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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BrokenRaven Offline
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Someone please help me - January 21st 2011, 07:48 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well... I need some help. Funny. I can manage to say it here, but I can't to a person. God. I am such a freak.

I'm a cutter. I've been doing it on and off this year, and I did it pretty regularaly two years ago. I was pretty good about it at the beginging of the year. I didn't cut at ALL! But then people began bullying me and life got really hard. I got in a fight with my mom, and she began screaming and swearing at me... I was hiding everything from science class. How the boys ganged up on me. How they mocked me.

One boy went as far as to say I was HIS girl. Then he started to feel me up by my locker one day. It brought back memories of my goddamn kindergarten teacher! My TEACHER used to feel me up every resces repeatdly. I was his girl.

I really hate life right now. I want to die, but if I die, two of my friends will kill themselves to. One lives in a broken home. The other one is abused verbally. I'm selfish, taking my blood from my body every day, but I can't help it! It seems to burn me. I can't stop it. Everyday I feel it. I want to cut my skin, and draw designs into it. The designs I try drawing on paper with a red pencil. That red led can't subsitute the colour of blood. It isn't the same.

I need help. I just can't admit it. If people found out my reputation, I would be over. They would see through the laid back student reputation I have created, breaking through Rachel to see Raven.
   
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Re: Someone please help me - January 21st 2011, 08:03 PM

First of all your not a freak, alot of people find it hard to say things to peoples faces, you need to find alternatives to cutting have you tried any so far? You need to talk to someone you trust about this like a family member or a teacher.
No one deserves to die your not given life to take it away from yourself, tommorows a new day and you never know what will happen, it could change your life forever.
Cutting doesn't and won't help anything.
You've admitted it to us and thats one of the first steps
Feel free to PM me if you want/ need to talk
Charli :-)


'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'



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RIP Peter <3
   
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Re: Someone please help me - January 21st 2011, 08:21 PM

you're not a freak! but you know that what's been going on is wrong. you need to find a new coping skill. it's great to type it all out because i'm sure you feel relieved and it should be easier to tell someone now. you just need a little help. if no one ever needed help, the concept of friends wouldn't exist and we would all be dealing with things by ourselves. you're beautiful and deserve nothing less than the best.


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Re: Someone please help me - January 21st 2011, 11:12 PM

Thank you for replying like this. I've been really scared for a long time, but now I have decided to go to a counseler who will allow me to be annoyminous, and no one will really find out if I tell them, and I will tell the rest of my friends.

Thank you for helping me so much. Last night I held I gun up to my head. I won't do that again.
   
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Re: Someone please help me - January 22nd 2011, 07:10 AM

Yes thats a good idea and i'm so glad you have decided to get help.
PM me if you need anything at all
Take care and good luck
Charli


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RIP Peter <3
   
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Re: Someone please help me - January 22nd 2011, 07:26 AM

Oh darling, you have it very tough. And you're still here. You recognise that you need help. You're very strong, don't ever doubt that. Life is hard at the best of times, and what you have been through are definitely not the best of times.
You are trying to stop, which is amazing all on it's own. Not all of us do.
It's great that you are going to see someone. I know how it's easier to talk on here, but seeing someone does help immensely. It's hard to explain why, but it does.

Good luck dearest, stay strong.


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Re: Someone please help me - January 24th 2011, 10:15 PM

How strong can I be when I actually went to a blade for relief, and then I can't even stop myself now? It's getting harder and harder just to say no.

I've actually been going to a counsiler who promises to keep this issue from my parents, allowing me just to speak and go through some ideas and thoughts for now.

I'm scared though. I keep on wanting to, and I shake and I shake! All these memories come back to me, and I can't stop them. I hate myself for being so weak.
   
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Re: Someone please help me - January 25th 2011, 05:27 AM

Raven.
I've been at the shaking point, worse yet in the middle of school. Unfortunately I can't say I really got over it- tried to confide in a friend and they were completely clueless. Sometimes in life you will be completely alone but I'm glad that you're using this forum for outreach and support so that you know just how many people are pulling for you to get through this ok.
You're talking about memories- do you find yourself reliving certain experiences over and over again?
GL and STAY STRONG, nobody can take away your resolve from you.
PM if you need or don't wanna openly discuss, w.e.
If ur alive, ur strong and you will get out of your house and into whatever therapy you need eventually.
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