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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
soul Offline
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Three years down the drain in one moment of weakness and agony.... - February 21st 2009, 08:21 PM

Before three days ago I had been SH free for three years. Most people never knew I ever cut accept a hand full of friends who witnessed my lowest moments. I feel like a failure today. I realized I never really got better. For the last 5 years I haven't been okay. I have used every unhealthy way in the book to dull the pain. I find myself wondering how many things can be wrong with one person???????? How did I get to be this way? Why do I keep trying to self destruct? Is it my unhealthy vices that are dragging me down into hell or my self loathing, self doubt, and self pity that fuel them. I don't know how to change. This is all I know. I am giving up drugs starting today because I don't want to lose a special friend. Will I be able to give this up again too? I've been cutting everyday since my relapse... retracing the same hateful message.... I am starting to believe it... I don't think I can kick to habits at once. I don't know what to do. I feel lost, alone and terrified for the future. This isn't what I want for myself. I need help.



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Re: Three years down the drain in one moment of weakness and agony.... - February 21st 2009, 10:35 PM

hey. i did something a lot like that about a month ago. I had been so proud of myself... I had reached a record of 254 days... but then through stress with my friends, family, and school... I slipped. Then with every little thing I went back to cutting. I knew it would make me feel better... I had forgotten every single distraction I had ever used... and it made me feel so weak.
you've got to start somewhere. even if you slipped right now, pick yourself up again and dust yourself off.
maybe you can't kick both habits at once... .but when both are detrimental to you, do you want to get them behind you as quickly as you can, or drag on your recovery?

i hope i helped.
-Kaylyn


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Re: Three years down the drain in one moment of weakness and agony.... - February 21st 2009, 11:11 PM

I know what your going through. I self harm and ive been trying to stop. my total of cutting free days is no where as good as yours, but i was doing good, and then i dunno what happened, but i just reverted back to it. I know how frustrating it is and i know i was so angry with myself and guilty with myself because i had. Just keep trying though. You were doing great before! 3 years is an amazing accomplishment! (: I wish i had your will power and could manage that.

Please dont give up trying, pick yourself up and try again! (:

Personal message me if you wanna talk anytime. (:

Phie xxx
   
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Re: Three years down the drain in one moment of weakness and agony.... - February 21st 2009, 11:24 PM

Thank you everyone for the positive encouragement. I know I need to forgive myself, move on, and keep trying. I hope I am able to do that...



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Re: Three years down the drain in one moment of weakness and agony.... - February 22nd 2009, 01:10 AM

I don't know why it gets so bad at night... is it because I am finally alone with just myself and I hate myself so much I can't take it... or is it something else entirely... ahhh I feel like giving in again today... i hate myself



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Re: Three years down the drain in one moment of weakness and agony.... - February 22nd 2009, 03:41 AM

hey soul.

dont give in... remember we're always right here to support you chat if you need a friend

one thing you could do is to start doing positive things.. it can be anything from a party that feels great.. or a touching movie.. or just simple a book that touches your heart or something like that or whatnot . ( and no, i'm not a mushy guy lol ) but the most important thing is..whatever you do has to make you feel good without any guilt that definitely will help you in dealing with all this.

besides that, the most important you need in dealing with these are people who will listen to you during times when you're feeling down. Your friends are the best choice because they're people you can trust ( at least it sounds like that to me ) and there can never be any knowledge more comforting than the fact that there's someone to talk to and cheer you up when you're feeling down.

have faith.. we're always right beside you


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Re: Three years down the drain in one moment of weakness and agony.... - February 22nd 2009, 05:46 AM

So you know I've been there on the SH track before and then was on some other pretty negative tracks. The thing was I kept the mentality level to myself I could beat SH I can for sure beat my other problems.


You can't live a positive life with a negative mind and if you have a positive outcome you have a positive income and just to have more positivity and just to kind of laugh it off. ~ Miley Cyrus




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