Triggering (SH): Digging fingernails.

[Simplyme7]

I don't know if this is triggering or not, but I wanted to mark it as it is, just in case....

I dig my fingernails into my arms when I start getting stressed or depressed. I guess that technically this is a form of SH. Just not a big deal of one. Sometimes I swear that I do it just because I want to be noticed. When I'm going through really hard times, I feel so alone that I just can't cope. And I don't know how to deal with the anger/stress/whatever else I'm feeling at the time, so I use that energy to dig my fingernails into my flesh. My usual place is on my wrist that I occasionally need a brace on, so if i need to cover marks its easy to do.

If my boyfriend finds out that I'm doing it, I get in trouble. I get this long lecture about why I shouldn't do it. But I don't really see it as that bad. I mean, it's not like its a blade. Its not like I'm cutting. I'm just digging my fingers into my skin to feel something. It very rarely leaves marks... if I do it the right way.

I mean, it's not that bad.... is it? It leaves raised marks on my skin, and occasionally breaks it, but unless you know what to look for, its unnoticeable...

But a lot of times, after doing it, I can clear my brain once again and calm down some. And sometimes this helps me to get through whatever is stressing me or what not...

Idk. I guess I don't really know the purpose of this thread. But i kinda had to get it off of my chest....

[x_sepi_x]

i know the feelin hun, but i cut aswell. when im in a situation where i can't cut i dig my fingernails deep into my skin because it kinda brings me back to reality... ideally you should talk to someone about it, a councellor maybe, try to beat it before it gets worse.. take care..x

[*weepingstar*]

this is actually sh. it could be the only form you ever try, but for alot of people (myself included) this is how it begins and it only gets worse. harder, deeper, other forms come into play and before you realise it your hooked you really need to try and stop this now if you can. maybe talk to a friend or your boyfriend. i know it seems like im going overboard, but this really is a big deal...please be careful...

[Fictional]

I understand what you mean when you argue that it can't be so bad - I used to do it myself, *weepingstar* is right, it'll most likely escalate into something worse - it did for me. Is there any way for you to carry a stress-ball type object with you. Then when you want to hurt yourself, you can dig your nails into that instead. I used to do it with the padded strap on my bag. it's not quite the same, but it's so much healthier emotionally than harming yourself. If you ever want to talk about it, you can drop me a p.m.

[Thirteen]

I've done this before, in meetings where I've been nervous.

[Sleepwalker]

Mkay, I have mixed feelings about this.

First, I used to engage in this type of SH myself. Started in the sixth grade, whenever I was in any type of social situation (I had and still have Social Anxiety). I would dig my nails into my skin whenever I felt nervous or embarrassed or just as a way to keep me grounded. I have no idea if anyone ever saw this... I imagine it was obvious, but I don't remember.

It's now roughly 8 years later, and I still do this whenever I'm nervous in public. I do it without realizing it... Like, NO IDEA whatsoever, until I happen to look down at my arms and see dark purple finger nail marks. (The most recent time happened in college, when I was waiting on the teacher to call on me for a question. It almost completely shocked me to see the marks I had made, when I didn't even do it consciously.)

I will admit that this IS a form of SH, but for me, I like to say my self-harm habits didn't start until last year, when I began cutting. Cutting just seems so much worse in comparison, you know? And when I think about stopping SH, I only think about stopping the cutting part. Since I'm so used to it now, digging my nails into my skin doesn't even come to mind when I think about SH. Not to mention it seems completely impossible to stop by now anyway. I mean, I don't even realize when I'm doing it... How on earth am I supposed to stop???

So, I do think you should stop while you can. It really only gets worse. Even if it's "not so bad" now, it can/will be later. And it is definitely not the healthiest way to deal with your emotions.

[Cather]

I completely understand where you're coming from. When I gave up cutting, I turned to fingernails to keep me sane. I'd argue that if it wasn't cutting, it wasn't self harm. Rest assured, it's in the name. Any sort of self inflicted pain can be considered self harm, especially if it is used to control emotions. I think using fingernails was more difficult to give up than cutting when I think back to it, because it seems so much more innocent. It certainly doesn't do the damage and isn't as harmful as cutting, but it is still a problem.

Self harm is an addiction. One of the hardest to deal with I'd say, because it is so easy to do. Just because fingernails are enough when it comes to dealing with your emotions now, that doesn't mean that they always will be. If you have an easy attitude towards minor self harm, it's that much easier to make excuses for more extreme measures such as cutting or burning. Self harm is a very slippery slope, it is so much easier to get in over your head before you've even realized that you are addicted. And as with any addiction, you can build up a tolerance to it, that's where the danger is; there will be a continuous want for more, especially if more pain means more control. It's different for everyone of course, but the dangers are there.

The most effective way to stop any sort of self harm is the find the source and fix that. You say you use your fingernails to help you cope with your emotions. Find another outlet. There are so many that you can choose from. This link highlights so many different alternatives to self harm. It might take you awhile to find one that really works for you, but that's okay. For me personally, writing out my emotions helps, just getting them out there. And if I really want to I can rip up the paper I wrote them down on, just tear it to shreds. Everyone is different so I can't say that it'll work for you, but it's worth a shot.

Quitting self harm is not an easy thing but it is definitely possible. Slowly cut back on how much you're doing now, do a little less every week. It's more effective this way than by just quitting cold turkey because it allows you to see that it is possible to get by with less and less self harm until you're to the point that it is no longer a problem. The hardest point with this, fingernails especially, is that your first instinct will continue to be to handle a situation through self harm. In these instances, stop for a second, take a deep breath, and remember that you don't have to use pain to deal with your problems anymore. It'll take work, that was probably the hardest part for me.

Stay strong and I know you can do it. :]

[Simplyme7]

Thank-you all for your advice. I still find it kind of hard to consider it self-harm, but my boyfriend certainly considers it as such as well. I guess what gets me though is that when he first ever found out that i did it, he would get after me for it, but anymore he just gets all quiet and tells me that I know how he feels about that. I always tell him after I do it... I don't know why.

As horrible as this may sound, I'm begining to think that not only do I do it to get the realse from the emotions, but sometimes I do it simply because I want him to realize that I'm going through a hard time and that I need help. It used to work... but now not so much. When I start freaking out about things, it's always worse when I'm alone, but it's even worse when I'm with him and he's doing other things.

It makes me feel like such a terrible person. When I'm calm and thinking right, I can see that a lot of the things that I do and say when I get into those moods, the lashing out at people, the digging my fingernails, pulling my hair, I almost think that I do it mainly to try to get his attention. When I'm upset I want nothing more than his total attention. Is that horrible of me? Its like, I want his total attention to stop me from doing the bad things. Because if he's paying attention to me, then I won't do them. But at the same time, if he doesn't pay attention to me, and I do them, then I hope and hope and hope while I'm doing it, that he will notice, and he will pay attention to me.

:/ Does that make me totally messed up?