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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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2 Years gone. - January 15th 2011, 06:31 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well it's been about 2 years since I last slashed my hips up.
Recently I've been biting myself quite a bit (up my arms and shoulders) because it doesn't scar.
It doesn't have the same effect as the bleeding used to have.
I've been very tense on the verge of hyperventilating when ever I start thinking of bleeding, which is awkward when it happens in the middle of a lecture.
My main outlet used to be a girl I met here on TH, I have known her for about 5 years now, but she has a new born kid now so I can't lay all this shit on her.
I should have out grown this like she did, my biggest secret, quitting just hasn't come very easy.
I drink a fairly hefty amount to put me to sleep but it costs too much and is adding to my anxiety.
The 25ml Promethazine tabs the doc gave me aren't helping me sleep any more. I still have 11 left, I want to take them. I've never OD'd before.

Help.
I don't know how you can stop yourselves.
   
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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 15th 2011, 07:46 AM

Hi, you need to talk to someone you trust about it, let me just say though, it is brilliant that you went two years without SH. I don't really think this is something you can grow out of, and as you know its hard to just stop. The drinking definatilty won't help, it will make it worse. Overdosing is a dangerous thing and don't do it, it can make you seriously ill, or even kill you, so please dont do that. Talk to somone instead
Feel free to PM me, I'l be more that happy to talk if you want to.


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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 15th 2011, 08:06 AM

I don't have any one I can trust with this kind of thing. Non of my friends have come even close to this depth.
As it's going this is going to get me kicked out of university, I don't open up to people. I am always "fine".
As far as the sleeping pills go, I have taken 6. Just 6. That is only 4 over the recommended dosage, but the recommended dosage doesn't help me sleep any more. It did just occur that I haven't taken into account the Friday night binge drink that my flat and I embarked on.
I have to admit the 2 years wasn't completely SH free. I threw away my blades so I hit walls and stuff or tried with blunt blades which just doesn't work.


The better part of valour is discretion - Shakespeare

We are punished by our sins, not for them - Elbert Hubbard
   
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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 15th 2011, 11:25 AM

I've been on promethazine before, and it wasn't helpful. It's not an actual sleeping tablet though, just with 'sedative qualities'.
Here's a link to explain http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/d...s/a682284.html
Maybe go back to the doctor and try to get something else to help you sleep? Taking an OD isn't going to do any good to you whatsoever.
That's okay that the two years weren't completely SH free, it's still 2 years where it hasn't been as bad as it was. When I quit for 6 months I used to bite myself a lot to help me get through this.
You're not alone with these problems, i've experienced similar things. And yes, it does suck that you don't have anyone you can trust enough to talk to, but we are here if you really need us, and I am too, i've been through so much and it's just nice to have a normal chat sometimes.
Take care x
   
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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 15th 2011, 09:23 PM

You can talk to me (:


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 16th 2011, 10:33 AM

I agree that you need to talk to someone, binge drinking and OD'sing as you know is bad for you. Everyone has slip ups so it's good that you managed to last nearly two years. You need to try alternatives, such as drawing on yourself with red pen, or reading, writing, things like that.
Take care


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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 17th 2011, 08:18 PM

First off, it's incredible that you've resisted the urge to cut for two years. Self harm is very hard to just get over or outgrow, and most people can't do it alone. It's hard the one person you had can't help anymore but the rest of us are here. please don't do what you're doing now, it's destructive to yourself. drinkng and pills aren't going to help you in the long run. It owuld be great to find someone to talk to in real life, but if you can't feel free to pm me. I'll always listen to you.
   
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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 18th 2011, 12:46 AM

I just want say great job for not cutting for 2yrs that amazing!!! Hey you just need someone else to talk to on here. There are so many wonderful people who want to help you. You just have to trust if you like Im here for ya Stay strong
   
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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 18th 2011, 12:46 PM

Thank you all for the kind replies. I am sorry I didn't get back to you, when I broke on Saturday I relapsed quite messily and have spent most of the last few days unconscious in bed. I haven't slept since I woke up yesterday morning so I will in all likelihood sleep fine with out the pills tonight.
Although it left me feeling pretty horrific I have spent more time sleeping in the last 3 days than I normally manage in a week.
The bleeding is massively relaxing, when I tense up and start shaking and feel like my chest is about to burst it pulls me back.
I have to ask, because this has been weighing me down for a long time, how do you forgive your self for your mistakes? I can't seem to do it. Even all the ridiculously minuscule things, slips of the tongue, accidentally hurting some one etc. I can't forget them.


The better part of valour is discretion - Shakespeare

We are punished by our sins, not for them - Elbert Hubbard
   
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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 18th 2011, 03:02 PM

Everyone makes mistakes and slips up, i don't think it's so much forgiving yourself, but more realising that you have to carry on and try and not do it again; dwelling on it will make it worse. Its hard to stop, as you know, so you have to persevere and keep going and i'm always here if you need any help or want to talk.


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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 18th 2011, 10:25 PM

It's very hard no to concentrate on mistakes, but you need to concentrate on the fact that absolutely everyone makes them and that they're meant to be learned from. Don't keep wishintg you did things differently and blaming yourself. You can't fix the past so don't keep thinking about it, think instead about how you want to handle your future.
   
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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 18th 2011, 10:37 PM

Success is only momentary, failure is for ever I don't know how to forget, if I concentrate on thinking of some thing else then it is always in the back of my mind. It always seems so inescapable.


The better part of valour is discretion - Shakespeare

We are punished by our sins, not for them - Elbert Hubbard
   
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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 21st 2011, 04:40 PM

' Failing is only temporary, its the giving up that makes it perminant'
' Many of life failures are due to the fact that people didn't realise how close they were to succeeding when they gave up'

Some good quotes there, and i agree with hailey, you need to concentrate on the future rather than the past, you can do nothing to change it so don't dwell on it. :-)


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Re: 2 Years gone. - January 24th 2011, 04:09 AM

I understand that it's impossible to completely forget about, and I'm not saying you have to. But just maybe try not to dwell on it, distract your mind with other things and happier thoughts and memories(:
   
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