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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Magical Forest. Offline
3 Years Cut Free!
I can't get enough
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Name: Hannah
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 3,369
Join Date: January 6th 2009

What is the point? - February 23rd 2009, 07:12 PM

I might as well just give up now. Everything I've worked for, everything I've done for everyone.. It doesnt even get thrown back in my face, people can't even be bothered to do that. Where has Hannah gone? Nobody cares do they. They don't even notice. Not that i've gone anywhere anyway. I'm still here, yet no one can see me. I'm invisible. I'm screaming, yet no one can hear me. I'm silent.

All I want is SOMEONE to reach out for and know that they'd grab my hand. SOMEONE who'll care, SOMEONE who will be there. I thought I had people but I obviously dont.

The only person that I know that will always be there.... My blade. My old friend. My very best friend. Screw 3 months of trying, whats the point of getting yourself better when there's no one to see that. No one at fucking all.

I'm sorry. Ugh I'm a mess.
[/i]





   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
Emotionally Unstable
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Re: What is the point? - February 23rd 2009, 07:45 PM

oh hannah
hugsss

three months are amazing.
and u shouldnt b hard on yourself.
i know how u feel about no-one being there for u
no-one but ur blade,
but can c and how u feel for yourself
and u deserve to be happy.

if u ever want to talk just pm me

x x


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Magical Forest. Offline
3 Years Cut Free!
I can't get enough
*********
 
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Name: Hannah
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 3,369
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: What is the point? - February 23rd 2009, 08:00 PM

I'm falling apart.... No one's there to notice. I want to scream so loud that I can't hear my thoughts, my temptations. I just want someone to appreciate me, for everything i've done...
Why don't I have any proper friends? I can't talk to anyone, I'm a stranger to nearly everyone. Just that stupid little book reader who has nothing else better to do. She doesnt know what fun is, doesnt know how to be 'cool', can't fit in with the conversations, just sits on the sidelines waiting for someone to invite her in, knowing that they won't.

There is a way to not feel so alone, but that would then mean giving up everything I've worked towards.... Everything I promised I wouldn't do... They're not here, they wouldnt notice, they wouldnt care....





   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
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Re: What is the point? - February 23rd 2009, 08:12 PM

Hannah i believe what ur talkin about more than u know.
and more than u ever will hun.
im not sayin u dont matter cos of that.
i just want u to know that u arent alone.

I supose i should ask if u have tried to make an effort with these people?
and i guess u have.
but like what ive been through, if these people keep doin it.
keep ignoring u then they arent worth ur time.

have u thought about joining a social club for older teens?
or a club at school?
anything like that?
it could be an idea maybe.
stay safe hun

x x


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Magical Forest. Offline
3 Years Cut Free!
I can't get enough
*********
 
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Name: Hannah
Age: 22
Gender: Female
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Posts: 3,369
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: What is the point? - February 23rd 2009, 08:24 PM

I've tried and i've tried.
I've asked people to go out, texted and phoned them... No reply.
Then I have to see all of their fucking photos on facebook showing how great a time they had as if they're trying to rub my nose in it.

GRRRRRRRRRRR



I dont go to school anymore.. thats half of the problem. I go to college in London away from all of my friends, I hardly know anyone there.
There arent any social clubs round here that I'm aware of anyway. Even if there were I'd be scared that people already have friendship groups and would just do to me what everyone else does.

I have my blade out.... Right there in my hand. My heart says yes, my brain says no. My heads betrayed me before.. Dont know who to listen to....





   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
withoutS0UND Offline
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Re: What is the point? - February 24th 2009, 02:43 AM

hannah, i understand.

i'm at school in miami. 1500 miles from my home in connecticut.
and i have approximately 2 friends here. and one of them never even hangs out with me; the other is my roommate.
everyone thinks miami is this huge city where you can go out and meet tons of people, but it's not.

the best thing i can tell you to do is find something you love doing; i take myself shopping sometimes. i don't necessarily buy anything, but i just take myself out and give myself time. even though you don't want to be alone, spending time with yourself and being alone are completely different.

i really hope that you don't give up on your three months; that is an accomplishment in itself and you should be extremely proud of it.

stay strong.


once upon a time i was falling in love. but now
i'm only falling apart... there's nothing i can do

[a total eclipse of the heart]
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Magical Forest. Offline
3 Years Cut Free!
I can't get enough
*********
 
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Name: Hannah
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: UK

Posts: 3,369
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: What is the point? - February 24th 2009, 08:34 PM

So, so desperate. Can't cope.. Can't focus..





   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
blackrose
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Re: What is the point? - February 25th 2009, 10:21 AM

awh hannah ... :hugs!!! Well if this means anything.. Im here for you.. il take your hand and help you. Stuff seems tough for you at the moment.. but things will get better.. im sure you've heard that a million times before.. but its true.. things DO improve. I know how you feel hunni... Its sounds untrue but belive me.. i know excatly what your going through. those people who arent texting you back etc.. are NOT worth your time!!! They are NOT good enough for you!! You deserve a friend who treats you the way you should and DESERVE to be treated. You are a strong strong girl and you've proved that by not SH in 3 months! 3 months! Thats amazing!! keep it going!! i know you can do it=]
PM me anytime or find me in chat...=]
xx
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