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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
AmiFey Offline
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Oh my gosh.. - January 1st 2011, 03:37 PM

I threw them away. All four of my blades. Just gone. On Thursday I did, and before that I hadn't cut since... Monday. I'm pretty sure. But now I seem to have found another way to harm myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed or panicky. I punch/hit myself. I know it sounds childish, but the pain seems to help. I just don't get it.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Oh my gosh.. - January 1st 2011, 04:09 PM

Maybe you're a massochist and addicted to pain..do you have anyone you talk to about these things??? Do you see a therapist or a psychiatrist or a close friend you share these things with? Cutting is also addictive because there's a sense of euphoria you get from cutting so I think you could be like an addict to pain but I mean everyone is in some way and I know that there are people addicted to stress but it probably comes from not feeling loved or having stressful stuff to get you through the stressful stuff....I don't know if that makes sense but sometimes you need something negative to get you through the negative because eventually everything that's bad looks good because of all the bad that's been happening in your life...
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Re: Oh my gosh.. - January 1st 2011, 04:29 PM

I see a therapist, but she only found out I cut at the end of our last session. And my friends I've talked to about it, and it just triggers me more.. I don't think I'm addicted to the pain part of it. I mean, I do enjoy getting the pain, but that might just be because I can control it.. I also blame my dad a little bit for learning to take out my emotions by causing pain (although he'd take it out on others and I take it out on myself).
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Oh my gosh.. - January 1st 2011, 04:37 PM

You can always find better ways to cope. I used to cut all the time. Its not worth it. The last time i cut was on December 23rd 2007 because that time almost killed me. I needed stiches for it. But anyway, after a month or two i wanted to start back but instead i got a piece of ice and id place it where ever i wanted to feel pain. After that spot starts to get cold it starts to tingle with pain. Its actually safe and harm free. Plus after a little bit the feeling of SH goes away. Yes i still feel like i want to harm myself but not as much as before when i would go through with it. But if ice doesnt help then you can always find something that doesnt cause actual damage and is safe.

And truthfully you cant blame anyone other then yourself. I grew up seeing my dad beat my mom and i cut and look at me now. Not one cut since 2007. I blamed my dad too. But im older now and i realize its not what others do its what you do. You are the owner of your life. You make it the way you want it. Not anyone else. All your dad did was help create you. Yes he may take care of you, maybe not. Im not the one judge. But what he did affected you enough to turn harm into pleasure. You make your life the way you want. Think about the things that triggers you the most. Get out of it or leave them friends alone. But if you cant get out of it like say you live with your dad, then find better ways to cope.

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Last edited by Mrs.Cox10; January 1st 2011 at 04:42 PM. Reason: added more information.
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Re: Oh my gosh.. - January 1st 2011, 06:01 PM

Congradulations on throwing out your blades, that is one step closer to recovery. Self-harm isn't childish, it's an unhealthy coping mechanism. Although you turned to another for of self-harm it sounds like you want to quit, I think that discussing your self-harm issues with your therapist can go a long way. It might be difficult but I think you can beat this. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

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Re: Oh my gosh.. - January 1st 2011, 08:47 PM

GOOD JOB on throwing away the blades. That is a big and difficult step but its closer to recovery. I am sorry that you still feel like hurting yourself though. There are other ways to take out anger and stress. Scream at the top of your lungs, beat a pillow, write, listen to music. Any of that is better than hurting yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt nor does it make anything any better.

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Re: Oh my gosh.. - January 4th 2011, 10:36 PM

Thanks for the congratulations, guys.. I ended up getting new ones, though.

And I'm not really sure how to quote things (I've never tried doing that before xD Heheh..) but in response to Brittany, I really do appreciate what you said. It helps when someone's that real with me. However, I'm still working on figuring out my triggers. It seems like the urges come randomly, no matter what emotion I might be feeling.
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Re: Oh my gosh.. - January 5th 2011, 02:17 AM

I always look at it this way. The blades aren't stopping you from getting better, you are stopping you. It's hard to stop out of nowhere, just as hard as it is to quit any addiction, if not harder. I found that the easiest way for me is to gradually stop. I've lost a lot of sleep over the years, but the longest I've built myself up to is about 8 months. It's a start. And it feels wonderful.
You have to try and find an alternative that works for you. We could tell you to do this and that, but what works for me and whoever else may not work for you. Personally, I use the ice method and I write. It's also a good idea to take a step back from the people, places and objects that trigger you. I'm not saying to distance yourself completely, but like alcoholics and addicts, you have to know your limits around those things. <3
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Re: Oh my gosh.. - January 5th 2011, 06:20 AM

There are so many ways to manage these feelings/urges that make you need to cut, but obviously they don't all work for everybody;

. Scream as loud as you can
• HIT a cushion / punch bag / throw a cushion against a wall
• Smash a water melon
• Kick a football against a wall
• Squeeze ice really hard
• Squeeze a stress ball
• Spend some energy - go for a walk/swim//ride a bike/go to the gym

Draw / paint / collage / finger paint / sculpt in clay - to express what you
want to do or what you are feeling
• Write a poem / story / song / joke / autobiography / parody / musical
• Write a DIARY / journal or read old diaries (unless there might be triggers)
• Go to myspace.com and write an online journal
• Scribble a word again and again to say how you’re feeling e.g. ‘lonely’, ‘angry’
• Deface a magazine (preferably your own) <- This made me LOL!
• Paint with red paint using your fingers
• Write a message in a self-harm newsgroup on the internet
• Take some photos
• Play an instrument / Sing to music as LOUD as you can
• Put on music which expresses how you are feeling
• Write out the soundtrack to your life if it were a film
• Imagine a colour which expresses your feelings then change it in your mind to another
• Make a memory box / scrapbook
• Write an alternative ending to a story
• Watch a foreign language channel and make up your own interpretations
• Create your own cartoon characters / legends
• Create a SECRET CODE
Comforting Yourself…
• Tear up a newspaper/phone directory
• Play loud music and dance energetically – be as wild as you like
• Draw on the place you want to cut with red marker pen, fake blood or watered down food
• Write words on yourself with a red marker pen

Have a bath or shower
• Stay in bed
• Use aromatherapy oils
• Eat chocolate (or whatever)
• Have an ‘emergency box’ with whatever helps you cope
• Buy something special
• Massage your hands / arms / feet (or the area you want to harm)
• Stroke a pet / cuddle a teddy
• Smoke a cigarette
• Ask a friend to hold you
• Paint your nails / Have your hair done
• Have a cup of tea
• Rock / hug yourself
• Give yourself a henna tattoo
• Meditate / yoga

• Watch television / video / DVD
• Play on a computer
• Go on the internet
• Learn a new skill (juggling / making balloon animals)
• Do puzzles / play chess / make your own puzzles
• Origami / Scobidous / make jewellery
• Sew / knit
• Go through a photo album
• Design a dream house
• Have a debate
• Build a card house
• Make a paper chain of the days its been since you last cut (add a new one every
• Find out how to put 8 queens on a chessboard without any of them being able to kill
each other (There are 92 possible ways to do this)
• Make a T-shirt
• Look for pictures in the clouds

SORRY it was so long, I couldn't figure out how to link to where I got the info from.

Immobilized. Captivated and Hypnotized,
by all your evil lies.

я.ι.ρ ηαηηу -
уσυ ℓєƒт υѕ 3rd мαя’н 2011.
ι ωιℓℓ мιѕѕ уσυ ƒσяєνєя «3

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