What other things do you have? Please respond. I've tried music, someone took that from me

it's all about them

acting

they're going to take it

writing

drawing painting drinking I hate you! even love I can't feel anything anymore. I only cry small tears of ice, ice turns to clay on my skin.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
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Re: What do you own? - February 15th 2009, 08:31 AM

It's understandable that you cling to cutting because it is something you own; it is something you can control. In fact, that is an underlying reason behind cutting for many SHers. It is a way of saying "this way I can control the pain that is inflicted on me. I am in control." The reason you hate them is because you feel threatened, you feel if you lose cutting then you lose any control you have in the world around you. So you hate anyone you fear might try and take that from you because you feel threatened. Does this sound familiar?

I don't really feel numb anymore. But there are other things that you can own as your own, that someone cannot take away from you. No one can take away your creativity, even if they somehow take your music and art. No one can take away your unique way of thinking and talking, your mannerisms. They are all a part of you. And that is what you have to draw strength off of- the things within. But not ones that are a source of pain; draw off the ones that are a source of hope or happiness. When you are numb, I know, it's almost impossible to remember what that feels like- so imagine it. Imagine it and go with it.

Just remember- there are a lot of things people can take away from us. But they cannot take away our dreams. They cannot take away your right to feel things. They cannot take away the beauty you can see in the world, if you chose to open your eyes to it.



The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
lauren_160 Offline
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Re: What do you own? - February 15th 2009, 12:08 PM

Hey Imaginary, By what you said in your post, it seems, like you think you have control of your SH, but SH is really the conrolling one for all of us, and the quicker we get away from it the better,
have you tried looking at the alternatives thread?

But take care
xx

(alternatives thread link below)
x
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/showthread.php?t=130



Lauren

"The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

"But in the ruins there is still a canvas. There is still beauty in your brokenness. The faded scars show healing reminding me that even though Iíve been in dark places, Iíve survived and learned and become stronger".




   
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hellokitty Offline
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Re: What do you own? - February 15th 2009, 05:11 PM

but your not in control.


bring back the :rockon: smiley.
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Imaginary Offline
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Re: What do you own? - February 16th 2009, 07:54 AM

I am at the moment. I don't want to let go of it again. Aww look at me. I'm crying real tears for the first time in so long. I just feel so hurt. I used to be able to do what I wanted. I could dress in baggy pants with mini skirts and feather boas. I could design my hair with tape and paint. I could draw and laugh and talk and yell and scream. Now I don't even make art anymore. I write sometimes, but it's not close to my heart. I miss who I was, even with all her flaws. But I'm a perfectionist anyway, so no one cares. Hahaha. I have no life. I don't know what I'm going to do. I quit school, and I don't want to go back. I don't want to work, and I don't really want to move much anymore. I find I can only read Harry Potter, otherwise I need to curl up in a ball for an hour or two. Everything is challenging and hurtful and scary. Putting away my clothes is a big accoplishment for me these days.

I just have this feeling the only reason I'm here is that I'm supposed to die. To set an example for someone. "Don't be like them. Call a friend." A poster child. I don't want that. I'm really hating myself. But it's numb. Still ever so numb.


myspace.com/lonesome_fish for poetry. I like feedback sometimes. And I like smiley faces .
   
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