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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Struggling - January 13th 2011, 10:03 AM

I havent cut myself for about 3 months, everything has been getting better and I've been sorting my life out. I'm really struggling now though. I've started slipping back into my depression and I'm trying everything I can to stop it from coming back completely. I really want to cut, just a couple of times but I know that I can't because of my new job. I'm going to be a support worker in the NHS and I've already had my start date moved because of delays with the occupational health department sending me to see a consultant because of my mental health problems. I'm so scared of what they'd do if I started cutting again and they found out. I've got such a bad urge to cut, but I know that if I do it could ruin my future. Help please?
   
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Re: Struggling - January 13th 2011, 11:41 AM

Firstly, I have to say a huge well done on managing to go for 3 months, that's a great achievement

Also, when you feel urges to self harm check out this thread if you haven't already - http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

Is there anyone you could tell about this? Like a friend or family member? Perhaps ask them if they can help to support you, because all though you have the support of us here at TeenHelp sometimes just having someone physically there with you and supporting you can make all the difference.

Keep using your ambitions as a deterent too as this will be an incentive to not do it.

Take care and stay strong
   
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Re: Struggling - January 13th 2011, 11:55 AM

My family have never known about my self-harm and I've only just started hanging out with my friends again after a couple of years of hardly seeing them, so they probably wouldn't know how to react to this. Also, I lost a lot of friends when I was younger because I wasn't happy enough for them - I don't want that to happen again. I don't want to worry anyone.

I've been exercising like mad today to try and take my mind off it (I can't run atm coz I've messed my legs up, but I've been doing sit-ups, squats and pressups till I literally cannot do anymore). I'm in a really self-destructive mood today. I had 2 spoonfuls of porridge for breakfast and then I've only had cups of black sugarless coffee adn I know that if I eat anything, I'll make myself throw it up because that's what kind of mood I'm in. If I hadn't bet my friends that I could quit drinking for a month, I'd be drunk right now too. urgh! Why do I have to hate myself so much? I feel like going round mouthing off to people just so I can get my head kicked in.

I thought I was over this shit. Obviously not.

Update:
Whoops! Failed again. 3 months down the drain. At least it's on my hip so no-one will ever see it. I'm so sick of this shit. Can't do anything right.

God I'm pathetic.

Last edited by Ella.x; January 13th 2011 at 01:58 PM.
   
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Re: Struggling - January 13th 2011, 07:26 PM

Hey Ella,

I am sorry that you have had a slip up. It sounds like things are pretty tough for you at the moment. But 3 months without self harm is fantastic! That is a long time to go without self harm and I know you have slipped up now but you can pick yourself back up again and get back on track.

It appears that you are quite isolated at the moment, because you can't talk to your family or your friends about your problems. I think you really need to get some professional help, because you have obviously not dealt with your issues and it isn't really fair to start helping other people because your mind will be focussed elsewhere. You need to put yourself first. I know you really want to do this job but is now the right time when you are still struggling with your own problems? Having your own problems as well as other peoples who you will be working with could make you feel worse. I think you will make a great support worker once you have sorted out your own problems.

Stay strong.
   
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Re: Struggling - January 14th 2011, 07:31 AM

I'm feeling slightly better today, so hopefully I'll be fine. If I'm not back to normal within the next few days, I'll go back to my GP and see if they can adjust my meds. I think this job is gonna be good for me, it'll keep me busy and when I'm caring for other people I'm actually happier as I feel like I'm doing something good. I don't even really have the option of not starting my job now as without it I'm not gonna be able to pay my bills, even with housing benefit and jobseekers allowance. I think I'll be okay.
   
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