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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Lizzie
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Question Caught in the Act - February 14th 2011, 04:17 AM

I stopped cutting last week. I told my parents for the second time and I gave them the knife. I got super upset tonight and I was just sitting in my room crying. And when I cry all my problems that I've buried come to the surface at once. I'm not going to get into detail, I know you don't want to read a book. haha
Anyway, I sitting in my room crying talking to myself saying stuff like, "What did I do?" and "Why?" I really wanted to feel that pain on my skin cutting into me. I was crying even more knowing that it was impossible for me to do so. I know that tomorrow I could always go to the craft store and buy a small knife but I know I'm stronger than that.
But I figured that since I can't cut, I could always slap my leg. I mean, I doubt it was hard enough to leave bruises, we'll see tomorrow. But it's got to be better than making myself bleed?
But my aunt heard and came in and stopped me. Yelling actually. Then my parents, it was so humiliating to see my just staring at me. Like I'm some kind of mental patient. Or I need to be.
But then my mom starts going on about how I should be put in rehab and how I'm ruining my life and if I want to feel pain to just get up, she'll slap me.
She says things like this everytime I'm upset then wonders why I have fucking issues! gah.
Sorry this is so long. I just needed to get it all out.
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Re: Caught in the Act - February 14th 2011, 10:58 AM

It's okay Lizzie, no need to apologise about it being long.

I'm sorry to hear that you're mum said this to you and that she says similar things but I imagine it must be hard for her to understand and perhaps this is her way of coping with it. I know when my mum found out she started yelling at me.

Have you seen the Self Harm Alternatives thread? It might help for you to look at that when you feel upset and want to hurt yourself.

I'm glad to hear you haven't cut in a week, that's a start and I'm sure you can go longer if you really try at it. I do agree that slapping yourself is probably better than cutting but it's still not a healthy coping mechanism and could still cause you damage.

When you get upset and your problems come to the surface maybe it would help to write them all down and face them head on instead of using self harm as a way to cope with them. For every problem try to come up with a solution to it, you can even ask us on TH to help you think of solutions if you can't come up with one yourself.

Take care and stay strong
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Name: Lizzie
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Re: Caught in the Act - February 14th 2011, 03:41 PM

Thank you so much!
And I've looked at that thread before, the ones I've tried haven't helped. But I'll try some more!
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Re: Caught in the Act - February 15th 2011, 12:56 AM

First I think that it's great that you have stopped cutting, and I'm sure you can continue doing well. Don't apologize for going into detail, getting it all out is exactly what this forum is for . I'm sorry that your mom said that to you, my mom said a lot of stupid things like that to me when she found out about my self-harm, she's gotten a little better about it since then but not much. While hitting yourself isn't as dangerous it is still self-harm and is not healthy and can lead to more severe forms of self-harm. Do continue to try more of the alternatives and if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

Blessed Be!
Nicole AKA Nikki
Artist, Poet, and Future Social Worker
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Re: Caught in the Act - February 15th 2011, 01:19 AM

I'm so sorry for you! That's the worst feeling ever. My dad walked in on me hitting myself with a stapler once and he just started screaming "Good, hit yourself harder. That'll really help."

But they don't mean it to be mean. They're just scared and confused and don't know what to say. Try not to be too hard on them.

Meanwhile, be proud that you took a huge step forward! I know the urge is still there, but the action isn't. In time, you'll learn to forget the need. What helped me most was the realization that hurting myself wasn't going to solve anything. In fact, it would only make things worse.

Next time you feel like hurting yourself, tell yourself that you're stronger than your anger. Remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have to offer the world.

As you start your own healing process, your family will start healing as well.

Good luck! Wishing you all the best. Message me if you'd like!
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