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Extremely Close Call. - February 7th 2011, 07:02 AM

So, tonight I almost cut again. But, I didn't. I sat there for a few minutes, knife in hand. Then I started to cry. I hardly ever cry anymore. Cutting has become my way of crying. But then I sat there, knife to my skin looking at all the scars on my leg. I started to wonder if what I was upset over was really worth it.
I put down the knife, I've never had the will power to do that when I had it to my skin.
Instead of cutting or writing like I usually do I just sat there thinking. Then I started to talk to God. I've never had a deep emotional talk with Him. It's usually just been prayers about things that I want. Kinda like a wish list. But this was different. I eventually felt something calming me. I didn't know what though. I usually just take a xanex to calm down. But after my talk with Him I felt better. Like, I had just gotten rid of all my problems. In the Bible it says to cast all your worries onto Him and I've never really done that before. It feels great. I wasn't just telling God all the things I want Him to do for me. I was having a spiritual conversation with Him.
Now, I know most of you might read this and think I'm high or whatever. But I'm not. I would have thought the same thing until tonight when I actually experienced it for myself. It was freeing and calming and I feel like it's all in God's hands now. It's what He's always wanted me to do, I just was too stubborn to do it.
Thank you Lord for always being there and being unchanging and just amazing.
   
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Re: Extremely Close Call. - February 7th 2011, 07:15 AM

I, in no way think you are high. I talk to God all the time. (At least my concept of God). God is more of a friend of mine than a spiritual adviser. He's just there for me. So I get you. And congratulations on not cutting. ^^
   
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Re: Extremely Close Call. - February 7th 2011, 03:32 PM

Thank you!
And yeah, God isn't really a Spiritual Advisor to me... He's my friend, my father. I'm a Christian so I don't believe in the whole Religion thing. It's supposed to be more of a relationship.
   
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Re: Extremely Close Call. - February 7th 2011, 10:28 PM

Lizzie,
the first line of this thread caught me in. You said "I almost cut again. But i didnt" That is a wonderful thing to hear. That is defiantley progress. You were able to resist the urge to cut, and that shows that you are strong. You should be very proud of yourself.


We do not fear death, we fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disappear without a trace.
   
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Re: Extremely Close Call. - February 8th 2011, 03:10 AM

Wow, thats awesome Lizzie. Having the strength to do that. Ive totally been there, but ive never had the strength to stop when im already touching the knife. All I can say is WOW nice job. And ur not high, i think thats totally amazing!

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