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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Sleepwalker Offline
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How does SH hurt others? - December 22nd 2010, 03:36 PM

People are always saying "think of all the people you're hurting when you self-harm"... But, um, I'm not hurting others. I'm hurting myself. And I'm failing to see how what I'm doing is hurting others, especially when they don't even know about it. Can someone explain this to me?

How far do I have to go to make you understand?
I wanna make this work so much it hurts...
But I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are.
So I'm gonna walk away, and it's up to you to say how far...
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 22nd 2010, 03:43 PM

If you happen to notice that somebody has a big cut on their arm or whatever, you actually start to feel a lot of pain from them, and worry about them. It's true that if they don't know about it, it probably doesn't effect them. But there are people out there who can just sense when something is wrong, so they may know that you've hurt yourself even if you don't directly tell them. In any case, SH is not a good habit. Hurting your body is not a good way to deal with a problem.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 22nd 2010, 03:47 PM

Because you're making people worry about you. Worry that you might accidentally/intentionally kill yourself.

It's a horrible, horrible feeling to find out that someone close to you cuts.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 22nd 2010, 04:19 PM

I don't know about you but I feel horrible when someone I love is hurt- no matter how they got hurt. To know they brought that hurt onto themselves is even worse. And don't even get me started on the worry it causes... it's terrifying. If someone fell and cut themselves, it's worrying- so why would self harm be any different?

So yeah, it does hurt others and it's silly to think your actions have no effect on others. It doesn't matter if they don't know about... they could easily find out in the future... especially if something goes wrong- you have no way of making sure nothing will go wrong.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 22nd 2010, 04:48 PM

Well, if nobody knows about your self harm, sure, it probably won't hurt them, but if they find out, or if they know without you knowing they know, I can guarantee it will/is causing them great pain. The people in your life care about you and love you, the last thing they want is for you to be hurt, especially when you're hurt is self inflicted.

I'm a self harmer and it's so easy for me to see how my actions can hurt the people around me. It's kinda obvious.

Good luck getting through your tough times, I'm here if you need me

PM me anytime, I love helping people and will do my best to help you <3

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 22nd 2010, 06:40 PM

from what i understand when they say your 'hurting others' they mean that they care for you alot and it makes them sad that they couldn't prevent you from SH and they hurt inside, i know its kinda complicated but thats what they usually mean

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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 22nd 2010, 06:45 PM

You may not be physically hurting others, like you do yourself. but you are emotionally hurting them.
Meaning, people who love and care about you, don't want to see you suffering, hurt, sad, mad, etc.
They don't want to see you result to SH as a way to cope. And think the fact that you hurt yourself purposely,
emotionally hurts others. There also might be that sub-conscious thought that they feel worthless because
maybe they think that because you SH, they couldn't/didn't do anything to make you feel better. Sorry if that makes

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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 23rd 2010, 01:42 AM

I thought that was total bs too until I lived it. When you know somebody you love is intentionally hurting their self; it just kills you inside. It's like an emotional train wreck; no body wants those they care about to be hurting; and when they're self inflicting that pain, its worse because if feels like you're a bad friend/family member, and that you're letting them down. And not being able to help them is pretty sucky too.
How does it hurt them when they don't even know? Self harm can be such a secluded life. You may not even realize it, but with every wound you make, you're isolating yourself more and more. Every cut or burn you have to hide, you're becoming more distant and secretive. Even if people don't necessarily know about SH, they know that something is up and wrong, and they're going to worry about you.
Finding help and stopping SH is always worth it for the people you love; and somewhere down the road you'll see it's worth it for you too =) Stay strong <3

We all need somebody to lean on <3
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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 23rd 2010, 03:59 AM

Trust me your hurting other people by cutting, because you cutting causes them to worry and feel really bad about you.


Last day I cut: 7-13-2010

I believe in everyone that I help that they will get over whatever they are struggling with.

I regret nothing in my past. My past made me who I am today.

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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 23rd 2010, 04:24 AM

Not to be the unsupportive one of the thread, but, not like anyone loves some of us anyway. AKA: Me.

I hope you're having a spectacular day!

You can PM/VM me about anything.
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 23rd 2010, 05:25 AM

Originally Posted by Incognito Teenager View Post
Not to be the unsupportive one of the thread, but, not like anyone loves some of us anyway. AKA: Me.
I'm proud to say that this is always a lie. People may pressure, lie to, or hurt us, but there will always be people (maybe those people, maybe not) who do care. This seems incredibly cliche, but it's true- and don't think you're the first and only person to disagree with me.

As for the original question, it causes worry. Imagine the worry you feel when someone is sick with something that's not quite lethal but not menial either. You worry that something can take a turn for the worse is always present and you always feel some sort of emotion towards them (whether it be pain, anxiety, worry, etc). This is pretty much the same thing. You know that someone has and will hurt themselves and you know that with every cut there's potential for something horrible to happen- intentional or not.

"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 24th 2010, 02:17 AM

I myself am a self-harmer and at first I didn't think it could hurt other people because I felt that no one cared about me so it wouldn't effect anyone. But no matter what there is always someone who cares. It hurts people because they think that they should have realized that you were hurting so bad and that maybe they could have helped you before it got to the point of you harming yourself. Sometimes they feel that they could be the cause. I know how much it killed me when I found out that two of my younger siblings SH, I feel like if they never would have found out that I do then they would never have started. It feels like you should be able to do something about it but you can't. A few months ago I was told by Children's Services that my 4 month old Godson and his mom couldn't live with me anymore because of my self-harming. They said that I was putting him in danger. I was like "how am I endangering him, I would NEVER hurt him, and he's so young he doesn't even know what's going on." Anyways it really does hurt the people who love you.

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How does SH hurt others? - December 24th 2010, 03:50 AM

There is so much that I want to say on this subject.

I used to believe that when I was cutting myself, I was only hurting myself. It took me hitting a rock bottom before I realized that this wasn't true. I was romantically involved with a guy who couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle the fact that I was hurting myself and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He, like many people, wanted to fix the situation. He wanted to kiss me on the forehead, make it all better, and make the scars vanish. However, it's just not that easy. I wish it was, I'd be all better now. Instead, seven years later, it's just the same thing over and over.

I fell in love with someone else. Someone who struggled with me cutting. He couldn't handle it either. For a while, I thought one of the few people on this earth who had ever meant anything to me was going to turn and walk away because he couldn't handle this. One night, after sitting on the hood of his car, talking and making out for hours we got on the subject of my self harm. When he looked at me and told me how upset it made him, I had a realization. He looked me in the eyes and bawled because it was hurting him so bad that he couldn't help me. He just couldn't do a dang thing about it.

I've gotten farther with him than I have most people. This is the guy who held my hand and held me as I cried when we threw my blades into the river. While they were later replaced with new blades, that was a huge step in my recovery at the time.

He's now someone that's back in my life and who knows... he might once again be a romantic interest if things don't pan out with the current guy (we're just talking casually, who knows where things will go?).

Ultimately, the point of this post was to share my story--people do care. When they care, it hurts them to see you hurting and they want to do anything that they possibly can to change it.

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