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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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lola jonson Offline
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explain - February 4th 2011, 09:11 PM

My friends don't know about my self harm. Today in school I was painting stage sets with one of my friends and she saw the scars on my arm. She asked me what happened and I was speechless. I've never had someone ask before. I just told her that I didnt want to talk about it. But then the rest of the time we were there it was awkward. Does anyone know what I should say when people ask? What have you said when people ask you?

We do not fear death, we fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disappear without a trace.
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Re: explain - February 4th 2011, 09:30 PM

I hid them told to be truth. And it was easy because it was winter. I know it's stupid but, today when people ask me, I just say it's something personal. Some of them are speechles after that but respect my privacy. A few of my friends know but it took me a long time to tell them and I felt relieved after that.
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Re: explain - February 5th 2011, 06:58 PM

I was in a pretty similar situation.

So one day a bunch of friends and I were walking. Two of my best friends (who didn't know at the time that I cut, but who I eventually did end up telling) were there, as well as some people I liked but wasn't as close to. So one of them asks me where I got all those slashes on my arm.


I lied and said a cat did it. Everyone went with it, except my best friends, who looked me in the eyes with that concerned "I don't believe you" look.

To me, neither lying nor telling the truth in a situation like that is a good option. I would honestly just do as you did and avoid the issue. It might be awkward, but it saves you the troubles of a) possibly having to explain yourself later and admit you lied and/or b) revealing a lot of yourself to people you might not necessarily want to reveal yourself to.

"Want to know a secret?

You are beautiful.

Black, white, gay, straight, bisexual. Whether you are smart or quiet or impossibly in love with your best friend, someone out there cherishes your smile and gets butterflies when you walk into a room.

Someone out there can't stop thinking about you. You Are Beautiful. Don't ever believe differently."

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Re: explain - February 5th 2011, 07:27 PM

If the people that asked were people I wasn't particularly close to then I told them a cat did it, but to my close friends I was just honest, because I knew they would find out eventually anyway. Things like this are very hard to keep secret from close friends, so in my opinion its better to tell them the truth to save an awkward situation later xx

"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

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Re: explain - February 6th 2011, 01:54 AM

Person : "Why do you have so many scars?"
Me : "I'm a klutz."

It's not like I'm lying. I am pretty clumsy, both mentally and physically. So this way, people can take it whichever way they'd like. I'm clumsy when it came to controlling my sh and triggering objects, and I am also clumsy when doors are in my way. =]

"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

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Re: explain - February 6th 2011, 04:50 AM

This is one of those situations where it is all up to what you feel comfortable saying. I have a number of friends who know that I used to self harm. One of my friends found out because he saw the scars on my arms. He asked what happened and my avoidance of the issue "Nothing" pretty much answered the question for him.

I am going to be honest and say that most people can put two and two together. I know that when people see the scars on my arms they are aware that I self harm or used to self harm. I have also been made aware of this fact by friends who, once I told them I used to self harm said "I figured as much by the long sleeves, arm warmers and scars that I saw".

Of course the fact that people can pretty much guess that I am/was a self harmer doesn't make disclosing it any easier. I am occasionally asked by people "What happened to your arm?" At first I had no idea how to respond and I would try to avoid the subject. My silence pretty much spoke volumns and they figured it out. In December of 2010 I was asked by a complete stranger "What happened to your arms" and I was taken aback but instead of trying to avoid the subject I told him "It is something from the past." The person responded with "Now you have me all worried" which made things awkward but I handled it and felt better for it.

Thing is you are probably never going to feel 100% comfortable with the way you chose to respond to the questions about your self harm. And, truthfully, you are probably never going to be 100% sure if the way you responded was correct. However as time goes on and you grow more comfortable with your self harm (by comfortable I mean you can accept that you did it and are no longer ashamed) your response to the issue will change. Three years ago I would have never seen myself wearing arm warmers that 'show off' some of my scars or telling someone that my scars are from the past. I only ever avoided the subject.

So, for now, if it is what makes you most comfortable, tell people you don't feel like talking about it. This might be how you respond forever or as you grow and change your response might change. The best thing to do is to try not to stress about it because the people who matter won't care about your self harm and the people who care don't matter.

Sorry for the length of this response. I really hope it helped and if you need anything feel free to pm me.


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