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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Sleepwalker Offline
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I SH'd during therapy session... - December 17th 2010, 12:29 AM

I'm kind of freaking out right now. It was my first time in therapy today and somehow I managed to hurt myself while we were talking.... I dug my nails into my skin hard enough to draw blood... First time that's ever happened. And I was also pinching myself really hard on the leg. I don't think she noticed either.

Ugh. I feel sick. And terrible. How am I ever gonna get help for this if I continue to do it even while in her office, trying to get help??

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Any advice or thoughts?

Just feeling really, incredibly bad right now.

How far do I have to go to make you understand?
I wanna make this work so much it hurts...
But I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are.
So I'm gonna walk away, and it's up to you to say how far...
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
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Re: I SH'd during therapy session... - December 17th 2010, 12:54 AM

Hey there, I think that is great that you are going to counseling.
Such a huge, admirable step towards recovery!
As for SH during your counseling, I understand that you were having anxiety and fear,
but that was only the first visit. It won't all be worked out over night.
Just hang in there, and stay optimistic. Feel free to PM me if need be

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I SH'd during therapy session... - December 17th 2010, 01:48 AM

Love...I know exactly what you mean. I still find myself digging my nails in my arms when I'm upset or guilty about something. I quit cutting earlier this year but that instinct is still there and i have to fold my hands or something to actively stop that. Tell your therapist that you have this habit, and they can help you monitor it during session-- maybe they'll have a suggestion for handling that outside of therapy as well.
As was pointed out above, this WILL get easier with time. I hate the first appointment, almost everyone does. As you get more comfortable it will start to help. You're incredibly brave for seeking the help you need and I am proud of you. Keep going to therapy.

When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
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Re: I SH'd during therapy session... - December 17th 2010, 01:49 AM

Going to therapy for the first time is a huge thing for someone to go through. I would imagine you were scared and upset so it's completely understandable you went to the thing that made you calm. You will be able to get better...just stick with the therapy and with time you'll feel more comfortable going through the process.

Good luck sweetie.
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Re: I SH'd during therapy session... - December 17th 2010, 02:50 AM

Hey there.
First of all, I'm really proud of you for going to therapy. That is a huge step and I hope you are proud of yourself.
I have never hurt myself during therapy, but I have hurt myself while in the presence of other people.
Maybe it would be helpful if you took something that you could squeeze in your hands for you next session? That way you could dig your nails into that instead of your skin. Something like a stress ball or even a stuffed animal. I doubt your counselor would think it was odd. I know that therapy can be really intimidating and scary, but keep with it because it can be a HUGE help to you. Maybe you could even talk to your counselor about how it affected you this past session.
In future sessions, if it gets bad like that again, don't be afraid to speak up and tell your counselor that you are having an urge right then. That could be a great opportunity for the two of you to work through it and you could get a lot out of it in the process to help yourself in further situations.
Hang in there. Things are going to get better!
Here if you need anything

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PM me anytime <3
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Re: I SH'd during therapy session... - December 17th 2010, 05:17 AM

hey ive cut in rehab many many times, hit my head against the wall, bit my hand, dug my nails in my skin, and did anything i could in sessions. when u try and stop nothing really stops you but what goes on in ur head, no taking away a blade or being watched will stop you, you have to heal through mental stuff.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I SH'd during therapy session... - December 18th 2010, 06:10 AM

I think it's great that you are getting help, that's an awesome first step. The first therapy session is always hard but it gets easier as you get to know eachother. I won't tell you that it will be a walk in the park because it's not, it will take time but I beliece that you can overcome this. I know my therapist pretty well so I tell her when I am having the urge to self-harm and she helps me through it, but that will probably be difficult for you right now. I agree with Emily, I think you should take something with you that you can squeeze like a stress ball. I hope this helped a little, if you ever need anything or just want to talk feel free to PM me anytime.

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

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Blessed Be!
Nicole AKA Nikki
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Re: I SH'd during therapy session... - December 18th 2010, 03:08 PM

It's your first session, which is obviously going to be a bit stressful. I remember spending my whole first counselling session on the verge of tears. And it's not surprising that you may have found it triggering. Did you tell your therapist that you SH?? Please don't worry love, therapy gets a lot easier once you've settled in after a couple of weeks, and it can help so much. Like the others said, I think it's really great that you're taking the step to getting help. (: xx

Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Níl a shíltear mar a bhítear.
Things are not always what they seem.
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