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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Poetic Loser
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Shit! - January 9th 2011, 08:23 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Shit i just cut and i havent done tis many for ages.
Things are going really fucking down hill atm. My dads a mean bastard so i've just stole his bottle of vodka and downed it all. I'm quite pissed so it's taking me ages to write this. My arms really saw and i'm just so fucking scared that im going into depression again. It feels like it.

Please gve me some advice, i feel like im trying to kill myself.
I try to put of sleep so i delibratly look like shit.
Ive started to cut bad ways again. I stopped for a long time and only did it one a month but now im doing it twice a day again.
It's like i'm self destructive you know?
I don't know. i'm confused. and i'm fuking stupid and i hate myself sooooooooo much.
I fuking ope dad sees that ive drunk all is vodka and beats the shit outta me. he hasnt done that for years. I NEED HIM TO BEAT ME BECAUSE I DESERVE IT

I can't fucking stand it anymore


How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?
Good friends get drunk with you. Best friends hold your hair back when you've had a bit too much to drink!
There's no such thing as good girls gone wrong, only bad girls found out.
I've learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types
of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Shit! - January 9th 2011, 09:59 PM

Look, you do NOT deserve your father to beat you. If he is beating you, you need to call the CPS. That is totally unnessisary and WRONG. That is abuse. People go to jail for that kind of behavior. As for everything else, please oh please stop hurting yourself. It is good that you had stopped for a long time and yes you slipped up today but its okay. Thats just what happens sometimes during recovery. Recovery is hard and there are ocassional slip ups. Don't hate yourself for it. Its not gonna be perfect. You are only human. You REALLY need to calm yourself down. I suggest trying to sleep, listen to music, take a bath or shower, anything but hurt yourself. Drinking is bad too. A person your age can get very sick from alcohol and maybe even die. DO NOT DRINK ANYMORE. Does not matter how upset you are, just don't do it. Look, you are not stupid, you are probably a really wonderful person. You are just going through a really tough time. Everybody has those times. No one ever said life is gonna be easy. But you can't step down. Life knocks us down, but we can CHOOSE to get back up (movies teach us more than we think. That was from Karate Kid). Stay strong and keep your head up. I am here if you need to talk.


   
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Re: Shit! - January 10th 2011, 04:22 PM

You don't deserve the pain you or your dad are putting you through, its just going to hurt you badly in the long run. I know from experience that when your trying to stop cutting you make mistakes and do it again, you need to learn from it, don't get yourself worked up, just tell yourself you won't do it again, and try you hardest not to. You really need to tell someone about your dad hitting you, he shouldn't be and you don't deserve it; tell someone you can trust and rely on. I'm sure when you have calmed down and think about it you will realisethat you don't deserve to be beaten, no one does. And you need to look after yourself. Feel free to PM me if you need/want to talk.


'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'



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Poetic Loser
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Re: Shit! - January 10th 2011, 06:25 PM

My dad doesn't hit anymore. He hasn't for years, but sometimes i just wished he did.


How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?
Good friends get drunk with you. Best friends hold your hair back when you've had a bit too much to drink!
There's no such thing as good girls gone wrong, only bad girls found out.
I've learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types
of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.

  Send a message via MSN to LastRedAppleStanding  
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Riddikulus Offline
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Re: Shit! - January 10th 2011, 08:32 PM

Y do you still wish he did?


'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'



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RIP Peter <3
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Poetic Loser
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Re: Shit! - January 10th 2011, 09:02 PM

Because i deserve it


How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?
Good friends get drunk with you. Best friends hold your hair back when you've had a bit too much to drink!
There's no such thing as good girls gone wrong, only bad girls found out.
I've learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types
of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.

  Send a message via MSN to LastRedAppleStanding  
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Riddikulus Offline
The magic word... expelliarmus
I've been here a while
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Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere!

Posts: 1,094
Blog Entries: 183
Join Date: January 4th 2011

Re: Shit! - January 11th 2011, 03:22 PM

No you don't, no matter what you do or have done you most definitely don't. You should try talking to an adult you trust, but don't deserve that.


'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'



Helplink mentor 19/03/11
LiveHelp operator 25/04/11
Self Harm Mod 30/07/11
Chat Mod 16/01/12
Chit-Chat mod 7/05/12
General Health mod 13/10/12
Buddy 4/06/12


RIP Peter <3
   
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