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withoutS0UND Offline
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Name: Lena
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: Miami, FL

Posts: 3
Join Date: February 24th 2009

Unhappy an eclipse of the mind and heart. - February 24th 2009, 02:36 AM

i'm new here, so i figured i'd give a little bit of a background so you know a little about me before i ask for advice or anything.

I started cutting about 5 years ago, my freshman year in high school. It started as a thing to do because my best friend did it. It quickly became an addiction; however, by that I mean that it was something I would turn to when I felt upset or unable to talk to others about how I was feeling. I have always tried to stay away from it; I turned to the rubber-band snapping at one point, but it didn't help. I also keep a journal, but it only releases so much. For me, it's not the rush of seeing blood; when I turn to cutting, it's because I physically feel that my emotions are bottled up inside and need to be let out. As of today, I haven't cut since September.

However, recent events have had me constantly thinking and wanting to do it again. My boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me right before I moved away to college (I'm from Connecticut and currently in school in Miami). Since then, we've had a rocky "relationship." He was recently hospitalized for what some doctors think to be schizophrenic episodes. We haven't really talked that much in recent months, and this news hit me extremely hard the other day. I still love him a lot, and I wish I could be there for him, but that's sort of impossible. I just get extremely upset whenever I think about it (which is 98% of the day), and I feel like none of my friends, bests or otherwise, really understand me and what they say when they try to help me don't help at all.

Sorry this was so long, but I guess I'm just asking for some help and advice as to now not to go back to cutting, even though it's an extremely enticing idea as of the past few days.

once upon a time i was falling in love. but now
i'm only falling apart... there's nothing i can do

[a total eclipse of the heart]
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L'espoir Offline
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Re: an eclipse of the mind and heart. - February 24th 2009, 04:47 PM

Hi Lena,

That is great that you havent self harmed since September, its a real achievement! If your finding yourself wanting to harm again try thinking about how far you have come, the reasons why you stopped and dont want to start again. Try to keep doing things like the rubber-band and ice cubes and the journal, even if they dont help as much they are healthier ways of expressing yourself and you will probably feel very proud of yourself if you dont self harm!


PM // VM
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asyoulikeit Offline
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Re: an eclipse of the mind and heart. - February 24th 2009, 04:59 PM

Hey Lena

As Jen said, you should be so proud of yourself for going this long without cutting. Think about how much effort it takes to subdue your addiction- you're really amazing already. That being said, I know the *distractions* don't seem to release as much as your old habits but there is also the fact that if you go back and undo all your progress, you WILL end up feeling worse about yourself.

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now, and I was wondering how involved are you at your college? Even if it's extremely hard to forget about your ex (?) having activities to do will help get your mind on your life rather than what you can't change. You may not feel like it, but once you're more active it gives you less time to dwell on unhappiness. Therefore less need for rubber bands/ice cubes/etc.

I hope this helps...even though I don't know you I can confidently say you're a really strong person for making it through this much. You can keep going, don't give up! <3


When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
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