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okhereiam Offline
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need help now - December 27th 2010, 02:09 AM

i dont even know if this goes under "self harm" but i need fucking help. i think my dog ate my retainers today and i just spent like 10 minutes frantically searching for them. i kept telling myself not to get upset but all i could think about was how i manage to fuck everything up all the time. i went outside in the snowstorm and tried to do an alternative to cutting by putting the freezing snow on my arms but it didn't do anything, and i ran back inside and grabbed a pair of scissors. by this point i'm thinking "great, cutting over the fact that i lost retainers. i'm a fucking wuss." so i didnt cut with the scissors i just made myself think i was going to. i gave up looking for the retainers and figured i have to buy news ones (which really fucking sucks cuz they're expensive and it's gonna come out of my wallet). i went to my room and took these stupid mini scissor things and started just ripping at my arms and crying like a lunatic. it's not too bad though i think. jsut looks like a bunch of ugly scratches and shit. what the hell is wrong with me? like who the fuck cuts over losing retainers? and i know my dad's gonna be so pissed. i hate this i wish i could just stop fucking up.
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Re: need help now - December 27th 2010, 02:49 PM

Alright, hun. First off you're not a fucking wuss. Anything and everything can be a trigger, especially if it happens to upset you. Thinking about your parent's reaction to you losing an expensive piece of (equipment? mouth equipment?) is a perfectly rational reason to be stressed. But you know that cutting didn't fix anything. It will only create more problems...hiding scratches, explaining (lying), being found out eventually, infection. I'm glad that you had the instinct to try an alternative first; if you wanted the snow to hurt though that requires leaving your arms in it a while and staying still. If you try that again, just be sure that you don't get frostbite. *hug* Maybe try posting here or getting on the chatroom when you're low, before you do anything. Distract yourself- this is a good place for it. When I'm low I would normally try to find someone else who I could help with THEIR problems, and ended up feeling more ok about myself after...

Also, needless to say, if you're not in therapy or on antidepressants I would suggest asking your parents about that. It doesn't mean that you have to tell them about cutting....not right now anyway if you're not ready. But you need help beyond what you can do for yourself. Take care; hope this helped a little

When you say "never", I'll say "lie"
When you say "always", I'll say "true"
When you say "love", I'll say "you"
I'll say "you"

It gets better.
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okhereiam Offline
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Re: need help now - December 27th 2010, 04:55 PM

thanks for your advice. it helps to know that people like you care to help me out. i think that next time i get close to cutting, i'll do what you said and try to help other people to get my mind off of my problem. thanks again ~
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Re: need help now - December 27th 2010, 05:31 PM

Hey...I know how you're feeling about the whole retainer thing...it was on my lunch tray the day after I got them, I threw them out accidentally...searched for an hour and nothing. I was terrified to tell my parents, but luckily they didn't flip out as much as I thought and the orthodontist cut us a break and didn't charge as much as he could have. Just explain to your dad that you left them on a table or something and the dog got to them...even if you left them on the floor you don't necessarily have to tell them the entirety of it. That was before I started self hurting though so I just freaked out for a very long time, punched a wall or two...yeah...
Anyway, I also know how it feels to be triggered by a variety of things. You just have to think for a minute that hurting yourself doesn't really solve anything, the issues are still there. People care about you and nobody wants you to be hurt. Start strong hon, everything is gonna be alright (:

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Sythan Offline
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Re: need help now - December 28th 2010, 02:25 AM

You dont need to cut to feel relief. You can talk to us and get things off your chest. You can raise yourself to a higher standard. You are a divine human being in control of yourself and what you do.
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cutting, feeling angry, feeling stupid

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