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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
*MusicIsMyLife* Offline
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Unhappy Triggering Self Harm - January 8th 2011, 02:10 PM

I am feeling very lonely, depressed and suicidal. Can you please help me?

So many things are going on right now.
First of all, I am feeling very lonely because noone cares about me and my parents and friends never pay any attention to me. I am feeling very depressed because my friends are calling me (edit). They are also pushing me around and hitting and punching me, They think that i am inmature. They are being so mean to me. I am also feeling depressed because my parents hate me, they wish that I never existed, all they care about are my siblings. They always hit me and they blame me for everything when i didn't even do anything.

I do have an older sister that doesn't live at home. I don't know if I should talk to her about whats going on or not. I don't know how I can explain it to her. We get along really well.

Second of all, I was sexually assaulted 4 times by someone that I know. He thinks that he can keep doing it to me. I am really scared. I think that everything is all my fault and that I should have not let home do it. I couldn't stop him I tryed but he is stronger than me. He made me do things that I didn't want to do. Like he made me have sex with him and he threatened me by saying if I tell anyone what he did then he will hurt me really bad. I am in so much pain. It happend at his house twice and my house twice when noone was home. He also took pictures of me and he said that he was going to post it online.

Third of all, I feel like self harming, Right now i think that it's my only option and that all the pain will go away if I try it. I have already done it a few times already. I just really want to give up. If I give up then everyone would be happy and they wouldn't have to take the time to care anymore. With everything put together it's very stressful.

You have no idea how i am feeling. All I want is to know that there is someone here for me to talk to and that there is someone who cares about me. Do you care about me?? I don't have anyone right now.

Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.
― Taylor Swift
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
palmtoptiger Offline
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Re: Triggering Self Harm - January 8th 2011, 02:48 PM

I know almost exactly how you are feeling right now. Suffering from any type of sexual assault is hard to deal with alone. It may seem harder to tell someone about it, but once you do its you don't have to deal with it alone. You seem to have a good relationship with your sister. Since she is the closest person to you should try talking to her about it. Telling someone is less scary than fearing and waiting to be assaulted again. The fear is consuming and feels as if it's the only thing on your mind.

Cutting does not help. It may seem to help short term, but then when it wears off you feel as if you need to keep doing it to feel better. Continuing doesn't help. Eventually you'll want to stop and it gets harder when you keep going at it. Giving up may seem like the only way to deal with things. It's not. It hurts more when you try.

You have a sister to talk to. You have people here to talk to. You have me. I seriously know what you are going through, and I know how messed up everything seems. Please if you need to talk, PM me, Email me, anything you can always get in contact with me. People really do care about you. It may not seem like it now, but you are an important person and you don't deserve to just give up.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
~Emily Dickinson
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Triggering Self Harm - January 9th 2011, 01:15 AM

Wow that is big=( I am so sorry! You def. have me to talk to as well if you ever need someone to talk to. I won't ever judge your or anything like that. I am gonna break this into sections cause there is a lot to say.

friends: Your friends are not real friends. In fact, they sound like the worst friends anyone could ever have. Something needs to be done about the way they are treating you. It it WRONG. No one should ever be harmed by their friends or anyone for that matter. Friends are people that care about you and are there for you every step of the way. They make you laugh and make you happy. These people you have mentioned are no friends. I would get rid of them asap and tell someone how they are treating you because they need to be punished for their actions. You deserve much better people than them. As my mom would say, do not lose any sleep over them because they most likely are not losing any sleep over you. What they are doing is abuse. Please don't let it keep happening, you don't deserve it.

family: I am glad you are close to your sis and I think you should really talk to her about what's been going on. It sounds like you have abusive parents as well and that is not good ether. The best things to do in those situations is to call the CPS or attempt to find someone else to live with until you are of age. I understand that they are your parents and you love them, but you do not need this (the way they treat you I mean). They are unfit parents if they are behaving in that way. You would be much happier in a different household. Would it be possible for you to go live with your sister?

sexual assault: I don't know if you have told anyone about what happened but you really should. The man that did this to you needs to be put away forever. For you to go through this 4 times is SO bad and I cannot imagine the way you must feel. I would tell your sister about this as well. I understand that you may be scared of telling but it NEEDS to be done. He cannot be doing this to you any longer. Think of it this way, if you tell, from that moment on, no more girls can be hurt by this person. Sexual assault can scar you for life and going through it alone is more than rough. You need support.

self harm: self harm is never the only option. There are so many things you can do instead. If I am upset, I will usually talk to my best friend, write, or listen to music. Music can help a lot. MJ songs cheer me up a bit. But anyhow, do ANYTHING but hurt yourself. You don't deserve to be hurt by anyone including yourself. It doesn't help anyhow. It makes it worse and adds to the pain. You stronger than this. I know you are.

Keep your head up every second of everyday and continue to stay strong. Life knocks us down, but we can choose to get back up (movies teach us more than we think. That was from Karate Kid). I am always here. There is always someone there for you, even when you don't think there is.

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Re: Triggering Self Harm - January 9th 2011, 03:16 AM

It's always hard when being are behaving like that towards us and being abusive. Talking to your older sister sounds like a really good idea, not being at home and getting on with her sounds like it would be a good option and an amazing relief but I do think you need to tell her about the sexual assaults as well as the family and friend problems, it is not your fault and not right that he's done these things to you and is threatening you. First talking to someone you really trust, like your sister, and then I would reccommed talking to the police. Considering all your dealing with, I am not suprised that you feel like self-harming but it will not take all the pain away my love, I'm afraid.. it will just delay the pain and make it even harder to deal with when you have to deal with it then.
Not actually just saying this but I could have written this myself, I know how hard I found it to deal with all of these things and how when they all end up being piled on top of each other, it seems endless and like theres no way out of all the pain. I am here. And I care. PM me if you wanna talk. Please look after yourself hun. Again about the sexual abuse, I truely reccommend telling, because I didn't and it went on for nearly 10 years. Don't let him steal your life. xox

Immobilized. Captivated and Hypnotized,
by all your evil lies.

я.ι.ρ ηαηηу -
уσυ ℓєт υѕ 3rd мαян 2011.
ι ωιℓℓ мιѕѕ уσυ σяєνєя 3

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Re: Triggering Self Harm - January 9th 2011, 04:04 PM

you poor love you're going through so much right now, and you're so alone at this time when you need people the most. Always know that people here on Teenhelp are always ready to listen. Whenever you need to talk, come online. it's a really good way to off-load somtimes! As for your sister i think it's a really good idea to tell her. you get on with her quite well and she's not at home so that's an advantage. You should really try telling her about the sexual abuse. she must be able to help in some way.
Self harming isn't going to solve anything right now dear, you know that. Please don't do it. Don't give up on yourself huni, you've been through so much and you're still carrying on which shows you've still got strength. Don't let all these poeple who are hurting you steal your life. They're not worth it. You can beat them..x
Im always going to be here if you need to talk, pm me whenever you feel like it love. You're not on your own darling.. Stay strong...xx
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Re: Triggering Self Harm - January 11th 2011, 11:52 AM

Don't give in to these people who are troubling you....They are able to hurt you only because YOU are letting them hurt you. Be strong! As for your parents, I know how you feel. There was a time when even I thought the same. But I was wrong. They did care about me. Its just that sometimes our parents have too much pressure and they are not able to give us the necessary attention. Try talking about all this to them. And please do tell some one, your parents,sister or teachers about the sexual assault.
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