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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
pixiesticks Offline
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Name: Aleisha! [Gabe]
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I want to get help. - December 12th 2010, 01:58 AM

I don't know why I post on here...it's not like I get replies. I'm overlooked, just like in every other aspect of my life...anyways..

Sometimes, I feel like a drug addict. Like I sometimes want to shoot up instead of cutting. And sometimes I wish it was drugs rather than cutting. But I know I shouldn't go there.

I guess I don't know why I'm typing this. I feel like there's no help for me. I want to get help, but I don't know how. My last, and only, therapist was of no help. We talked about my cutting for one session then it was never brought up again. Mostly because I never said anything and wanted to get out of there. Still, it was her fault for never bringing it up. I never want to do that again. I feel like the pain will never go away with just seeing someone once a week. Or even everyday. I'm still at home. I'm still alone. I still have the privacy to cut. I don't want there to be any chance that I could screw up so bad.

But, I sort of want to go into residential treatment. More now then ever. I don't want to be stuck with this addiction for the rest of my life. I know I can't stop on my own, seeing as I've probably tried close to 50ish times with no results. If I go someplace, they can watch me, make sure I don't do anything stupid. I need help. I need to have some sense in my life. I need to be free of cutting. I need serious help. But I have no idea how to get it. I have no idea what to say to my parents. I don't want them to feel like I've let them down or disappointed them. We haven't talked about this since I've been in therapy, for about four years. I don't want to hurt them.

I just wish all of my problems would go away.

I'm sorry this is so long. I'm sorry I'm ranting. I don't know what else to do. I know my cutting isn't as bad as some people's, but I feel like I'm almost hit rock bottom and have no where else to turn to. I know I need help. But I don't know how to get it. And I don't want to hurt anymore.

Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise.
-Les Miserables
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
x_sepi_x Offline
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Re: I want to get help. - December 12th 2010, 02:37 PM

hey gabe, first off you getting help isn't going to hurt anyone. it's time you helped yourself instead of thinking about everyone else. you know you want to get help and that is such a good thing. have you ever tried going to doctors and talking to him/her about it? they would be able to help and point you in the right direction. whatever happens i can see that you have will power in you. use that to help yourself on your own. when you get the urge to cut, distract yourself like there's no tomorrow lol but hopefully it'll help. you may even end up forgetting that you had the urge to start with. when you need to cut, why don't you try cutting a pillow instead? try slitting a pillow through the middle and that may aleviate some of your feelings. im not saying it'll work but im not sayin it won't but it is worth a try. look after yourself and get the help that you're looking for. pm me if you need to talk, take care..x
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Tsundre Offline
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Re: I want to get help. - December 12th 2010, 06:20 PM

If your previous therapist was of no use, why not look for other ones? There is bound to be the right one for you out there. You mentioned that you didn't say anything to them, so that could have been the problem. I think that you know that if you don't say anything about your situation, they can't help you. You have to ask yourself why you didn't say anything about it, and try to overcome the reason as to why you didn't mention it in the first place. If you know what I mean.

There is help for you. Of course there is. If you want to go into residential treatment (which I believe is also inpatient treatment), I think you will have to ask your doctor. I also think you will have to go in for a few days for evaluation, and then the doctors will decide whether or not it is the best option for you to be in residential treatment. I am not entirely sure about how America's system works, so I think the best advice I can give you is to consult your doctor.

Talking to your parents is a good idea. It may be daunting, but you know, parents are meant to be there for you. I think that your health is more important to them, than if you disappointed or let them down. You are their child, and they love you. So please find the courage to talk to them. If they don't seem to care, then talk to a trusted friend or person you know.

If all else fails, you could join a support group. Perhaps nearby where you live, or on the Internet. I know that there are some people who used to self harm help others.

I am glad you have identified that you have a problem. That's the first step to recovery.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
amandablak Offline
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Re: I want to get help. - December 24th 2010, 05:58 AM

Hey pixiesticks. I'm just new to this forum. If you are a teen and want to go into treatment. I suggest you look into a youth residential treatment. They can help you undergo this kind of problem.

Last edited by amandablak; December 24th 2010 at 10:39 AM.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Aestai Offline
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Re: I want to get help. - December 24th 2010, 11:17 PM

im sorry if you feel over looked as for talkin to the theripist, instead try to fin somebody to trust to talk to, in general. I know how it feel to feel like ur adicted, and if you ever need to talk, PM me

"But all bubbles have a way of bursting or being deflated in the end." -Barry Gibb

http://aestia.deviantart.com/ <--- Please check out my art!
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
My_Hero Offline
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Re: I want to get help. - December 25th 2010, 12:42 AM

I can understand therapy not helping. Sometimes merely just talking isn't enough.
The fact that you want help is such a huge step; and you should be really proud of yourself for realizing you can't stop on your own.
Going into a residential program or something similar does sound like your best bet; and the next step that that (though hard and scary) is telling your parents. Maybe you could try writing them a letter that tells them why you need the help and just how important it is to you. And don't you EVER think you're letting them down; by admitting you need help you're doing the very opposite.
Check out Mercy Ministries; it's a recovery place that really knows it's stuff. The best part is that if you qualify, it's totally free. http://www.mercyministries.org/splash.htm There's the link.
I wish you the absolute best of luck. Remember you're absolutely NEVER alone, and feel free to send me a PM if you ever need to talk =)

We all need somebody to lean on <3
~I will survive, I will endure.
When the going's rough, you can be sure;
I'll tough it out, I won't give in. When I'm knocked down I'll get up again.
As long as my dream's alive, I Will Survive~
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