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silent_one12 Offline
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Unhappy Dont know if im ever going to stop ... - March 1st 2009, 06:49 AM

Today was a semi good day...but last night wasn't and even my mom noticed a change in attitude with me today.

So I went to my cousins house and we sat on the computer for a bit and then all of the sudden she wanted me to go on her name and mess with my Ex, who I hate. She kept pushing and pushing so I did it. Well talking to him again after 5 yrs just resorted in a big childish fight. Then to make things worse I get mad about stupid things and my b/f was talking to his friend on Twitter. Of course I got mad cuz ....why talk to her when u can talk to me? little possessive? let me know...but anyways my b/f said that I needed to stop bitching about stupid things. That kind of got me upset. Then my Ex comes out and says, "You are so dumb I always knew u were a psycho" that was it for me. I got majorly depressed and just got quiet and left my cousins house shortly after he said that. I texted my b/f and was like "you know if people think that I am a psyco bitch then I am not going to talk anymore im just going to back off" and all he said was "oh wow" I mean ive said I was gonna shut myself out before and never did so I took that Oh wow as a yea right. Well I did ...I havent talked to anyone today but my family.

Today I went to the musical "Cats" with my mom, aunts and cousins and I had a good time. I felt so ashamed of myself becuase the whole time during the play all I thought about was what happened last night and how I didnt have anyone to turn to and all I wanted to do was cut. So when we got home I did I just cant help it and I dont think im ever going to stop its hard and ive tried but I just keep doing it. ITS LIKE A DRUG and I need it all the time. Im getting fustrated and I know its not healty to shut urself out and not talk to anyone but I feel its the best way so I can just take sometime to myself and just think. I think its just the best way ...I hope it is ...
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
star_crossd Offline
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Re: Dont know if im ever going to stop ... - March 1st 2009, 07:03 AM

Hey, I do that too. I like to be quiet to keep to myself and just stay in my room sometimes and my parents always freak out because they think I'm starting to get depressed again =P
We all have days when seemingly little things get to us and make us really upset. I had a bad day like that last week, actually. Taking time to be alone usually is refreshing for me, so I dont think theres anything wrong with it.
Maybe next time, you can just explain it to your bf so he doesnt get upset or anything.

Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.

Music is life. Start living.
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Re: Dont know if im ever going to stop ... - March 1st 2009, 10:36 AM

Hey hunni, first off HUGS!! Times can get tough but you gotta try and pull yourself through them. About your b/f, i dont think what he said to you was either fair or true, he shouldnt be making you feel like that, no one should. Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? a family memeber maybe? No hun its not very healthy to lock yourself away from the world[ although i tend to do it an awdul lot] but you have nothign to gain from it, it only makes things worse, belive me. I dont think you should bother contacting your EX anymore beacuse it seems to me he was the main trigger in all of this and as for your B/F you need to speak to him and tell him how you feel and that he cannot call you a physco!!
Dont be ashamed at all dear, if there is something like that on your mind you cant expect yourself to forget about it to easily, even if your at a play.
As for the cutting, yeah its an addictive habit and you are right when you describe it as a drug. I think you need to tell someone about your cutting, its a really hard thing to quit but it really does help when there are people who know about it and can help!
PM me anytime about anything =]

The lord says 'before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart'

Jeremiah 1.5

Just keep swimming swimming swimming - Dory from finding Nemo!!

Hold your head high princess, for tomorrow is another day.

You can do tonight without the help of a blade and wake in the morning with the feeling of accomplishment

PM me anytime, I am always here to be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to hear whats bothering you and words to make you see the hope

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