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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TrustingThePain Offline
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Name: Brianne
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Thumbs down aching - February 24th 2009, 01:49 AM

I don't know if anyone else feels this but...
When I want to cut my arm aches, actually aches, and my brain freaks out like its going in over time. I want to see the blood, smell it, feel it run down my arm.I haven't cut in almost a year, but i really really really really really want to. But my kids, if I didn't have them and if I wasn't on watch with the future soldier bs, I would be laying my arm open on a daily basis. It's crazy, my whole pregnancy I didn't want to cut, even when Anthony had disappered. I wanted to drink, but I never wanted to cut, When I was pregnant with the twins I wanted to cut all the time. and now it starts up again when our lifes are finally back on track, and Lucas has finally stepped up and took responsibility for knockin' up my sister. Now, when the only thing that is wrong is Anthony is in BCT, and I miss him. Stupid! Compared to all of the problems we did have him beiong gone is so trivial. ahggg. Sorry thanks for reading my rant.


Let the attempting conception begin!
(In June 2010)

Military Spouse, Toughest Job In the Military!
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
L'espoir Offline
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Name: Jen
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Re: aching - February 24th 2009, 06:12 PM

Hey Brianne,

I havent felt the exact way you have and experienced aches, but the rest of it im familiar with (unfortunately). I know how hard it is to try and resist that when it feels so strong, and you feel like you "have to" to calm down, stop the aches etc. There are other ways though, i promise!

The way your brain feels like its going into overdrive, do you have a place you can go where you feel calmer and relaxed and safe? If you dont maybe you could find a place like this? I like to sit in my wardrobe ('tho thats a bit strange!) and it slows my mind down a bit.

If you feel that you want to see the blood, try getting a red watercolour pencil and putting water on it then drawing on your arm. It looks like blood coming out because its red and liquid? It might get you past that initial urge to do it and see blood.

Your problems arent trivial! If they are worrying you and making you upset, wanting to self harm etc then they are important. Does anyone know how your feeling or about your self harm? Maybe you could talk to them about it.

Take care
Jen
x


PM // VM
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
blackrose
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Name: Mags
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Re: aching - February 25th 2009, 10:25 AM

hey Brianne. The urge to cut is a tough thing to ignore so congrats to you for pushing through. The urge to cut doesnt nessecary mean you have to be upset or depressed, it could just be a random urge.. its an addiction. like smoking.. You want a fag when your stressed.. but you also want one when your not..
but a year is an amazing feat!! go you hun
PM me anytime =]
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