She's Right

[♥ Choir. ♥]

I'm sorry Julia that I couldn't say it last night when I was on the phone with you. You are right. Stopping cutting for a year means nothing if I start up again, throwing my razors and knives away mean nothing if I just get another one. And, no. Nothing is going to make me stop until somebody finds out and forces me to stop. You're right, you're completely right.

I cut my fingers, my stomach, and my legs. Places that no one will notice. My thumb on my left had is covered with scabs, healing cuts, and scars. I hate it, but I don't know what else to do. My friends at school pulled my ring off this morning, but thank God none of them noticed the cuts. There is far too many of them for them to just be paper cuts.

Last night when I was on the phone with Julia, I cut my arm. It's so high up that no one will notice it unless I wear a tank top, and even if they do notice it, I don't get along with my cat. It's so small, so shallow. It doesn't make a huge difference. Just one more scar doesn't hurt, right?

I'm not okay. Julia has told me that I need to scream that into people's faces. Make them know that I'm not going to be okay if I don't get help. I need help. I know that I do. But it is so much easier to suffer in silence then to let them in, let them know that I am hurting. Still hurting. Always going to be hurting until someone will make me show them what I do to myself.

How come I know that I need to stop cutting, but I can't? Every time I throw a razor away, I only get another one. Each time it's sharper and cuts deeper. The cuts on my thumb itch from the lack of air which they need to heal. But I can't take off my ring. Everyone will see what's under it. I know that people need to see, I need people to see the cuts, but I'd much rather be the girl that I pretend to be. I like her. She's perfect.

[sassygurlone]

Hey
Stopping for a year doesn't mean nothing, it means that you can do it, it means that you have to strength to succeed, you have the strength to stop. And I want to congratulate on going that long, it's an amazing achievement. Your right that throwing away your blades then going out and getting more doesn't do anything, except waste money, however it does show that you at least want to stop, and thats a start. You need to tell someone, a parent, counlselor, teacher, some adult about it so you can get some help. Until then take a look at the alternatives thread, there are a lot of great things on there to try insead of cutting. Good luck and if you ever want to talk feel free to PM me.