I don't get it.

[ohhmy]

I don't get why i'm feeling like this again. All i want to do it cut. I went 3 weeks without doing anything, it may not seem long but hey it was something. I hate it, when i look at my wrist and my stomach all i see are scars which make me feel worse about it. But that still doesn't stop me. Nothing too bad has been happening right now, i just don't really give a fuck anymore. I don't care about school, i'm thinking about dropping out of the one i am to go to my neighborhood school so i just don't have to do any work. But i doubt my parents would allow that considering i had to apply and get accepted into here. I don't care about my appearance, or staying fit. I don't know. I am drifting away from all my friends, i only talk to 2 or 3 of them now. Other than that i am just silent and sit there. I think i've been scaring people since i have stopped pretending to be happy now. i've been labeled "emo" more often now which is always fun -_- anyways. its 12:22 am on a school night and i am deciding whether or not it is worth it to even attempt to start my homework which i wont finish for maybe 2 hours if i want. probably wont do it and my parents dont understand and just lecture me about life. but yeah i dont even know why i am posting this haha. but woo. have a nice night or day or afternoon or whatever.

[Total Light Storm]

Hey Sam,

Three weeks is a long time without cutting! That's great! I congradulate you. Cutting can be hard to stop and so if you slip up, that's normal, that's part of the process of quitting. What helped you during those three weeks when you didn't cut?
Maybe you could try some of the alternatives that are listed at ( www.teenhelp.org/alternatives )
The list is rather lengthy, and if an alternative doesn't work for you, that's okay, try something else and if after a while something doesn't work anymore as an alternative, try another alternative.
I know what helps me is writing down my feelings, listening to music, reading, doing homework because it distracts me from wanting to cut and gives me something to do that I have to do and staying near people also helps.
Do you have anyone to talk to about this? Your parents, a teacher, a school counselor or any adult you can trust? If you tell someone how you are feeling, maybe they can get you help. It won't be easy to tell someone, but cutting isn't something that's easy to quit alone, having a support system is very helpful in dealing with your feelings and it's always great knowing that people will support you.
Maybe if you don't feel comfortable to talk to tell someone, you can write your feelings in a letter and give it to them? Sometimes writing things down is a lot easier than trying to find the words to explain them.
I hope I have helped you out. If you ever need anything, I'll be glad to help, you can send me a PM nad I'll be glad to reply. Good luck.

[Nenya]

Okay, firstly, three weeks without self harming is a great achievement so you should be really proud about making it this far

You say when you see your arms you feel worse about it, well how about buying a wrist/sweat band so it hides them. That way you won't have to see them and you can even wear sweat bands in the shower.

Please, try to stay in touch with your friends, I've been in the situation where I've drifted away from them all and it's not fun and doesn't make things any easier. Maybe arrange to go to the cinema sometime with a group of them.

As for school, I understand where you're coming from. I'd say bring up the idea to your parents about transferring and see how they feel about it. If they're adamant you're not transferring then just try and put up with your current school and approach them about it at a later date.

Take care and I'm here if you ever need to talk