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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Blair Offline
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Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 21st 2010, 03:40 AM

My friend Allie and I haven't been friends for terribly long but we know eachother pretty well. She gives really good advice and I don't trust most people, probably 3 and she's one of them. She knows I cut and wants to help me get better...only thing is, she cuts too. Can she still help me? Can I help her?


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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 21st 2010, 04:24 AM

Yeah I think you guys can both help eachother through it. Just always be there for the other and stay supportive but I am sure I don't need to tell you that=)


   
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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 21st 2010, 04:21 PM

Yes. Ultimately, but you must both be honest with each other and if you find something triggering - let the other person know.

My best friend used to self harm, I've helped him to stop now. In fact he told me once, he stopped because of me - because he thought it was ruining my life (by keeping me self harming).

Although I still SH, he's still there for me 100% - and friends are really great tools when trying to stop SHing


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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 21st 2010, 04:52 PM

Hey Blair,

My personal answer would be yes, she can most definitely still help you. Friends are there for each other, and I think that if you two are both there supporting each other, you could help one another together. If you're encouraging her, and she's encouraging you, I think that it would actually be better because you guys would then know you have background support when you're in a tempting state. So I would say yes, you can still ask her for help although she struggles with the same thing.

Good luck,
and I'm always here if you ever need to talk.
Take care of yourself Blair.

-Kaylaaa.


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and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
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I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
   
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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 21st 2010, 06:05 PM

i have a friend like that too, and i say yes she can. its easier to for me to talk about it with somebody who also does it cuz they know wats going on


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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 21st 2010, 06:38 PM

yes. You can both be encouraging and supportive of each other. You both know what it is like to have urges, and what it takes sometimes to get over them. You know what some common triggers are and can avoid them. This Partnership therapy is used in a many other addictive behavior recovery.

However, don't try over extending yourself. don't do silly things like "If you cut, I'll cut." That can get dangerous. Just be supportive and friendly and keep tabs on each other. Be there for each other and help each other out


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is having to fear nothing"


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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 21st 2010, 07:25 PM

as those above me have said- i'd think so. if you guys are willing to support each other and want to get through, i think it'd work out great. i'm so glad you're looking to recover... that's wonderful . i'd just be sorta careful about discussing episodes of SI in case it becomes triggering, or even a "competition" of some sort.

i hope you and your friend are doing alright!

*best wishes*


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Never accept the blame"
   
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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 21st 2010, 07:59 PM

Thanks so much for all the advice y'all =) I really appreciate it. One thing I'm worried about though is often when we tell eachother not to cut we fight about it because it's "hypocritical" to say don't cut when you're a cutter. We both know it's all out of eachother's best interest but ya know..


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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 21st 2010, 11:28 PM

Blair--I've been in this situation before. One of my friends used to help me out with my urges a lot. She was also a self injurer. She decided to give it up, whereas I was still struggling. I wasn't 100% committed to quitting and she was. In order for her to get better, she had to stop talking to me because I was dragging her down. It was hard because I was so dependent on her for everything.

Just be careful when entering into a situation like that. You don't want to drag her down or vice versa and you want to be sure that you have other people to support you during the times when she just can't.

I feel like I'm raining on the parade here because everyone is talking about how beneficial it can be to have a friend to help you out who is dealing with the same thing (it can be) but I just wanted to point out some of the negatives as well.


--A
   
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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 22nd 2010, 03:10 AM

No apologies. I'm big on honesty. I totally see what you're saying and at this point neither of us are commited to quitting at all. But we're both commited to getting eachother to quit


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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 22nd 2010, 04:17 AM

Of course she can you stop cutting and you can her stop too. It's a really good idea to have "quitting buddy" who knows what your going through to and can support you. I think its a really good idea.


~Alex

Last day I cut: 7-13-2010

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Re: Can she help me if she cuts too? - December 22nd 2010, 07:49 PM

Ah, now that's a familiar situation. The first person to ever find out about my cutting, had been my best friend, who had been a cutter in the past; and eventually resorted back to it. We both absolutely hated it when the other cut (knowing the person you trust most in the world is in pain, is never any fun). It was a constant battle back and forth; I'd cut, he'd get sad and lecture me. He'd cut, I'd get sad and lecture him. It's a long story, involving another friend of ours becoming a cutter, and a retarded threat we'd use; if one of us cut, the others would too. Which ultimately accomplished nothing. Eventually we made a pact: It's been almost 2 months now since any of us have cut. I think the only thing that got us to keep that, was that we didn't want the other to be cutting.
But it's really nice to have a friend to talk to about it; much better than holding it in. Having a friend that cuts too can be helpful, because they understand where your coming from, they won't judge you for your self destructive ways.
Here's something to think about though; the way you feel when your friend cuts? That desperate want for them to stop, and that hurting inside because you know what they're doing to their self. Your friend feels the same way about you hon. Even if you can't bring yourself to quit because you deserve much better than a blade; then consider quitting for the sake of your friend.


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