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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
confuzzled*gurl Offline
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Question It's all new, and I'm scared - December 17th 2010, 04:11 AM

Hi,, I'm new here, and I'm not exactly sure what to say or ask but, I need advice/help.

I recently started cutting (only 2 days ago).

I wasn't very nice to a friend, for a couple weeks. This isn't even like me because I'm never mean. Everyone says I'm like the nicest person they know, so I don't know why I even did it.

So about two weeks ago I apologized, and he said it was fine. I kept saying sorry over and over again because I felt so bad, and he just told me to forget about it. But I couldn't.

I put him through so much pain, and I thought I needed some of that too. So I started cutting myself to feel pain, so I wouldn't feel as bad.

Now I keep thinking to myself he hates me, but he doesn't. I feel bad, and I cut myself. I also kinda think negative things about me for no reason, and it makes me wanna cut myself again. I know it's wrong, and I know I should get help, because I can't stop. I think I need to see a counselor, but she'll probably tell my parents, and that's the last thing I want, for them to find out.

So please help me! I feel confused and a bit lost!
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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 17th 2010, 04:27 AM

If you talk to someone at your school and tell them it's important not to say anything to your parents, they won't. That's why they're there...to talk to you when you can't talk to anyone else.

I do want to say you should stop the cutting now before it gets out of control. There are better ways to deal with the problems going on in your life.

And if your friend says he's all right, you should believe him. If he was truly hurt by what you did, he would tell you. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
   
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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 17th 2010, 04:34 AM

Please don't keep cutting, it will spiral out of control. I have known friends who cut or have cut before. It starts like that and once it begins, it is really hard to stop. If you try to early, it probably won't be as hard. Just remember that we all make mistakes sometimes. You messed up once, it doesn't make you a bad person or make you worthy of pain in any way. Your friend forgave you and things are okay now. If you still feel the urge to cut, I think it would be a good idea to see the counceler at your school. They are there to help you. They don't always do the best job but what have you got to lose?


   
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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 17th 2010, 05:26 AM

ok first thing DONT CUT AGAIN
trust me its an addiction u dont want taking over ur life. i hate it when my friends would cut for the first time and i made them feel so guilty for doing it and they wouldnt do it again cuz ive done it for 3 years and i dont want anyone to end up like me. stab something a toy paper break something, do something violent to an object to getn ur anger out, talk to someone, or find emergency help if you need, just dont do it cuz it ruins lives.
   
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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 18th 2010, 05:59 AM

First thing I have to say is GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN! I have been self-harming for eight years, it starts out as a release or a way to punish yourself then it turns into an out of control addiction and you can't stop. Try some of the things on the alternatives thread, and I agree with the others, talk to someone. Try a counselor at your school or a trusted adult. If you ever need to talk feel free to message me.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 20th 2010, 01:37 AM

I agree with everyone else, stop now while it isn't to much of an addiction. Once it becomes a normal part of your life it is very very hard to be able to stop it. Talk to your friend and makes sure that he is alright. You can send me a private message if you want, I'd be happy to help.
   
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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 20th 2010, 02:23 AM

Just talk to the Councillor, but ask her to keep it between the two of you and you don't want your parents or anyone else to know.
We all lash out and are mean to our friends sometimes when we're going through depression or anything like that, and I'm sure your friend forgives you and understands. Try not to beat yourself up over it or feel too bad. Just leave it be and move on.
As for your self harm, it's not making you feel any better or improving your situation in any way. Take it from someone who used to cut, I stopped because it isn't solving anything, it's only hurting me and I don't deserve to hurt because most of the things going on wasn't even my fault. If I'm hurting as it is, why punish yourself and hurt yourself even more? There is no point to that.
   
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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 20th 2010, 05:24 AM

hey please dont cut again, it only gets worse and scarier, please talk to somebody before it gets out of hand


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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 20th 2010, 02:55 PM

Hi

It seems to me that a past action (being mean) is the reason why you're cutting and you need to justify to yourself the need for cutting (e.g. believing that he hates you and thinking negatively).

Try writing him a letter/list of the best/positive things about him, fun times together, why you're his friend etc but don't apologise again. That way you should be smiling from remembering things and will please him, so you won't need to cause yourself pain as he's not in pain. You can ignore the past and start again from that moment.

A counsellor will keep what is said confidential unless there is risk of serious harm.
Hope this helps a bit.
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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 20th 2010, 02:55 PM

You should defininitely talk to your counselor. If you explain to them how you feel about your parents finding out and that this self-harm is a very recent thing they'll probably be willing to keep it between you two. Especially if you promise to quit and work on your problems in another healthy way.

Please, go to the alternatives sticky and try out EVERYTHING on the list until you find one that works. Cutting is nothing you want to mess around with. I was personally stuck in the addiction for 6 years and it only gets worse. It seems like a good idea at first, but it's one of the worst ways to cope. If you think it'd be bad telling your parents now, think about how much worse it'll be if you don't stop and have them find out later. Trust me, it gets really, really bad.

So try out the alternatives and talk to a counselor. Also, you may have not been nice to a friend, but you don't deserve to get hurt too. You apologized and it sounds like he accepted it. Try to make it up to him in other ways that aren't harmful. Make him a card, go to the movies, give him cookies, something like that. Friends make mistakes, it's normal, but I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be punishing yourself like this. So take care of yourself, and get help sooner than later.


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"But the unfortunate truth is that, while being different from everyone else can be exciting at first, ultimately it can get a little lonely."

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Re: It's all new, and I'm scared - December 21st 2010, 11:57 PM

This is a horrible addiction. Don't continue it. Its hell. Talk to him. HAve a serious conversation with him about it, and realize we all make mistakes.
   
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