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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Sam
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Exclamation Long Story... - December 20th 2010, 06:34 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've been on and off of this site for a while. Mainly off, though.

Here's the quick and dirty version of my story:

i started cutting nearly 3 years ago, the summer after eighth grade, because I caused my dad to lose his job. He then had to move across the country with my brother, mother, and me left where we used to live, so my brother and I could finish our season in Marching band/colorguard. Most of the cleaning, cooking, and packing was left to me, because my mom had gotten a job and was gone alot because she had to take the bus because she's legally blind. And we finally moved out with my dad, and I was hoping everything would be better. But then, nothing was right. My brother abused my family more than normal, because he hated moving in the middle of high school, and I blame myself for the abuse he gives my parents every day. I've tried to stop cutting so many times, but every time I do, something else goes wrong. Last fall, it was me getting injured due to my own stupidity and letting down my colorguard because I was out for the season. Then, last Spring, I was in and out of the hospital for kidney problems, and also let down the same team for the winter season. And a little over a year ago, my friend Nikki decided to tell my mother about my cutting/suicidal thoughts, and my mom flipped out. And of course it had to be the day my dad was at his sickest with an infection that could've very easily been deadly.
Things were FINALLY getting better, like I can deal better with my brother, but I'm so beyond overwhealmed because I try to stay out of my house as much as possible (I'm in Spanish Club every other Monday, Red Cross Club every Tuesday, Journalism Club every Wednesday, Teens Against Tobacco Use every other Thursday, and have colorguard practices for 4 hours tuesday and thursday nights and 3 hours on Saturday mornings) and I'm taking a bunch of AP and honors classes, and I am having so much trouble dealing, and I need to cut, but I know if I do, I will get caught, because my friends will see during practice because when we dance, my shorts show my scars as it is.
Please give me excuses I can tell them... I don't want to disappoint them again...
Thanks


There will come a time, you'll see
With no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Long Story... - December 20th 2010, 07:05 AM

Hey there, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with that. I know it isn't fun. But you shouldn't place the blame all on yourself. I know it is easy to do, but this isn't your fault. And even if you feel as though it is, keep in mind that this is something in the past. You can't change the past, only the future. That is something you should always remember. Cutting is going to be an urge that you will have, and it isn't going to be fun. Use the fact of not wanting to disappoint your family/friends as a motivation to not cut. Things do get better, they always do. As long as you keep with an optimistic attitude. I do want to commend you for being free of SH, even if it's only been a few days since then. Also use that as a motivation to not want to SH. Set a goal for yourself. Say to your self something like "I promise myself that I won't self harm for a week" And if you meet your goal, then reward yourself.

I am going to give you a link to a list of alternatives to self harm. I encourage you to look it over, and give some of these things a try.
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

You can always feel free to PM me. I love to help.
<3


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Long Story... - December 20th 2010, 07:09 AM

Thanks, Lyndsee. It's super hard. I was five days away from being SH free for 6 months, and it's been so easy to give in since then.
I really appreciate your help. It means alot.


There will come a time, you'll see
With no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
SparklingWine's Avatar
 
Name: Lynds :)
Age: 27
Gender: Grill ;)
Location: Seattle

Posts: 7,230
Blog Entries: 197
Join Date: February 19th 2009

Re: Long Story... - December 20th 2010, 07:13 AM

Ah, congrats on making it almost six months! That is HUGE, and takes a lot of strength.
Keep in mind that if you made it almost six months before, you can definitely make it 6 months and longer!
You have the strength. I know you do.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Sam
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: Pacific Northwest

Posts: 72
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: Long Story... - December 20th 2010, 07:17 AM

Thanks, Lyndsee. I hope you're right...


There will come a time, you'll see
With no more tears
And love will not break your heart
But dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see
What you find there
With grace in your heart
And flowers in your hair
   
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