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damaged Offline
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Control - January 30th 2011, 08:57 AM

Alright so it's been about 16, 17, 18 days since I last cut. I've realized something. It wasn't that was addicting to me. It wasn't the pain or seeing the blood or anything like that. No, that was just gravy. I'm addicted to being able to control something in my life. When I cut nothing else really mattered other then the fact that I knew I could control my pain. I could control how much it hurt, where it hurt, how it hurt. The fact that I could control something in my life again is addicting. Ever since I accepted how I really feel about him, I can't even control how I feel anymore. I miss being able to control something in my life. I want the control back in my life. I need the control back in my life.

Greatest day of my life was when I stopped cutting

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Re: Control - January 30th 2011, 09:44 PM

Hey Alexia.

It's definitely not uncommon to be attracted to self harm for the aspect of control. I know that was a factor when I used to self harm.

It's good you've been able to go so long without self harm. Take a moment and reflect on what an achievement that is.

Now, I have some good news. You can gain some control in your life, without having to return to self harm. Think of all the things you can control, right now: whether or not you hurt yourself, whether you go out or stay home, when and how much you eat - there are plenty of things in your life you have control over.

Yes, some part of life is always going to be random and uncontrollable, but that doesn't mean it's bad, or that it all has to be. If you feel like you want to hurt yourself, just remember that by resisting the urge, you're regaining control of your impulses.

Good luck.

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Irinya Offline
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Re: Control - January 31st 2011, 01:47 AM


I can definitely sympathize to some degree with how you feel. Even speaking from a purely psychological perspective, all animals are downright addicted to being in control. I understand where you're coming from.

But at the same time, you have to realize that this isn't a healthy form of control.

In fact, you can even turn your addiction to control to work in your favor.

I think it's wonderful that you've gone so long without SHing. Now go exercise your self-control and see how long you can keep it up for. Hopefully forever.

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You are beautiful.

Black, white, gay, straight, bisexual. Whether you are smart or quiet or impossibly in love with your best friend, someone out there cherishes your smile and gets butterflies when you walk into a room.

Someone out there can't stop thinking about you. You Are Beautiful. Don't ever believe differently."

If you ever want someone to talk to, about absolutely anything, feel free to inbox me!
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