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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Dyingtolive Offline
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So close to relapse - January 7th 2011, 03:46 AM

I'm freaking out right now because I'm just so stressed out and I can't take it anymore. And I'm 8 months 2 weeks and 2 days clean... But I just feel like I need it so bad... Is it really that bad to relapse.... Just once... It's not like I hv the addiction gene so it's not like I can get addicted to it... I felt like I needed it... But I wasn't legitly addicted... So I could stop again right...? Is it really that bad to relapse....? I'm not a deep cutter.....
   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 7th 2011, 04:04 AM

DON'T DO IT!

Ahem. Okay, so, first of all... What is causing you to want to harm right now? Can you remove yourself from this situation? Take a walk, a long hot bath, do something to distract yourself or relax? What have you been doing for the past 8 months 2 weeks and 2 days? That's an amazing length of time to be free from self-harm. You should be proud of yourself. Is there anything you did to keep yourself from it for so long?

Self-harm is never okay, even if you are not addicted to it and even if you are as careful as possible. It only causes more pain in the end. Think about how disappointed you'll be later if you choose to harm. And I can see that you have doubts yourself about whether it's okay... Having doubts a good indicator that it's really not okay. And somewhere in your head, you know that.

Just try to hang in there... Have you looked at the list of alternatives to self-harm? Try some of those. And just keep breathing... These feelings won't last forever!

Keep talking to us and be kind to yourself, okay?


How far do I have to go to make you understand?
I wanna make this work so much it hurts...
But I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are.
So I'm gonna walk away, and it's up to you to say how far...
   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 7th 2011, 04:17 AM

Thanks.... But I did it... I relapsed.... And I just can't believe it... I went through so much trying to avoid it.... All I wanted was to make it a year.... I just relapsed and it all went down the drain.... I have never felt more disappointed in myself for anything... I feel so stupid.....
   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 7th 2011, 05:00 AM

In any event, don't feel stupid. Self-harm is a coping mechanism (not a healthy one, but it is one, nontheless) and you are not stupid for trying to cope in whatever way you know how. You got that? You are not stupid for doing what you did. It's understandable.

I am sorry to hear that you relapsed, though. But think of it this way -- If you lasted for that long without harming, I'm sure you can do it again. And this doesn't mean you are starting over from scratch, either. You have all those months behind you, and you should be proud of that, regardless of what happened today.

You are a strong person. And you can live without self-harm. You've already shown that in the past. Maybe this time around you CAN last a year (or longer, for that matter).

So try not to beat yourself up over this, okay? And I know that will probably be hard to do, but really, it was an understandable way to try to deal with a lot of stress. It doesn't make you a bad person in any way.

I would still suggest you look into some alternatives though, for future reference. Have you ever tried journaling? Do you have anyone you can talk to when things get stressful? If not, now would be a good time to find some support or some things that you can do in the future to prevent another relapse.


How far do I have to go to make you understand?
I wanna make this work so much it hurts...
But I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are.
So I'm gonna walk away, and it's up to you to say how far...
   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 7th 2011, 05:14 AM

What u hv said has seriously been the most powerful words I've heard... I just appreciate u just taking the time to say that cuz really... Though I relapsed and feel horrible... I still feel like there is hope... Thanks... Really..
   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 7th 2011, 05:26 AM

You're very welcome. And you have a lot of reasons to be hopeful. Feel free to message me anytime you want, about anything. If nothing else, I'm usually a good listener.


How far do I have to go to make you understand?
I wanna make this work so much it hurts...
But I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are.
So I'm gonna walk away, and it's up to you to say how far...
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: So close to relapse - January 8th 2011, 12:13 AM

Don't be mad at yourself for relapsing. It doesn't mean you will never get through it. Stopping cutting is HARD. But you will make it, I know you will. Just keep working at it. As long as you are dedicated and determined (which you sound like you are) you can do anything. We believe in you and will continue to believe in you every step of the way. Don't let this beat you. Keep your head up every moment of everyday.


   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 8th 2011, 07:49 AM

Thanks for the support guys... Really... God.... Just still can't believe I've relapsed though... Like I'm not sure that the complete disappointment that I feel like I should be feeling has really set in yet but I'm disappointed nonetheless... But at the same time I feel unusually happy since I cut... Like I've felt so terrible lately and... Then I cut... And I just feel so much better.... I'm not even sure this kind of feeling ever happened when I cut before... It just calmed me... But I almost feel happy now... Is this normal...?
   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 8th 2011, 09:28 AM

Hey don't be mad cause you relapse. Everyone has there weak point were it to strong and nothing holding them back. I've had alot of them. It can be normal to be happy after cause you feel as you let all the stress go.I was alway happy after I SH cause it made me get back at my self. You can be strong
   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 8th 2011, 03:53 PM

Thanks meganrose and btw I love ur picture.... Twloha was the original reason that I stopped cutting.... It's such a great organization(:
   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 8th 2011, 07:16 PM

Thank you! I love to write love on her arms too That what they want
   
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Re: So close to relapse - January 8th 2011, 09:09 PM

Quick question.... If any of u hv ever relapsed... Like did u just do it once then try to stop again or did u cut then continue for a bit till u felt ready to stop?? Cuz like I'm kinda in this weird mental state right now where I feel as though I should just continue to cut again and again like the first time and any little thing that sets me off is making me cut... But I feel like I could stop anytime I wanted but at the same time i'm like just continuing this self destructive behavior and kinda figuring that I'll stop eventually... But shud I make a real effort right now to try and stop or just give myself some time till I feel like I'm completely ready...?


Sometimes we hurt, sometimes we cry, and sometimes we fall, but what I also know is that sometimes were happy, sometimes we laugh, and we can always get back up when we fall. I know that help is real and hope is real. I know that in falling we learn to fly. And I know that it takes more courage to live than it does to die, so be strong because you can do it.

~"At least we live tonight"~
   
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