Triggering (SH): Masking The Pain

[Metal♥Lover]

Hello everybody.

Recently I've been harming myself more than ever before and I can't stop thinking about cutting myself all the time. Now that I have better cutting tools (I'm not going to say what or how I got them) I find cutting to be even more enjoyable than before. I'm so addicted that if I dare go one day without cutting myself I will seriously become on the verge of breaking down. I will start to feel sick and I just want to curl up into a ball on the floor and scream my heart out. I suppose that cutting is my own little way of masking the emotional pain, hiding it from everybody. I can't tell people how I'm really feeling without getting judged or made fun of, so I find relief in harming myself.
There's really only one person I can talk to about my issues, but this person is not sure how to help me. He knows all about me cutting myself and being ready to die. But talking is just not helping me cope and I've already tried the alternatives list. Nobody else knows that I'm still cutting myself and I'm sure that if my parents found out I would be severely punished. That's why I'm so afraid to go to counseling. I'm afraid that my counselor will force the truth out of me and will then tell my parents, who will then force me to give them my blades, thus resulting in me having no form of relief. I'm so afraid of possibly having to do this alone. I know I won't be able to do it by myself and simple encouragement just will not keep me going.

Help me learn how to stop masking the pain?
Please?

[CrimsonTippedPetals]

Hey there April. There is no way to mask actual pain unless you get through thinking it first. Yes, it hurts to think about things through, and you'll feel like cutting yourself, but the fact is, cutting yourself seems like a habit now, right? It breaks my heart to know you do these kinds of things.

Your friend, I'm sure he's trying his best but sometimes if he can't help you, professional help is one of the only options to getting actual help with these types of things. But I can be here for you to talk, and I won't judge you no matter what, I promise. There are many things that can't surprise me anymore.

Sometimes you just have to take that leap in order to get over something, even if you don't know the outcome for sure.

PM me if you'd like to talk. =)

[MaroonLove]

Don't try to mask the pain. that'll only make things worse